day 11

Read all about it. Yawn. No one likes a grass. I hope that Chantelle’s family and Preston’s girlfriend do not read it.

Back to the box task, they are so far behind me on Channel 4 (see day 10). Pete said that the boxes were like a Yoko Ono exhibition. As we know it didn’t take George long to figure a way out of it. They all really depend on him for this. They want him to take command and he sees himself as the Elder Statesman. So he came up with the vote. As soon as BB announced that a coffee, fresh orange juice and croissant breakfast was in the Diary Room Preston (or Prestwood as Pete calls him) legged it. Pete followed a close second while nominating Rula to win the prize. Maggot said he had combat training and could stay in there all day. And that he could shit in a bag and not leave a trace. It nearly turned into an international incident. Michael apparently keeps calling Traci and Dennis “the Americans’ and it’s making Traci uncomfortable and may be causing a divide. Both Rula and George think that they would have won. At their age, with their backs! No way. Rula stayed in the box for 52 minutes and won the pants of power prize. She has to wear them over her trousers. They will give her special powers come Wednesday, eviction day. I think they’ll make her do something cruel with her power. She’s the one most likely to want to get rid of the youngsters, like a wicked witch. Leave a trail of bread crumbs kiddies.

Poor Rula felt a bit picked on by Pete on eviction day. He had bossed her around a bit. She didn’t get much sympathy from Michael who explained that Pete is high maintenance but she did get a hug from Preston. Michael cruelly pointed out that it looked like she was packing him off to school. Preston thinks that George or even Faria could win. George told Pete how Rula felt. Pete refers to Jodie’s eviction as exorcising the demon and wants things to be OK now that she has gone, so I think he’ll make an effort with her now. George thinks that there are new issues opening up. This could be ‘the Americans’.

Pete is desperate for fags. He struck a deal with BB. He brought a cigar to the Diary Room and BB gave him 20 cigarettes. Pete thinks that he has outwitted BB by setting up a trade embargo system. Pete didn’t want to lie to the others and have to smoke in secret but has been forced into concealing the fact by George, who doesn’t want everyone asking him for cigars. Chantelle’s dumb girl act (? she’s just dumb) and Rula’s pernickety ways are irritating Pete. He likes them and thinks some of the irritation is down to the lack of fags.

Dennis has been spooning and rubbing himself up against Faria. They are developing a ‘thing’. It’s been noticed. Preston, the least exciting man in rock and roll, has a crush on Chantelle, who will be a one hit wonder. I suspect that Chantelle has a wee one right back at him. At least now that Jodie has gone, she is having a laugh and has applied some colourful paint strokes to her blank canvass. They have been flirting. Pete, the self-titled designated decoration, pissed on their parade by pointing out that their playground antics could be misconstrued by the outer world. They were a little deflated but you can see that he means well.

When Jimmy rang the doorbell to get in, Michael told Pete not to answer the door in case it was a kid and he scared em. If anyone thinks that Jimmy Saville is a one off, he’s not. I’ve met old school men from Manchester exactly like him. He won them over with talk of the Beatles, apparently he had something to do with them writing Paper Back Writer, and his old club days. He’s flattering them, especially Rula and Michael, and this has inevitably sprung a leak in Michael’s well. We found out through Jimmy that Rula was once banged up in Poland for a few months for smoking a joint. Something that Pete is gagging for too, but BB keeps blanking that out. They’ve all written a Dear Jim Please fix it for me letter. Your letter was only the start of it. Jimmy is a guest, not a housemate and does not stay over night as he could not be held responsible for what him and the ladies would get up to.

Later today, in real time……Dennis has now managed to get the housemates fags and coffee. Initially I thought it was him being fluffy! Then I thought it was because he had enough of their bitching over the much-needed items. On reflection it was probably a more subtle seduction technique.