big brother : day 1 again

I’ve watched the first programme 3 times now just for you all who can’t be here. And I’ve seen a bit of live coverage too. All for you! Bro woke up with a cold this morning and sadly can’t be here today but fingers crossed for a DIY frenzy tomorrow. I have painted the bathroom though.

Bonnie : dull. She asked Pete if he was on something but quickly took it back. I don’t blame her for asking, anyone would have. I suspect she will get her kit off soon as she has not got a lot to say for herself. I suspect that she has terrible boobs.

Pete : I love him and think that he has a good chance of winning. He’s a lot less twitchy when he is calmer. Lisa likes him and he now has his suitcase.

George : is dull. Zzzzzzzzzz. I have nothing to say about him except having one’s eyebrow pierced does not make one hard.

Shebaz : is an idiot. I cannot believe that he is escaping eviction next week, although they did not specify a day so hopefully the first eviction will be Tuesday and he will be out next Friday. He spent a long time with BB last night and by all accounts apologised to the group for freaking them out. His excuse for being so confrontational was that he said he was expecting opposition and when he did not get it still acted as if he was provoked as he was in the zone. I suspect that he was being a twat as Richard said that he would not flirt with him and that Shebaz would not get any man on man action. This morning though he spent at least 45 minutes talking to the camera in the bathroom, until it turned on him. It actually turned on him, i.e. away from him. There he was bleating on about Princess Diana, telling us all that we were idiots if we did not believe that she was murdered. He compared his life to hers just because the year that she did Panorama he did a video diary. He was telling us all, those who stuck with it 40 minutes zzzzzzzzs that he had told the video diary that one day he would get his chance and here it

CUT

CAMERA GONE

But but but “this is my big chance”. Hurrah BB has a sense of humour.

“Are you sulking?” he asked the camera.

No, the camera was bored. You are not Hamlet and we are not interested in 40-minute soliloquies.

Idiot be gone.

He spent nearly an hour titivating himself, at least 15 minutes applying moisturiser to his face, another 10 minutes patting down his hair, straightening his eyebrows etc.

Loser. By the time he had left the bathroom the other fool housemates were up and he apologised to the HMs one by one for his actions of the night before whereas he had just spent an hour justifying them to us, the viewer. I should add here that Shebaz does not drink; he was 100% sober all the time. Incidentally the housemates thought it was 7am when it was actually 10am. Fools.

Leah : is a hideous looking woman. I am reserving judgement as from time to time she talks sense but she look hideous. She has an 11-year-old son.

Imogen was a Miss Wales once or something. She’s a fag hag to Richard. Lisa likes her. She knows that Sezer likes her but is not into him….yet.

Mikey : dull so far. Thinks he is it but he is not.

Dawn : had the boys doing exercises this morning. I watched and learned too. As long as people listen to her she will be fine but when they stop listening she will kick off. This woman will lose it big time and it will be fun. Shebaz thinks f her as a soul mate but we will have to wait and see. She has a huge arse.

Glynn : yawn. How can he believe that he is attractive? He has good abs but so did I until a year ago (I will again).

Richard : entertaining so far.

Grace : yawn.

Lisa : loud, gobby. Smokes 30 a day. Always has a fag in her mouth. I cannot wait until she has none.

Sezer : the Paul Danon of Big Brother. When Shebaz was talking to BB last night went on and on and on about him. Yaps like a fishwife. Move on boy, it’s boring. Loves to talk too much and thinks he is gorgeous. He has a nice face and a good body but he is a class A twat. I suspect he has given the go a head for ex birds to talk to the Sunday papers about his prowess in bed.

Nicky : vacuous moaner. The Jodie Marsh of the camp. I am going to love laying into her. The type of bird I hate.