I'm sorry but this series of 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' is TV Gold.
The last public vote is to send one of them into a sound booth, singing while having insects dropped over them. On logging on to vote for Jenny Frost, I noticed the web-sites paid sponsors. what the feck!
Saturday, November 26, 2005
nearly there
Anyway, the injection did start to work and I was then treated to the sight of a medic threading a big needle. “I’ll be OK as long as I can have a vodka later!” “Yes, yes”, and they accurately mimicked me gulping down vodka after vodka. Four medics then gathered around and held down my leg. It was important that I didn’t move it. The needle went in and I could feel the thread going through my skin. Another medic held my hand and talked to me to keep me calm. “One suture, brave girl. What is your name?” One more suture. And another. It’s all over and once I completed the paperwork I was free to leave. I thanked them all, as they had been wonderful. I was given a painkiller and I was just about to leave the scary room, when they gave me the most painful parting shot. “NO DRINK!” They had lied. Pah.
If you are squeamish
look
away
now!!!!!
If you are squeamish
look
away
now!!!!!
Friday, November 25, 2005
ne nor ne nor ne nor
I was told that it was best that I did not look now, and I agreed. After much talking in Spanish, eventually It was agreed that I had to go to the Hospital in an Ambulance to have stitches. I have to admit that I was a little scared. I’ve always been really nervous about banging my shins after having had a bad bash on a bus once. I was only saved from a similar injury by the fashion of the day, black leather riding boots. Fashion worked against me this week though, as I was wearing one of my new purchases, a pair of ¾ length trousers. Cor, you couldn’t make it up Laydees. Seconds later, the plan had changed. I was to be sewn up backstage. I was taken around the block in the Ambulance and walked into a blinding white, empty concrete room, with several bright florescent lights. There was a solitary bench, which I was laid on. Within seconds the empty room was full of 15 or so Medics clocking onto duty. They all spoke loudly in a strange language, in the strange scary room. Someone brought a bin over and I feared for the leg, but it was OK, the bin was for the wrapper coming off the big needle someone had pulled out. A lady slapped my shin. `I looked up in alarm as she smiled and said “can you feel that?”. The injection didn’t seem to be working yet.
tbc
tbc
a health and safety issue
So, where was I? Oh yes, we arranged to meet up outside the venue at 7pm. When we got there it was a little chaotic as there were two entrances and hundreds of people outside. Some of the winners were already there and scared of the huge queues, but I soon established the guest list area and all the names were listed and there was no queue there at all. We were only waiting for four more to turn. One of them rang three times for our location and still couldn’t see us. In desperation, I walked towards them with one hand waving in the air and I scoured the crowd.
Then, out of nowhere, crash. My left shin hit a decorative paving stone, followed by my knee smashing against the floor…while bearing the full weight of my body. I quickly looked around to see what had happened and I saw a horse shoe pattern of decorative stones, exactly the same colour as the pavement, sticking out of the ground. I have a photo of this hideous Health & Safety breech on the way. I rolled over and cried out in pain. But on looking down at my knee and seeing no blood, I carried on with my call. In shock I suppose, I simply changed the directions to “we’re by the Ambulance”. For luckily I had fallen in front of a Red Cross ambulance. A paramedic rushed over and immediately started to massage my wound. Once I’d finished talking I looked down at my leg again and I was sickened at the sight. There was a big hole and a maggot of my fat hanging out of it.
tbc
Then, out of nowhere, crash. My left shin hit a decorative paving stone, followed by my knee smashing against the floor…while bearing the full weight of my body. I quickly looked around to see what had happened and I saw a horse shoe pattern of decorative stones, exactly the same colour as the pavement, sticking out of the ground. I have a photo of this hideous Health & Safety breech on the way. I rolled over and cried out in pain. But on looking down at my knee and seeing no blood, I carried on with my call. In shock I suppose, I simply changed the directions to “we’re by the Ambulance”. For luckily I had fallen in front of a Red Cross ambulance. A paramedic rushed over and immediately started to massage my wound. Once I’d finished talking I looked down at my leg again and I was sickened at the sight. There was a big hole and a maggot of my fat hanging out of it.
tbc
Thursday, November 24, 2005
bear with me, someone will end up in stitches
If I’m being honest I always knew that something would go wrong but even I had underestimated the full extent of the horror to be unveiled to you. After all the last time I brought GF competition winners to Spain the artist pulled out of the show the day before and LLT busted her big toe open. But, you can’t let paranoia ruin things and so, I planned it as meticulously as I could and hoped for the best. I mean what could go wrong during a trip to another country with 11 strangers from up North?
The night before we were due to leave, I planned an early night, I did my packing and last minute chores and I was just about to settle on the couch when I noticed I had a missed call and a message from someone unknown to my phone. Hoping it was a competition winner with a dumb last minute enquiry, I gingerly listened to the message. It seemed that Manchester, where they were all flying from, was bathed in a blanket of thick fog. Their flight was cancelled. Shit. I phoned the travel agent’s 24 hour phone line and discovered that it was true. I also discovered that BA do not have a 24 hour telephone number. What an outrage. I then spent approximately 25 minutes holding 11 seats on Manchester – Heathrow – Madrid flights that departed at 6.20am (2 hours earlier than planned and with a new stop off). The lucky winners would now need to be at the Airport at 5.20am and were even not guaranteed seats. Oh joy. At 9.45pm I began ringing round. I started with my colleague and mercy mercy me, she had just re-checked the web-site and for no apparent reason the flight was back. I immediately rang back the travel agent and hoped that she had not released the real seats to last minute sun seekers or that we would not have to buy them back at £1200 each. Ooh la la, they were still ours. I gleefully rang back my colleague and took the precaution of banning the competition winner from the internet until we were back.
At 7.15am the next day, while in the cab to Paddington (optimistic I know), I checked and both our flights were on schedule. I texted them both. The competition winner already knew, as she was in the Airport Bar having a beer. Hmm, hear alarm bells? Guess what? She was a joy and on meeting everyone at Madrid Airport, I found that they were all nice normal people. How lucky I thought as we jumped in 3 cabs to the hotel.
While trying to be polite I volunteered to take the worst seat in the cab and sat up front with the driver. This turned out to be a big no no. Before I sat down I removed a newspaper from the seat and placed it carefully on the dashboard. Unluckily for me I missed an envelope and sat on it. The driver noticed and glared at me while reeling off a torrent of abuse in Spanish. Again, I was a good girl in front of the winners, and I took the mad ramblings without responding as I normally would. I had just started to calm down when I noticed that the meter wasn’t running. I thought it odd, but again I didn’t make the normal fuss. The driver claimed not to speak English but he reacted a couple of times to things I said and I realised he was barking mad. So, I didn’t say a word when he laughed like a maniac and wrote down the fare at 40€. I thought just get away from him but I was a little unhappy when I discovered that the other 2 cabs had only charged 25€. Still I had petty cash, no real harm done. We checked into the hotel easily and arranged to meet outside the venue at 7pm. My colleague and I released from duties then spent a lovely afternoon being Laydee-like and shopped. We did this properly and literally until we dropped. We were tired and hungry by the time we sat down to eat and expectantly ordered a feast of pizza and green salad. Boy were we let down. The worst pizza ever and THE most rustic green salad ever. See for yourself.
The horrors are to be continued.
The night before we were due to leave, I planned an early night, I did my packing and last minute chores and I was just about to settle on the couch when I noticed I had a missed call and a message from someone unknown to my phone. Hoping it was a competition winner with a dumb last minute enquiry, I gingerly listened to the message. It seemed that Manchester, where they were all flying from, was bathed in a blanket of thick fog. Their flight was cancelled. Shit. I phoned the travel agent’s 24 hour phone line and discovered that it was true. I also discovered that BA do not have a 24 hour telephone number. What an outrage. I then spent approximately 25 minutes holding 11 seats on Manchester – Heathrow – Madrid flights that departed at 6.20am (2 hours earlier than planned and with a new stop off). The lucky winners would now need to be at the Airport at 5.20am and were even not guaranteed seats. Oh joy. At 9.45pm I began ringing round. I started with my colleague and mercy mercy me, she had just re-checked the web-site and for no apparent reason the flight was back. I immediately rang back the travel agent and hoped that she had not released the real seats to last minute sun seekers or that we would not have to buy them back at £1200 each. Ooh la la, they were still ours. I gleefully rang back my colleague and took the precaution of banning the competition winner from the internet until we were back.
At 7.15am the next day, while in the cab to Paddington (optimistic I know), I checked and both our flights were on schedule. I texted them both. The competition winner already knew, as she was in the Airport Bar having a beer. Hmm, hear alarm bells? Guess what? She was a joy and on meeting everyone at Madrid Airport, I found that they were all nice normal people. How lucky I thought as we jumped in 3 cabs to the hotel.
While trying to be polite I volunteered to take the worst seat in the cab and sat up front with the driver. This turned out to be a big no no. Before I sat down I removed a newspaper from the seat and placed it carefully on the dashboard. Unluckily for me I missed an envelope and sat on it. The driver noticed and glared at me while reeling off a torrent of abuse in Spanish. Again, I was a good girl in front of the winners, and I took the mad ramblings without responding as I normally would. I had just started to calm down when I noticed that the meter wasn’t running. I thought it odd, but again I didn’t make the normal fuss. The driver claimed not to speak English but he reacted a couple of times to things I said and I realised he was barking mad. So, I didn’t say a word when he laughed like a maniac and wrote down the fare at 40€. I thought just get away from him but I was a little unhappy when I discovered that the other 2 cabs had only charged 25€. Still I had petty cash, no real harm done. We checked into the hotel easily and arranged to meet outside the venue at 7pm. My colleague and I released from duties then spent a lovely afternoon being Laydee-like and shopped. We did this properly and literally until we dropped. We were tired and hungry by the time we sat down to eat and expectantly ordered a feast of pizza and green salad. Boy were we let down. The worst pizza ever and THE most rustic green salad ever. See for yourself.
The horrors are to be continued.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
unofficial book club meeting
I fought the flu and I won. My super human strength has returned and after 10 rounds with the flu virus that has decimated the office, I emerge unscathed. Inevitably, after one weekend studying procrastination and another fighting flu, I felt like making up for all those lost fun packed hours. I blame DJ Boyo. He called me into his office of Friday to listen to a new remix from my favourite band. IT WAS LOUD and before long I had my hands in the air. I emerged from his office with a huge grin on my face and I immediately emailed LLT to suggest a bit of a night. She has an essay to write and being my procrastination mentor, she didn’t need much persuasion.
The evening soon developed a theme, that of Pullman’s Dark Materials, and we viewed everything in terms of adventures and tasks. We easily slipped into the characters of Lyra and Will on a journey to Saturday evening. We rendezvous in the Elephant for the first of the night’s tasks. We met up with a friend that Perry had introduced me to. “It’d be funny if he turned up” I said at one point but I definitely did not expect him to. Just as I was finishing my drink, Perry popped his head around the door of the pub. He immediately recognises LLT and is not in the least surprised to see her. His eyes then focus on me but it takes him a few seconds to realise that I am actually there, as I had been willing myself invisible. Once the spell wore off (I'm still learning it) he could see me and his eyes popped out of his head cartoon stylee. A chorus of polite hellos followed. It was a little awkward and I was keen to get on with the night’s next task, taking the bus home in Arctic conditions. For the benefit of our ex-pats I should add that it’s freezing cold in Blighty. LLT got me and we scarpered.
Apart from an ASBO OAP with a constant stream of loud incoming text message alerts (!!!), the journey was quick and painless. The next task was easy too, but essential. We stocked up with a night’s supply of vodka, fags and mixers. Once we got back to mine I immediately made a start on the night’s biggest task, lighting a fire to keep LLT warm. She has a terror of the cold. It was soon toasty warm as long as we stayed within 1 metre of the fire. I haven’t used it in months and it soon became clear that we did not have enough fuel. As I had been looking out the window and laughing at cold people, I left it until the very last minute before I became one of them. It was 3.30am before I finally left the flat decked out like a modern day Lyra on a mission. In reality I looked more like a Lego man with my huge coat and massive hair. With dogged determination, I carried a bag of coal, kindling and an emergency bottle of mixer home without stopping once.
Normally when LLT camps over I try to get her out on a night time expedition to my tree. And, when the appropriate time came I did ask her if she’d like to see this. We had spent the whole night honing our witch skills and finishing each others sentences (which came in very handy in the early hours). We're even virtually on the same page at book club. So, before I even asked, I knew that the answer would be no and due to the Artic conditions outside I, for once, agreed. To compensate, LLT agreed to don an extra layer and trek to the west wing to see the moon high in the crystal blue sky. Meanwhile I drew the curtains in the east wing and we watched as the sun rose above the roofs opposite and gradually melted the ice from their roofs.
We played cards throughout the night and I was on one hell of a roll. LLT acted like a trooper and resolved to keep playing until she won a game. She was battling feelings of doubt and insecurity and occasionally they manifested themselves in the use of a strange girly voice that sickened her to the very core. She made me promise to reprimand her every time it happened and my Matron like style, ie barking, soon cured her of her ailment. She in turn diagnosed a terrible symptom in me. It seems that I am a show off and that taking picture photos of the score line and my winning cards for my blog is showing off. I self-treated and deleted them all the next day. It was Saturday by the time that LLT won a game and just as soon as she did, we both collapsed exhausted into 2 small heaps.
The evening soon developed a theme, that of Pullman’s Dark Materials, and we viewed everything in terms of adventures and tasks. We easily slipped into the characters of Lyra and Will on a journey to Saturday evening. We rendezvous in the Elephant for the first of the night’s tasks. We met up with a friend that Perry had introduced me to. “It’d be funny if he turned up” I said at one point but I definitely did not expect him to. Just as I was finishing my drink, Perry popped his head around the door of the pub. He immediately recognises LLT and is not in the least surprised to see her. His eyes then focus on me but it takes him a few seconds to realise that I am actually there, as I had been willing myself invisible. Once the spell wore off (I'm still learning it) he could see me and his eyes popped out of his head cartoon stylee. A chorus of polite hellos followed. It was a little awkward and I was keen to get on with the night’s next task, taking the bus home in Arctic conditions. For the benefit of our ex-pats I should add that it’s freezing cold in Blighty. LLT got me and we scarpered.
Apart from an ASBO OAP with a constant stream of loud incoming text message alerts (!!!), the journey was quick and painless. The next task was easy too, but essential. We stocked up with a night’s supply of vodka, fags and mixers. Once we got back to mine I immediately made a start on the night’s biggest task, lighting a fire to keep LLT warm. She has a terror of the cold. It was soon toasty warm as long as we stayed within 1 metre of the fire. I haven’t used it in months and it soon became clear that we did not have enough fuel. As I had been looking out the window and laughing at cold people, I left it until the very last minute before I became one of them. It was 3.30am before I finally left the flat decked out like a modern day Lyra on a mission. In reality I looked more like a Lego man with my huge coat and massive hair. With dogged determination, I carried a bag of coal, kindling and an emergency bottle of mixer home without stopping once.
Normally when LLT camps over I try to get her out on a night time expedition to my tree. And, when the appropriate time came I did ask her if she’d like to see this. We had spent the whole night honing our witch skills and finishing each others sentences (which came in very handy in the early hours). We're even virtually on the same page at book club. So, before I even asked, I knew that the answer would be no and due to the Artic conditions outside I, for once, agreed. To compensate, LLT agreed to don an extra layer and trek to the west wing to see the moon high in the crystal blue sky. Meanwhile I drew the curtains in the east wing and we watched as the sun rose above the roofs opposite and gradually melted the ice from their roofs.
We played cards throughout the night and I was on one hell of a roll. LLT acted like a trooper and resolved to keep playing until she won a game. She was battling feelings of doubt and insecurity and occasionally they manifested themselves in the use of a strange girly voice that sickened her to the very core. She made me promise to reprimand her every time it happened and my Matron like style, ie barking, soon cured her of her ailment. She in turn diagnosed a terrible symptom in me. It seems that I am a show off and that taking picture photos of the score line and my winning cards for my blog is showing off. I self-treated and deleted them all the next day. It was Saturday by the time that LLT won a game and just as soon as she did, we both collapsed exhausted into 2 small heaps.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
catster appeal
I’ve been thinking about something Purplemafling said lately (although it wasn’t in German!), that we are supposed to love the season we were born in the most. For this Leo it means sadly waving bye bye to the summer. Winter for me means SAD! Of course, it doesn’t kick in ‘til January but it’s on it’s way and I’m dreading it already. In an effort to stay positive, trainee-hippy that I am, I’m looking to Nature. Gosh, there’s whole season to come before then.
I have found an autumnal Brockwell Park to be a great comfort. The late heatwave and mild October have left the leaves a wonderful mixture of green, yellow, orange and red. Conkers and acorns lay under every tree and the squirrels have postponed all thoughts of hibernation. This morning topped the lot. While out jogging at 7.30am (in my sun glasses, no make-up see Laydees) on a blanket of thin white frost, and against a crystal clear blue sky, I could see the waning full moon to the right and the rising sun to the left. I supposed I must have seen this before at some point, but I am so glad that I saw it today. It’s truly wonderful and I am officially appealing to catster to record this on her blog on behalf of our ex-pats. catster, set that alarm and be down the park at 7am please.
As I type, I have a full view of the yesterday's slightly waning full Moon and Mars. It’s been great being me today.
I have found an autumnal Brockwell Park to be a great comfort. The late heatwave and mild October have left the leaves a wonderful mixture of green, yellow, orange and red. Conkers and acorns lay under every tree and the squirrels have postponed all thoughts of hibernation. This morning topped the lot. While out jogging at 7.30am (in my sun glasses, no make-up see Laydees) on a blanket of thin white frost, and against a crystal clear blue sky, I could see the waning full moon to the right and the rising sun to the left. I supposed I must have seen this before at some point, but I am so glad that I saw it today. It’s truly wonderful and I am officially appealing to catster to record this on her blog on behalf of our ex-pats. catster, set that alarm and be down the park at 7am please.
As I type, I have a full view of the yesterday's slightly waning full Moon and Mars. It’s been great being me today.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
?
I’m more than a little concerned. There’s the most beautiful full moon out there (to the left of Mars) and I’m perfectly calm and not in the least bit manic.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
i want to go here (corr)
“As if from Heaven itself, great curtains of delicate light hung and trembled. Pale green and rose-pink, and as transparent as the most fragile fabric, and at the bottom edge a profound and fiery crimson like the fires of Hell, they swung and shimmered loosely with more grace than the most skilful dancer. Lyra thought she could even hear them : a vast distant whispering swish. She was moved by it: it was so beautiful it was almost holy: she felt tears prick her eyes, and the tears splintered the light even further into prismatic rainbows. “
Lyra, from 'Northern Lights' by Philip Pullman
In real life too
stimulus : response
I had hoped to add more to my list of things to do when ill yesterday, but in the end I just dribbled on the couch all day. I did however think of something not to do, do not live above NN when ill. I’ve lived here happily for 10 years now, but them downstairs have ruined it for me. It’s routine for me to bang my bedroom floor violently to get them to turn their music down. It’s another bedroom under mine, so the could easily pick another room for their very late night music and shite bass playing. There’s monkeys who learn quicker than them. Bang = Turn it Down AND (very important) don’t keep doing it. My biggest fear is that they just don’t care. I mean they are already smoking skunk when I’m on the way to work!
Oh and now I can do this .....that'll do!!
Oh and now I can do this .....that'll do!!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
shopping
I look after the competitions at work and so far this year I’ve sent 4 people to Ibiza, 10 to New York and I’m taking 10 people to Madrid on the 22nd. I’ll only be there for 1 night. It’s OK laydees, I know what I have to do there in my one afternoon. Shop! I emailed the female work colleague who is going with me to suggest this. “Oh yes, one can never have too many bags or shoes.” Just as I think I’ve climbed a rung on the ladder. I en’t taking it that far.
☹ lergy
I think that I have finally succumbed to the bug that has decimated the office. The Boss Boss was wiped out for 4 weeks, several others have been knocked for 6 and it looks like even my super human defence system has been infiltrated.
I confided in the MD, a hippy/spiritual type (sort of). He advised taking a whole batch of natural drugs with the main ingredient being a spoonful of powdered vitamin C every hour for 8 hours on the first day, every 2 hours on the second, and so forth. He obviously doesn’t want me ringing in sick. He then told that no one (including him) had ever actually tried his recommended course of medication. “I’ll do it” I say in my pioneering NO fear attitude. This pleases him but then he confides that I will be at risk from diarrhoea. Not wanting to risk the consistency of my stools, I back out of the deal. Arf.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
A VERY COMPLEX PERSONALITY
Today at work Booby asked me if I was seeing my boyfriend this weekend. I explained that I'm single and he told me that he’s not surprised that I haven’t got a boyfriend as I am a very demanding person. He then added that this is not a bad thing, it just means I have a very complex personality. I didn’t hit him!
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Thursday, November 03, 2005
WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES
Hurrah. Although I still cannot access anything from before last Thursday, everything has been found. I just can't have it. I have also been able to access and print off my contacts, I've had a peak at my in box (420 emails) and I have an email account. So, I can work.
My biggest smile of the day comes quite late. The whole network goes crazy. It’s pretty tense at work anyway as we have a single working it’s way up the Top Ten chart (hopefully). Then the phones lines go down for a short time, the internet for even longer and we can only receive emails. Hmm, how do contact a database without phone lines? That’s not funny. But what is funny is watching all the people who had remarked on how upset I got at being computer impotent for 2 days + and counting. A ha ha. A ha ha. They start to whimper at only 20 minutes. At an hour they are all up in arms. 2 hours down and they’ve lost it. Completely. “Light weights” I cry. “Take that feeling and multiple it by 2 ½ days”. I then told my Boss to go home as he was bringing me down.
More boos and hisses for codenamelizzy.
My biggest smile of the day comes quite late. The whole network goes crazy. It’s pretty tense at work anyway as we have a single working it’s way up the Top Ten chart (hopefully). Then the phones lines go down for a short time, the internet for even longer and we can only receive emails. Hmm, how do contact a database without phone lines? That’s not funny. But what is funny is watching all the people who had remarked on how upset I got at being computer impotent for 2 days + and counting. A ha ha. A ha ha. They start to whimper at only 20 minutes. At an hour they are all up in arms. 2 hours down and they’ve lost it. Completely. “Light weights” I cry. “Take that feeling and multiple it by 2 ½ days”. I then told my Boss to go home as he was bringing me down.
More boos and hisses for codenamelizzy.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
NOT ANOTHER GOOD DAY AT THE OFFICE
Pah! I’ve spent the last 1 ½ working days without access to incoming or outgoing emails, my contacts, my calendar, the internet and all of my lovely spreadsheets. Internal email was fully functional but knowing that the sandwich man was in reception and that half a dozen people had phoned in sick got me nowhere. It’s been torture. After having the briefest glimmer of hope in 1 ½ days…access to the internet.. cruelly snatched away after approx 30 seconds, I could finally take no more and I left 30 minutes earlier than normal. Protest! Plus, I cannot stop myself kicking a chair and having a codenamelizzy rant on the way out, across a long open plan office. This leads to my boss outdoing my dramatic exit. “Go on, go home. We don’t want you here, you’re bringing us down.” And then cheering “hurrah, hurrah, hurrah the witch is dead” as I flounce out, flipping the full length of my mane in his direction. Huh!
So, how now to settle my nerves, regain my perspective and, hopefully, my sense of humour. What would a laydee do? It’s takes only a few short seconds to come up with the correct answer. SHOP. I did it Friday night too.
So, I’m now sat here breaking in a pair of very expensive pair of jeans that cut off the air past my waist, in the hope that I will slim into them. How Laydee-like is that?
So, how now to settle my nerves, regain my perspective and, hopefully, my sense of humour. What would a laydee do? It’s takes only a few short seconds to come up with the correct answer. SHOP. I did it Friday night too.
So, I’m now sat here breaking in a pair of very expensive pair of jeans that cut off the air past my waist, in the hope that I will slim into them. How Laydee-like is that?
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