big brother : day 16

They awoke to the ominous peels of bells ringing the Death March.

Glyn sings a lot. He doesn’t have the voice of Tom Jones and knows it. Yesterday he sang Aled Jones. Most of his tunes have a Welsh theme, naturally for a raving racist bigot. Is there such a thing as a green green grass of home shirt? Chantelle shook her booty in front of him. Good job he was in a bubble bath at the time. However, her charms have apparently eluded him and he later declared that he no longer fancies her. I think he still fancies Dolly though.

The sun is out and the bikinis are on. Dolly’s melons are hemmed in by a couple of hammocks. Chantelle wears little enough as it is and has been portrayed in The Sun lounging around with no knickers on but her bikinis are by far the most risqué that we have ever seen on BB. They are even worse than the grotesque Orlaith’s. Chantelle wears G-string bikinis and chandelier bikinis that a stripper would be proud of. Of course this sparked a bitch fest with the Plastics and Our Kid declaring that she doesn’t even have a nice bum. It’s not that bad. Grace has found someone new to trash. She seems to have forgotten that only last week her rants were directed at seeing everything that Nicki had to offer via her hot pants and extremely short shorts. Her meat and 2 veg, so to speak. Since Nice But Posh left Grace has become more accepting of Nicki as there is less conflict. Lisa still group hops, like Pete. Our Kid shrilled out loud that Chantelle had been in the bedroom naked, much to the group’s disgust. Grace rolled her eyes to high heaven.

The Grace/Chantelle hostility is down to jealousy again. Leah’s spotted Mikey staring at Chantelle, so perhaps Grace has noticed too. Mikey and Chantelle were playfully wrestling and he ended up on top of her on the couch giggling. Cue Grace storming through the room barking “Mikey come and help me look for my earring”. It was a direct order. He chose to ignore it. I think he fancies Chantelle and is cooling on Grace. She has started being too bossy with him and uses a raised voice a lot. I think he’s tiring of the bitching and wants people to chill and accept each other more. He’s still a dickhead like.

Grace has had it in for Chantelle since her arrival but her flirting and constant near nudity has made it worse. According to Grace, Chantelle’s feet look like a hobbit’s, she’s a slag, a moose, she wants to be black, she thinks she’s a black ghetto hoochy, she’s vain, her hair falls out and the house is full of freaks. She says that Sam is a brown nose. The plastics told Mikey that Chantelle fancies him. Bad move ladies. Grace thinks that herself, Nicki and Imogen will be up for eviction next week. I think she could be right. At the moment I want Grace out next.

The plastics and Our Kid are being vile to Sam, who is delusional. She only sees a slight divide and is ecstatic and feeling positive, she thinks that everyone is wonderful and that there is a great group atmosphere. She feels closest to Chantelle, Nicki and in particular Imogen. The later 2 loathe her. She doesn’t feel close to Grace, although she is amazing, obviously. This woman cannot take a hint. No wonder she wants to have so many girly chats. She ain’t got the hang of it yet. Cut the chop, if you see what I mean.

Leah didn’t want to be evicted, as she is scared of getting stoned. This is because she was booed on the way in, when no one knew her and just saw a blonde with juggernaut tits. Also, previously a young child described her in a task as follows “She looks a bit iffy I don’t really like her. She thinks she’d the best of the best but she’s not.” This mad her cry. Anyone who has had as much surgery as her must have self-esteem issues and hates themselves. Staying in has boosted her morale a little but thankfully not her silicone implants. Pete is thrilled that Dolly is staying and may have a crush on her.

Grace and Imogen assumed that Sleazy would stay and couldn’t decide whom they wanted to leave more, Dicky or Dolly. Dolly correctly guessed that Sleazy would go but there may have been a sliver of wish fulfilment in it. Sleazy was adamant that he would not be evicted. He thought that Dolly should go home to her family and that Dicky is a bully. He was so sure that he would not be out that he didn’t even put on an eviction outfit. Then he said, “what if I do go? I’m going to look like a compete and utter fool”. He then did a rap about how women want to touch his chest. TV gold.

It was only seconds before hearing Davina’s voice for the first time that he suddenly realised that like the lottery it could be him. Re-watching his face when Davina said his name was beautiful. I could watch it on a loop for a month. The plastics went into meltdown. They got their knifes out and said to make sure Davina was set right about Dicky. Chantelle upset them by shouting “yes” and jumping on Dicky. They called her a stupid bitch for laughing, behind her back naturally. The plastics, and Our Kid, cannot believe it and did not see it coming. Even though the boos were eardrum shattering when the doors opened, the word ‘fixed’ was mentioned. Ha ha. 91.6% worth of fixed. This has solidified the divide; Grace declared ”we” are not losing this. The battle lines are drawn and the weapons have been selected. The plastic fantastic weapon of choice: bikinis and make-up every day.