i can’t wait to have a garden #289

Well, so much for my hopes of a restful weekend. I think that this is only the second sunny weekend this year and instead of the 2 park trips that I thought of as soon as I saw the sun, I was busy re-representing again. I started yesterday with a gentle sweep of the garden during which my Estate Agent rang to tell me there would be a viewing at 1pm. I then spent the next 2 hours finding things to clean and clearing up. A gorgeous Estate Agent turned up but no buyer. Booooo. Still, it was good to talk him through the property and give him all my tips for future presentations. There are huge advantages to living on a hill that you might not think about unless you’ve done it. Being close to Crystal Palace means that you can use a digital box with a paperclip as an aerial and the water pressure from my handheld shower attachment is akin to a power shower. His name is Solomon and Shark would eat him up. Cor.

Downstairs had some people viewing and I seemed to bump into every single one of them whilst tidying the garden. None of them seemed too impressed with the flat, which surprised me no end. I then did my best Bree Van der Camp impression by sinking ½ bottle of red wine during England’s 6-0 trouncing of Jamaica in a World Cup friendly. Fuelled by alcohol when I spotted 2 of the old downstairs tenants park in the driveway I grassed them up immediately by calling Marj the Landlady. I thought that I was free of them forever but no, as she had foolishly said that they could come back and use the garden, in exchange for some gardening. I carefully threw the word ‘squatting’ into the conversation and she immediately changed her mind and asked me to get them to drop off the keys to me. I didn’t mind doing her dirty work one little bit in order to ensure that they did not come back. I suggested to Marj that they do something about the wild pivot hedge in the front garden. This suggestion did not sit well with them and they obviously had no intention of doing anything other than lounge. They are excellent at this. So, I really enjoyed telling them that I’d do it as they were dropping the keys off with me later. A ha ha ha. She wasn’t happy. Marj rang again and I reported the excellent progress that I had made in a very short time, and I, to train for my own garden, offered to cut the front hedge myself.

In exchange for this, and I wasn’t expecting it, but I have the keys to downstairs and can use the garden at anytime. A man from Council turned up next to remove this clapped out rust bucket that’s been in the same position for a year, left by the showers of shits that left, at the same time as more viewers for downstairs. Boy it was manic, but I was then able to get rid of the 2 smelly squatters by asking them to move their car, which speeded everything up nicely. They are out of my life forever. I have the keys!!!!! Anyway I was right, as it did not look good, them sunning themselves in the garden, with viewers around. Once they’d gone I was straight in the shed for the hedge cutters and began work immediately. Suddenly some of the viewers retuned to quiz me about downstairs, and in particular why it’s on the market for more that the same flat next door which doesn’t smell of damp, is decorated and in much better nick. I was as positive as I could be and told them what a nice area it is etc etc. Suddenly, again, Solomon turned up with some viewers for my property. Now I didn’t mind but had been told that a call would always precede a visit. So, being tipsy, in my tiny shorts, with shearers in my hand, I was too overexcited to accompany him and thought it best to leave him to it. I’m not sure how it went, other than the lady saying “your flat’s lovely” as she left. I vow to be less hysterical next time, but I am not going to be too hard on myself as I was very excited about having a go at gardening.

Anyway, I cannot wait to have my own front and back gardens as you meet everyone. During my 3 hours back breaking labour yesterday, 3 people stopped to thank me for cutting the bush as previously pedestrians had to go dangerously close to the kerb just to pass the house. An old friend walked past 3 times and I had a chat with my neighbour. One man stopped to give me a Double Mint chewing gum and lots of people shouted out “you’re doing a great job. It was fab.

I was 50/50 lucky with callers today. The next-door neighbour leant me a great pair of cutters that sliced through branches cleanly and easily. I think it saved my life as before that kind act I was using a rusty saw. A man from over the road popped over to ask if he could take a lot of the foliage for his florist brother. That was brilliant as the Council only pick up 4 bags. He then revealed that he is a gardener and told me what I had to do and cut off a few things that I would never have dreamt of touching. You couldn’t make it up.

However, on the down side, one man scared the life out of me by asking me the time while I was at the top of the ladder cutting a very high piece of pivot. I was very rude to him, as he had nearly caused me to topple. The man opposite popped over, not to help or anything but just top have a nose about the FOR SALE sign. I was pleasant to him.

After another 4 hours work, 5 if you include the cleaning up, I love gardening and cannot wait to have my own.