day 12

The weekend coverage was dull in comparison to the eviction. So far Jimmy has not managed to liven up the proceedings. George was very impressed with Jimmy’s stories that he invented Top of the Pops and broke the Rolling Stones in the UK after their first single flopped. George wasn’t happy with Dennis’ reaction to Jimmy and sanctimoniously said that if a US idol had walked in instead of Jimmy, he would have treated them well. Completely forgetting the fact that Dennis is a US idol and he’s been more than rude to and about him. Jimmy bored Pete who was petrified that they would be stuck with him for the duration.

But a booze-fuelled party for Preston’s birthday has propped the show up. It’s somehow morphed into ‘Celebrity Love Island’. Dennis and Traci are at each other’s throats. As regular readers will know he has alluded to Traci’s behaviour when drinking before. Dennis and Faria are holding hands, spooning and playing games. Faria has admitted that she used to love watching him play basketball. And he went out with Madonna for 2 years. I think he’ll get there, if he doesn’t go off the idea first. By the by, Faria’s nickname when she was young was fire alarm. She thinks is because the words are spelt in a similar way (?) but really it’s because of the awful screech that comes out of her mouth every time she opens it. Chantelle and Preston are brewing nicely. Preston had a girlfriend when he entered the house although who knows if he still does. While he is determined to down play it, the oldies are trying to warn her how it looks to the outer world and protect her for her impending stardom. Granted Preston has handled the media before, given interviews and has even done TOTP, but there is a huge difference between the media frenzy that they will meet if they do get it together and his press officer plugging away at music publications.

Rula and George are hyping Chantelle up and letting her know how it’s going to be. George completely forgetting that Chantelle is herself a look-a-like herself, thinks that there are already Chantelle look-a-likes out here already. They are acting as her agent and her manager and desperately trying to find a gap in the market for someone with no obvious talent. Anything other than Page 3 and the joint glamour shoot that Jodie’s planning. George is realistic enough to know that she’s no singer. Chantelle however, thinks she worked the room when she performed her song and is a 4/10. Delusional. Preston advised her that no matter what, she should not promote herself as another one of BB’s blonde bimbos. Errrr.

In real life, The Ordinary Boys “Boys will be Boys’ (how ironic) is being re-released on Monday and has gone on the Radio 1 C List.

The lack of fags is really getting to Pete and he’s being a proper bitch. Faria and Rula have moaned about it. On his bitch rounds he told Chantelle and Preston that he would cut Preston’s cock off if he was his girlfriend and told Chantelle that she can’t be as dumb as she acts. He tested his theory by asking her a series of ludicrously easy questions such as “what’s your address”. But I think she is dumb and he knows she is too. He’s trying to get nominated for eviction as he misses his boyfriend. He was shown a video message of him and his ex wife, against all odds they all get on. His boyfriend told him that he had packed him some trousers and that he should put them on. I don’t know if that’s because he’s only been wearing skirts and skimpys or because he’s been walking around in his pants. Either way Pete put them on. He cried after the video message. Dennis gave him a man hug. Pete’s great and must win.

Oh no, Pete wants to leave now and says that it’s car crash telly at its lowest common level. No coffee, no fags, (his staple diet), no sleep (Dennis and Michael are still snoring every night) and no privacy in the bathroom (his sanctuary). He’s not having fun and told BB straight that he wants to go, making free use of the f word. Dennis was given some pampering products from Jimmy. Dennis and Pete went to the Diary Room to reactivate the trade embargo system. Pete told them to stick them where the sun don’t shine and to swap them for fags and coffee. BB obviously knows that Pete is the star and gave in, making Dennis look like a hero in the process.

Dennis started the day by jumping on top of Faria. On asking if she should get used to this, he told her not to flatter herself. Just in case, Faria now applies make-up of a morning. Chantelle is adamant that she would never kiss Preston because he has a girlfriend. All her boyfriends have cheated on her. Preston also denies that there is anything going on with Chantelle and says that they get on so well BECAUSE he misses his girlfriend. However, a few red wines later and Preston had his arm around her, is stroked her hip and hugging her and said “you are the tyre of person that I love”. Faria is adamant that she does not fancy Dennis. George has given Faria a pep talk about her having done nothing wrong with Sven (all over 30, none of them married blah blah), no doubt paving the way home to his own girlfriend over his non-stop flirting with Rula. So there’s nothing going on right!!!

Chantelle told Preston that he has a 2 track mind, cigarettes and alcohol. But he’s no Liam Gallagher! Rula’s still wearing the power pants. The group do not know it’s a task that gives her special powers. Michael told George that he was in the TAs until he got ejected for throwing a fag out of a second floor window. What an unfortunate thing to tell the British public. Jokes about his case are unacceptable and I shall not be making any. It’s not funny.

Is Maggot still in there? I’ve gone right off him. He is a little maggot.