i've got an outfit but that's the least of my worries

I have been missing the sharkster rather a lot of late . Of all the people I know in the whole world, apart from my family, it’s her that has tolerated and tried to understand me for the longest. This is an impossibly trying task I know and I wish she were here now as it’s the night before the dreaded staff Christmas party.

I fear ANY social gathering. When surrounded by unfamiliar people, with whom I must make small talk, I am rubbish, I talk rubbish and I do rubbish things. This is one of my biggest battles and regrets in life. Give me a role and I’m fine, which is why I tend to run around trying to help or construct things, anything to give me a focus. I can drink anyone under the table and I regularly enjoy nights with mates where I do not say the wrong thing, or spend the next day analysing and cringing at anything I said or have to make up news rules for spotting the end of the night. But dos of this kind fill me with fear and I am terrified already.

Tomorrow is my third staff party in my current job. The first time I wisely left at 11pm. The second time I danced all night, thus avoiding any need for small talk. But this is my third year, so I know everyone and so I can’t avoid everyone all night like I want to. The News of the Screws has terrified me these last few weekends with sensationalist double page spreads of what people get up to at these things. Here’s today’s troubling strap lines and statistics: “Piccadilly Circus crowds saw me at it”; “I enjoyed sin on a bin with barman” 58% of partygoers said they fancied getting off with a workmate; 62% of blokes fantasise about going all the way at the office party.

Sharkster I’m scared. Please keep those fingers crossed for me and hope that my hollow legs work when they are needed the most.

My other biggest fear is any date in my diary but that’s a whole different blog. Phew eh.