Sunday, October 30, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
TURN LEFT OUT OF THE HOUSE
This is the third weekend in a row where I’ve been sat here starving for 2 days. Saturday morning comes, I turn right out the house to go to Somerfields for food, lottery and the papers I walk around the aisles in distain. There’s never any food. If I could just turn left then I could go to the fab bakers and Deli, even the Sainsburys, in Herne Hill.
I’ve had more Laydee training. Lisa came around and enhanced my roots. While I was sitting there thinking how marvellous it was to have both hands free for red wine and fags (and football on in the background), she was marvelling about how close to coffee and cake this was. She did a cracking job and I forgot to tip her.
Obviously, I’ve still got a very long way to go yet. Although I now complete novice duties, making sure that I have clean hair and cleanly shaven legs when I see her (it’s a bit like having a geezer, except she notices), I have obvious trouble with one of the basics….shopping.
She’d bought another pair of winter boots. To my untrained eye, they look like 3 other pairs of her boots but I am soon corrected and given a cat walk demonstration of calf hugging leather. And, they do look good. She had nearly bought a dress too. Again, not understanding, I remind her she that she is still to wear the last dress she bought. I went too far again by asking when she would next need to wear a dress out. We compromise, she will buy one, but will wait for an occasion.
I’ve had more Laydee training. Lisa came around and enhanced my roots. While I was sitting there thinking how marvellous it was to have both hands free for red wine and fags (and football on in the background), she was marvelling about how close to coffee and cake this was. She did a cracking job and I forgot to tip her.
Obviously, I’ve still got a very long way to go yet. Although I now complete novice duties, making sure that I have clean hair and cleanly shaven legs when I see her (it’s a bit like having a geezer, except she notices), I have obvious trouble with one of the basics….shopping.
She’d bought another pair of winter boots. To my untrained eye, they look like 3 other pairs of her boots but I am soon corrected and given a cat walk demonstration of calf hugging leather. And, they do look good. She had nearly bought a dress too. Again, not understanding, I remind her she that she is still to wear the last dress she bought. I went too far again by asking when she would next need to wear a dress out. We compromise, she will buy one, but will wait for an occasion.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
GYM & TONIC ICE NO LEMON
I can only report this in the comfort that Purplemafling and Catster will soon be winging their way to the Sharkster. Spent a lovely evening in their company, with the added bonus of an on form Ella and a man with lovely eyes who lives in the Quadrangle. I am very bad with names.
Purplemafling had myself and Catster very worried with tales of the Sharkster’s new early morning gin habit. It was only several very concerned looks and sentences later that we realised there was a language barrier from hausfrau……she meant gym!
Phew!
Purplemafling had myself and Catster very worried with tales of the Sharkster’s new early morning gin habit. It was only several very concerned looks and sentences later that we realised there was a language barrier from hausfrau……she meant gym!
Phew!
NO INTEREST?
Hurrah. After years and years and years of compound interest I have got my Barclaycard bill down to nil. Actually, I’m 4p in credit. I am absolutely beside myself. It’s a disco rope light occasion.
So, to celebrate, I’ve set up a spread sheet and I’m going to send Barclaycard a bill for my 4p, calculated, at a daily rate, with an interest rate of 18.9% .
And when I bill em I’m going to attach a cheque, made out to me, that they just have to sign to use.
And with that bill, I’ll give them a freehold telephone number that they only need to call once to get a £25,000 loan.
Standard conditions will apply.
So, to celebrate, I’ve set up a spread sheet and I’m going to send Barclaycard a bill for my 4p, calculated, at a daily rate, with an interest rate of 18.9% .
And when I bill em I’m going to attach a cheque, made out to me, that they just have to sign to use.
And with that bill, I’ll give them a freehold telephone number that they only need to call once to get a £25,000 loan.
Standard conditions will apply.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
GOOD DAY AT THE OFFICE
This is my favourite Saturday for ages. The football’s on. I’ve nothing to do today. And most importantly, last weekend I treated myself to new pillows and got out my winter duvet. The heat wave is over. Today was the first Saturday since and I had a lie in and a massive 12 hour sleep. This leads me to believe the reason I have not been able to lie in for ages….I was too cold and uncomfortable.
I needed the kip as Thursday was a very late night. We had a brilliant gig on for work, followed by a smashing after show party. There surely cannot be anyone who knows and hates after shows as much as me, seeing as I’ve had to wait in pain for so many to end year after year. But this one was different, I was in charge and I had a budget.
Ingredients :
1 good sound system.
1 large bar tab
1 set of hollow legs that work on the night
I great guest list, courtesy of everyone bar me
Music was supplied by musical genius DJ Boyo. With a brief of glam rock, not too cheesy and Studio 54, we danced our socks off all night to tunes as varied as Olivia Newton John’s ‘Let’s Get Physical’ to a steel drum Calypso version of Gary Numan’s ‘Cars’. I literally had to force him to stop when there were only 25 of us left and I wanted to go home to bed. He was so brilliant that the artist was seen requesting some tunes and dancing herself until 1.15am.
At great expense, I decorated the room in a tribute to the album’s artwork and dressed the walls in black drapes with fairy lights threaded throughout. Fire proof naturally. It looked so pretty I wanted to move in.
Know when to call it a day
Me and DJ Boyo literally drowned in compliments on the night and the next.
Blog brag terminates here.
I needed the kip as Thursday was a very late night. We had a brilliant gig on for work, followed by a smashing after show party. There surely cannot be anyone who knows and hates after shows as much as me, seeing as I’ve had to wait in pain for so many to end year after year. But this one was different, I was in charge and I had a budget.
Ingredients :
1 good sound system.
1 large bar tab
1 set of hollow legs that work on the night
I great guest list, courtesy of everyone bar me
Music was supplied by musical genius DJ Boyo. With a brief of glam rock, not too cheesy and Studio 54, we danced our socks off all night to tunes as varied as Olivia Newton John’s ‘Let’s Get Physical’ to a steel drum Calypso version of Gary Numan’s ‘Cars’. I literally had to force him to stop when there were only 25 of us left and I wanted to go home to bed. He was so brilliant that the artist was seen requesting some tunes and dancing herself until 1.15am.
At great expense, I decorated the room in a tribute to the album’s artwork and dressed the walls in black drapes with fairy lights threaded throughout. Fire proof naturally. It looked so pretty I wanted to move in.
Know when to call it a day
Me and DJ Boyo literally drowned in compliments on the night and the next.
Blog brag terminates here.
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