the lesser spotted red belly

Hurrah, this is the red bellied bird that the Shark and I spotted amongst all the sparrows while waiting for the Ellis Island ferry.

Rejoice with me, the noisy neighbour moved out. She fell out with one of the housemates (Side Show Bob). She whacked the last one for trying it on with her sister. Said he was a perv.

Mega blog to follow soon. I am soon to travel to Manchester and Birmingham, to follow a stadium-filling band. I am packing both pair of heels, both pairs of knicker bockers, tissues and God help me please, my hollow legs. No time for bicker bockering.

Lord hear my prayers.

home......

... sad but safe.
xxxxx

sent packing

So, last night was my last in New York and I already want to come back. Boo hoo. I started the day with my first jog of the week before checking out a diner (a must for a tourist), thus our bodies were steeled and fortified for a trip to the stressful Century 21. It’s a discount designer warehouse full to the brim with shoppers and has no air conditioning. The only thing I wanted was a pair of plain black kitten heels and with my radar vision and the Shark’s uncanny, and previously undiscovered ability to locate sizes in a pile them up high in no apparent order system, we got lucky straight away. It was difficult trying to work out if I could walk in the heels or not as the shoes were cable tied together and we were not permitted to break the seal, but I took a chance on them so that we could get some air. We tried the basement to check out the ‘sneakers’ but air deprivation cut short that excursion. We did very well for 2 birds dressed in black though and spent another half an hour looking for clothes. We then took a stroll down to the South Street Sea Port and after that, at long last, we took a bus home, something that TH had been encouraging us to do for the entire trip. Later we met up with him and some of his barking mad work mates for another must, a burger. Yum.

Today I took an even longer run down to Houston, so that’s roughly 21 blocks and back. It was easily the best run that I have ever taken and it set me up well to go to this famous Jewish Deli for more huge helpings of good food.

I’m off to pack now and I am very sad. I just came up with the bright idea of a couple of drinks for the road. Te he.

The observant reader here will notice the complete lack of any mention to the infamous Mrs N. Although I could hear her yapping dog every time I passed her front door, it never actually budged in the manner that I expected. I was seriously beginning to think that she did not exist until TH explained yesterday that she was on vacation. Oh, and Shark had such plans for me.

Meanwhile in London…further to my brief mention to Chantelle working with Beatbullying, this has happened.

new shoes

I am a kitten.
Purrr.

addendum

Danny’s is a fun place with a crooning pianist, fantastic food and a back room that tempts debauchery. There was a band playing and the show was recommended to us a few times (a red head from Glasgow is much more exotic here) but as it was a performer that the Shark had seen twice, and a school night for TH we didn’t do it. I was slightly tempted though as I had chatted to and fancied one of the band. CNL in ‘fancies a man shocker’. It’s a biannual event these days. We were there very early but by all accounts Broadway stars pop in later and take to the microphone and lonely people make eyes at the pianist. Make it part of your trip when coming here!

The bathroom was dark with piped music.

bowery and restaurant row

After leafing through Time Out New York Shark suggested KT Tunstall playing the Bowery Poetry Room. A bargain at only $8. It’s a small venue and she was on very early so we gently stroked the chins on whether or not she is known in the States yet, or if she is on a promo tour. Still we dressed carefully for the occasion, trying to achieve the correct level of glamour and weirdness needed for the area and planned to hook up with TH there. The cab driver from hell #1 took us to the Bowery where I was immediately threatened by a man with a stick. Quite scary at the time, I really did think that I was going to get a whack. He obviously didn’t know that a certain Tai Chi warrior stance came very naturally to me (although less so in the new heels). TH was a bit annoyed that we wasn’t there to protect us. It seems that he wouldn’t push me to the front after all. We moved swiftly onto what turned out to be the non-event of the year. KT Tunstall wasn’t playing. She wasn’t even there. It was a launch party for an album that’s been out in the UK for ages. Time Out got it all wrong and I’m thinking of writing in to complain. Before you say it, we did try and phone ahead 212 614 0505 (ans ph). Very good, but not very helpful at the time.

Luckily we were in New York so it wasn’t the biggest of problems. After hooking up with TH we had a drink in Marion’s where Shark reminisced about days gone by and this led to the genius idea of going to Danny’s Sky Light Room. We hailed cab driver from hell #2. On getting into the cab Shark asked why there was no screen separating us from him. He pointed to the glove compartment and said “Cos I got a gun”. It was a long ride but luckily for us cab driver from hell #2 raced most of the way with competing cabs so we arrived a lot sooner than we should have. Another fun night in NYC.

soho and chi

Today we woke up fresh and fighting fit after our beautiful sleeps and practiced the fine art of Tai Chi. I’ve often watched the nutters, I mean practiscers, doing their Chi outside the Brockwell Lido at 7.30am in their gloves, hats and overcoats and people in various static poses under trees. I never imagined that I would ever want to be one, but after just 1 session I feel differently. It’s very hard to pick up and I felt relived when the Shark told me that it took her time and effort to learn even one routine. I only got the hang of one very small part of one routine and that was at the very end of the lesson. It’s not all brown rice and lentils you know, it’s for warriors! I couldn’t get the hang of it until teacher told me to aim like I was going to stab him in the eyes, knee him in the crutch etc etc while remaining calm, still and silent. These things really do go together. At the end of class he gave me 2 presents, one of his pens and a worry bead type bracelet. Shark says he notices things and I do tend to fiddle with my hair. This was like getting 2 gold stars. ☺ Being still is all foreign to me and I felt eerie and odd after class plus very cross-eyed but invigorated with it. Shark noticed a change in me immediately too in that my pace had lessened by about 30mph.

We had a wee stroll around Soho too and I bought myself another pair of knicker bockers. When I asked what sort of shoes I should wear with them, the overly helpful shop assistant brought me a 4-inch pair of stiletto shoes. I looked like Pete Burns, ie a docker in women’s clothing. It was oh so funny that she insisted on taking a snap of it.

On a more predictable vein, Chantelle with a C has acted as a spokesperson for Beatbullying. This is one of Jodie Marsh’s favored charities. Let’s see how charitable she is with her vitriol. In her battle with Murdoch the www.myspace.com/jodiehumanviagra has been removed. Does this means she’s winning or losing or that she now acts as a sleeping pill?

uptown

Poor CNL did not have enough sleep last night. Not down to jet leg, just Laydee tings. Still I bravely managed to get a little shopping done this morning, a lovely jacket in Diesel but I got tired and bored quickly and left it at that. I hooked back up with the Shark and we met a couple of her friends for lunch. We had shrimp risotto, gorgeous!!!! and I pretended to be awake and opened my mouth to make the right noises as much as I could, but I really wasn’t the best company ever.

But look who we were sat next to phoooooor.

More tourist activity today. Naturally I love to go up, although I am very scared of heights and the Shark suggested the Rockafella Center as an alternative to the Empire State Building, which I’ve been up twice already. It was enormous fun going up the 86, I think, floors. The roof of the lift is made of glass and the shaft is illuminated with blue neon lights. It looks something like this on the way up and down. Great fun – do it kids. Absolutely breath taking views, which of course I have not done justice to, what with having the shakes and all. We had timed the ascent carefully to coincide with the sun set but boo hoo it was cloudy.

We are now par-taking in a great American past time, American Idol. Shark thinks that Paula is high on the weed. It’s possible, as she can barely sit upright and her responses are somewhat erratic. It could be booze or prescription drugs too. TH is on bar duty so we are drinking quadruple measures. Woo hoo. Shark is now frantically dialling for Taylor.

Naturally I’m keeping an eye on Jodie Marsh activity, me being one of “them”, ie a scary weirdo. She’s thinking of taking on Murdoch in a war against someone hosting a myspace in her name www.myspace.com/jodiehumanviagra. I’ll keep you informed.

I will never get used to these toilets (pt 3)

Live Bait

I will never get used to these toilets (pt 2)

55 Bar

I will never get used to these toilets (pt 1)

Knicker Bocker

downtown

Earlier, in my sleepy haze I forgot to say that I am sleeping on THE most comfortable bed in THE world. My 12-hour sleep last night is a testament to that. I did wake up a few times though. Once, as it’s amazing how much traffic and sirens that one can hear 13 floors up. Plus, I am sleeping next to the computer that actually powers the Tardis and it kicks off a hell of a racket…. it has it’s own TV!!! TH was embarrassed to tell me it only has 6 channels plus a couple of Spanish channels. He thought 3 TVs with 250 channels would be overdoing it. I agree and remain incredibly impressed with his boffin skills. He spoke Japanese to us the other night. Wow. I also woke up with a parched mouth but we can glaze over that……..



Today Shark suggested that we do our ferry ride. I had suggested the Staten Island route as a visitor’s option, which I had done 11 years ago, but as I came determined to live a New York life for a week, I am very open to suggestions from a real New Yorker and the Shark counting as that now is brilliant. The best thing ever in fact. So, we went to Liberty and Ellis Island instead. This involved a ride on the subway, which passed unremarkably. No one was wearing a Walkman or an I-pod and no one was playing any MP3s through their mobile phones and there was no unnecessary announcements on the platforms either. Bliss. Actually leaving the Island though was quite an ordeal. The queue was huge and involved listening to a steel drum version of many popular classics: My Way, New York New York, London Bridge is Falling Down, plus numerous other numbers and a security procedure worthy of any good Airport. I volunteered the knowledge that I was carrying a miniature manicure Swiss Army knife and I was allowed through the security system that allowed no photos or indeed anything that might pass as entertainment for a good 20 minutes. I don’t think any more visitors this year will be accompanying the Shark anywhere on a ferry anytime soon. It was worth it simply to huddle like penguins, remembering of course that they have no arms. The winds were glacial and we were frozen to the bone. I am a tourist so I took several shaky pictures before my batteries ran out, which was all too soon. By the by we discovered that it is quite the trend for young Japanese girls to wear winkle picker dolly shoes a size too big so that they slip up and down with every step. Not at all annoying.

By the time we hit the shore again the Shark had come up with a wonderful plan which involved hitting her SECOND favourite bar Live Bait while we warmed up with spirits and waited for TH who was bunking off work early on my account. Due to our struggling immune systems the drinks went to our head quite quickly. We were in high spirits before his surprise early entry and quite frankly the rest of the evening passed in a whirlwind, although I can remember every minute of it. Shark cooked a lovely curry, TH did the rice and I did nothing apart from read out updated blogs (oh yes we are watching). They are in bed now, which is where I am going now, but I cannot go to bed without rejoicing lyrically in what a wonderful host and hostess that they are. Oh, and wonderful cooks too.

east village and greenwich all in one day

Yesterday we took a stroll to the East Village for brunch, even though the TH seems obsessed with getting everywhere by bus. Moroccan eggs, yum. We had plans to go to Brooklyn on the subway and walk back over the bridge but the wind chill factor was very high and we had a secret, warm alternative, watching March of the Penguins. Oh my God, can’t we doing something about this situation? We could drop food parcels, build platforms or drill holes through to the ice ANYTHING.

Then we hooked up with Jonathon at the fairy light grotto known as 55 Bar. Shark had told me that he is similar to me and I have to say that I like him, a lot. Very very handsome too. Phew. Shark slipped him some booty: PG Tips and V05 hair gel, which he immediately offered around the venue. He asked me why I was blogging about Jodie Foster. Hmm, explaining about Jodie Marsh was more than embarrassing. Still, I’m not ready to give it up just yet. We watched the Gabrielle Anders band. Against all the odds, ie small venue, band, music, being out, I really enjoyed it. I clapped when prompted, as the good bits were not always immediately obvious to me. I especially enjoyed the songs sung in English. I’m not racist, I just love lyrics you see. We met the drummer and some lovely “how you doing” men who shared a secret lovely flavour of Doritos, previously unknown to us. So salty snacks and table service led to another lovely evening topped off with Chinese take out. Life really turns around food here and I quite expect to come back the size of a house.

this is just showing off

New York New York it’s a wonderful town

Awesome. Opps, I’m not allowed to say that anymore. It’s been banned by the Sharkess.

I arrived safely in New York TG (another story there for another time) and took some blog notelettes of the journey for y’all. As Virgin do not give you a wee notepad anymore, I used the only blank piece of paper available to me, my sick bag. Before you scoff, while watching ‘Walk the Line’, as part of my in flight entertainment, I discovered that Johnny Cash had done exactly the same thing while inspired to write to Bob Dylan on a flight, before he had gone electric of course. So, if it’s good enough for him etc. So what if he was high on pills and booze at the time. I cast an eerie reflection on the screen throughout the film, rather like Frankenstein’s monster. Grrrrr. In complete contrast I then watched The Constant Gardener. Is it true that there will be a worldwide TB epidemic? I really must catch up on my current affairs.

On take off, I noticed a lovely advertisement on the top of a Tesco building. What is it that they want from you? I mean its not like I could jump off and get a 2 for 1 on bakery items is it? Apart from Sky Sports News only showing League One football results (der), the 1000000 mile per hour Duty Free opportunity that passed me by entirely (doh), the only thing of interest was going over Greenland. I think I saw some glaciers. Awesome, opps.

Last night was TH’s birthday and we went to Knickerbockers, the NYC equivalent of The Archduke, (without our laptops) to celebrate. I actually wore a pair, along with my lovely 4-inch heels. TH ate half a cow, I ate the other half, while the Shark was rather more sophisticated with duck. We had a marvellous time spotting who is gay, who is swinging and on occasion remembered to actually speak to each other. It was my best night out in New York ever and I did have a lovely time. We are also planning a night out on the local rough pub. It’s something that the Shark has wanted to do for a while but TH banned her. So, I’m not sure how to take the news that he actually suggested going to it BECAUSE I am here. His “It’s cos your Oirish” defence is sitting somewhat uncomfortably, although he means it with lots of love.

I’ve already hit the town, seen a sunset, Jupiter, a clear night sky with constellations and just narrowly missed Venus. Alright already.

Correction ; it’s because if there’s a fight he can put me in front.

jodie marsh's suitcase, the ebay auction

I was out at a gig at the time, Liars at ULU, which was top. Luckily I received the following texts keeping me up to date:

9.27pm Where are you?
9.29pm Ah. Not watching the auction then.
9.31pm Weirdness, it got to 7 grand with 5 mins to run. now its gone back to a grand with 2 mins to go! uh?
9.34pm OK. Auction over. No bids!? X
9.37pm You just have to read the reason at the bottom of the page! Ha!
9.38pm They were clearly all her!

Going going NOT gone.

© shark

for the addicts

A treat for you.

stop messing about

There’s a Kenneth Williams evening on the box tonight. His life was a truly heart breaking story and seeing it re-enacted has recalled a couple of memories from one of my past lives. I met him on a tube train in Hammersmith once when I was very little. I was with my little girlfriends and he was very funny and nice to us and gave us his autograph. And when he died our paths, sort of, crossed again. I was working for a bank, not in one, but for one and we looked after his Estate. On the event of his death I went to his house in Paddington or there abouts with the Trust Officer and we took all of his assets back to the office. It was a spartan place almost exactly replicated here. There was very little furniture and all I can recall was 2 chairs, one for him and one for his mother. Very neat, very tidy and very bare. Not much to show for a whole lifetime.

i smell a rat

I thought that the removal from ebay would be a little more interesting. It's back! Although I do suspect that she’s bidding for it herself. Te he.

you have not been evicted

The Shark’s back in Blighty and has set up camp here in the living room that doubles as a discotheque when needs be. I was ever so slightly nervous that it would be a little noisy for her due to my sash windows being 120 years old but my offer of earplugs was rejected. It seems that the noise actually helps her to sleep and acts like a lullaby gently bombarding her to sleep. “Cos I’m a City bird innit” she said (I think she’s been knocking about with some cock er nees or somefink).

Last night I gave the 4-inch heels another airing for a greatly anticipated curry at Fawlty Towers, I mean 3 Monkeys with shark & catster. It seems that Indian food is not that great in NYC but if any passing trade bloggers know differently, please feel free to comment. The shark and I retired to base camp to huddle over laptops, and I managed to get the shark addicted to the sick one too. We cannot wait to hear why the suitcase was taken off ebay.

She’s out tonight keeping up with an excruciating social calendar and is dining in palatial surroundings in Dulwich (which is clearly sign posted from Boroughs away). I’ve heard that the Estate can only be accessed via a drawbridge over a long moat. Don’t tell her I said but today’s trip nearly had to be called off due to me not having a full-length mirror. She couldn’t figure out how I cope until I reminded her that, until recently, I had approximately 2 outfits. I would be worried about her not coming back but I know that she’s only got 1 ½ hours of power on her life-line.

Oh dear. This received no bids on ebay and has beem removed. I wait with baited breath for an update. Perhaps a footballer offered her £20K.

i'm still sick

Oh dear. This has been on ebay since Wednesday. Despite being advertised on her own web-site and being in this week’s holy-moly mail-out NOT ONE BID!

queen shark

It occurred to me while washing up 1 ½ weeks worth of plates, clearing up clothes that have long since dried, washing the sink, contemplating hovering etc, that the cat and the mafling probably went through similar things on the eve of the shark. In fact I know the catster did as I admired her work! It must be rather like being the Queen, except that there's no smell of paint. It’s a good job that the shark knows and loves TH foibles as I fear that he will buck the trend.

the end of the road?

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone here for their patience and understanding during this difficult time. Indeed I can only go on in the comfort that knowing that I have provided amusement to the solobassist , a man who makes a conscious effort to give a proportion of his time for the good of others. If he can, then I can.

The torment is over and I can now reveal, probably in a worldwide exclusive, that the long long long wait is over. Excited? I know I am…………….She has broken her blog silence. It’s been 5 weeks since I began to wait with baited breath for a response, a rant, a throw away comment. God damn it a lifeline. I needed closure after 4 long hard weeks of intensive, often, 24 hour reporting. Hopefully it ends here and this sad, unrewarding addiction is now beaten. Is it over? I can only hope.

a purple haze

The awards themselves were what you’d expect with lots of loud people, lots of smoke and lots of drunkenness. I arrived at 10pm, got myself a £9 hotel bar vodka and hid at the back. Despite smelling of fish and chips, and being me, I managed to get through the trauma of having to meet lots of drunken new people. I did this by disarming new comers immediately. I chucked my pre-planned stock phrase “do I look like a cheap hooker?” at em (the outfit, short pants, high shoes). I coped very well until I spied He Who Cannot Be Named and immediately felt like leaving, which I did. I’m not going into it on the World Wide Web like but suffice to say that there were tears at bedtime. Still on the upside the shark’s in the area and I definitely heard a wood pecker in the park during my early morning jog on Thursday.

What with the shark being about I’ve HAD TO go to some gigs, and for old time’s sake I accompanied her, the cat and their gang to Commuter Jazz at the QEH. There were lots of new faces with limp hand shakes but also some lovely familiar faces too, including Mr T, Mr H, Terry Edwards and solobasssteve. I saw the Beardless One, although only briefly as he was leisurely rushing home to a sick wife and Lady Jane who I didn’t get to talk to as every time I looked up at her, she was with strangers and what with the pain of standing for 3 hours in heels (not the new ones), I couldn’t cope with any more discomfort. Jimbob, it was really too bad of you not to be there.

Art class went like a dream. Although the work is not ready to be shown here yet, it was briefly exhibited in the Foyer of the National Theatre today when myself, catster and the shark went along to see Steve and Theo (who does not think I’m scary) play. It was all lovely apart from the bus driver from hell on the way home. Naturally I did not let him get away with it without a few choice certificate 18 words of my own.

just do it blog people

Planet Earth. From Sunday, BBC1 @ 9pm.

bit fishy

Bliss as I finally have a minute to think and a chance to rest my weary feet.

So, with Monday came the shocking news that I was going to a work do on Thursday night. I can now reveal that it was because our Chairman was collecting a special prize at the Music Week Awards, so me complaining about having to go or having nothing to wear wasn’t really on. He’s 100% behind his staff, he’s a top man and he employs me. I had to show some support.

Shoe shopping on Tuesday followed naturally. I did it all for him in the first instance. Honest. It was a totally clichéd shopping trip with staff being snooty to me at Prada and with me avoiding anything without a price tag, or that was chained to the shelf. Naturally I found THE shoes in the last shop that I went into. This was, of course, also the first shop that I went into and of course I cut it fine with only 5 minutes of shopping time left at the point of purchase. I had to admire the plucky sales girl who tried to get me to buy a matching handbag, even though I had holes in both socks, shockingly bad feet and was openly hysterical that I was actually buying them in the first place. I was on a bit of a role by then and managed to find Mammy a birthday present in the final 5 minutes of open shops, a lovely pair of white leather gloves – very jazzy, and a big hit with the lady herself, not an easy task. Tuesday came to a natural conclusion with pancakes at Susan Sontag’s and the unlikely event of me painting my toe nails purple and then giving them a layer of glitter, again c/o Susan. I also made the shocking discovery that the international man of intrigue Happy Dave is not someone that she randomly found on the world wide web but is in fact flipping moving in with her!!!! Pah. Where’s the mystery there eh?

Anyway, Mammy’s birthday is 1 March. It always makes me titter that had she been born a day earlier on a leap year, officially she’d only be about 12. Te he. We had a lovely tea and a nice quiet evening as I reserved my energy for the shark’s fish and chip supper and work do on Thursday. It was absolutely lovely to see her purpleness again and totally natural to see her sitting at her kitchen table in front of 2 lap tops. Happy Dave was there too but I’m managing to keep him a man of mystery by totally alienating him with my inane comments such as you’re blog gave me the impression that you’d be taller and other such nonsense. Anyway, we all had a lovely fish and chip tea. Not such a good idea seeing as I was just about to put a skimpy outfit on. I was pleased to resolve the shark's long outstanding whole life error, or break her drunken code, as she put it, by asking her if she had ever had a fish. Success.

i've caught linkitus

Hurrah, the shark is back.

Jimbob, here’s the top half.

On a more serious note....so while I’ve had my head stuck in a book, I’ve missed out on all sorts of conspiracy theories about 911. I’ve been told that I am way behind the times and that everyone knows this (Steve probably blogged it ages ago) but if not go here and watch the trailer for Loose Change.
Innit.