celebrity big brother for the ex-pats

It’s back, Celebrity Big Brother and knowing that it’s also a guilty pleasure of the sharkster’s I will attempt a running review. I can’t do it every night cos it’ll eat into my reading time too much so the local community bloggers may need to contribute too. If you can stand to admit out loud that you watch too.

The first surprise is the inclusion of Michael Barrymore, our very own bargain basement Michael Jackson. By these standards we should expect Gary Glitter or John Leslie to feature soon. The man is very unstable and they want him to do a Les Dennis. We’ll see. By all accounts he made an early start by getting up very early to clown around on his own in front of the cameras. There was a lovely moment though when the young lad from the Ordinary Boys (Boys will be Boysssss) came into the house and he said hello to everyone apart from Barrymore to whom he said “alwight’.

The second surprise is that one of the contestants in not a ‘celebrity’. Chantelle, a promotions girl from Essex has to fool them all that she is in a successful girl band called Kandy Floss, with a K. However, according to all the silly press today it would appear that she IS a celebrity in comparison to Faria, famous in a Rebecca Loos way, for sleeping with Sven. I cannot wait for Urika’s column in the NOTW this weekend. Anyway, Chantelle has done Page 3 and is a professional Paris Hilton look-a-likey. I think she could fool all of them, apart from the 2 band members, the singer from the Ordinary Boys and Maggot from Goldie Looking Chains, or “who” as they have all been saying. She won’t know the lingo, 1st support on, get-in, sound check, tour support, transit van, microphone etc. Plus if they ask her what venues she’s played, she’s stuffed. Faria must think it’s her mission to fool the others as she told everyone that she was mainly doing TV work right now. Classic.

Rula Lenska represents red heads in the house and she’s already blown it with me by calling herself eccentric. It’s not something you say you are, it’s just what you are.

Carmen Electra (not in the house) was a bridesmaid at Tracy Bingham’s wedding. She’s a bird, sorry actress, from Bay Watch. So we can expect fireworks with Dennis Rodman who was married to Carmen for 5 minutes. I didn’t know he is a transvestite! Will he swap clothes with Pete Burns? Dennis looked gutted to see Tracy and was extremely rude to her on entry, pnar. They obviously have a history.

Jodie Marsh, a vegetarian, made it known that’s she’s going to be involved in a PETA campaign soon. Pete Burns came clean as a fur wearer immediately so I’m sure that she will probably see the contract cancelled before it begins in as serious of furious rows with Pete. You just know she’ll be an irrational bird about it all in a series of furious rows that will end in her tears. I hope to god she doesn’t take her clothes off. Will she dare next to a Baywatch model/actress?

Chantelle is shaping up to be a regular Jade Goody. She did not know what a gynaecologist is. She suspects that Jodie Marsh recognises her. Maggot is making doe eyes at Chantelle but she fancies Denis as he once went out with Madonna. He plied her with booze and they have held hands and I heard a whisper about a session in the loo, although this was from a woman who he says he has spurned twice. Denis told Tracy that she has hit on him twice. She doesn’t remember and said that she doesn’t drink much anymore. The man’s a predator. Maggot, meanwhile, is nervous that Michael will try it on. Jodie fancies Preston. Preston is following Pete likes he's his beatchh. Boys will be boys indeed. Preston has a girl friend in real life, not a boy friend.

George Galloway looks promising. I was really looking forward to Boy George being on the show and I am disappointed that he’s not. I suspect it’s because Pete Burns is on. Pete mysteriously revealed that he is on the show for a reason. I suspect that this onion has quite a few layers. I think that he will be the best value for money and I would not like to be on the wrong side of him. We were shown pictures of Pete’s surgery gone wrong. He’s literally had his top lip sewn together after it spun right out of control.

It’s going to be a good one. Already we have high emotions mixed with alcohol and tired celebrities. Jodie’s already played the bird card. Pete Burns told her he doesn’t like her tits and she’s crying, telling everyone about it, trying to driving wedges between people, saying “it’s not easy being me” and "are you on my side'. Boo hoo hoo. Jodie objects to Faria’s route to fame. Bizarre given that all she has is a media profile built on belts, cellulite, bad boob and a bad nose job.

Michael Barrymore now does serious 'acting' in the theatre and snores. Michael Barrymore pretended he knew who Chantelle is. He got a fantastic response from the British public on arrival, you just can't depend on them.