The day began with Our Kid dancing manically to Lulu and Shout. Dicky and Dolly hugged to celebrate still being there after Fail Sezer, I stole that from a tabloid, had sadly been evicted. The plastics are still in shock, especially Dimogen. I stole that too. The song was a clue to the day’s task, a shouting task where HMs had to shout a word about themselves. The highest decibel level would win. Hmmm. Do they need to encourage more shouting? Nicki went first and thought it was a trick for them having been loud the night before. She had to recite the alphabet while exaggerating all the sounds and mouth movements. Shark, this is how she always speaks. She chose the word special. Can you guess what Glynn shouted? Yes, Welsh. I missed Pete’s as my bro rang. Booo. Dicky shouted Butch. It was remarkably high pitched for such a manly word.
The HMs had £308 to spend on grub and bought a mystery item at £10. It turned out to be the rest of Glynn’s clothes. He immediately put on an “I’m the Daddy” tee shirt. Apparently Dicky calls him Glen, which infuriates him.
Chantelle thinks that Grace is doing things to piss her off. I think it comes naturally to her. She only talks about herself and never asks anyone else about themselves as she doesn’t really care. Mikey’s upset about Sleazy going. He poured his heart out to Chantelle who told him that she doesn’t miss him. This seemed to make him cry and Grace comforted him by slagging Chantelle off and once again repeated that Chantelle fancies him. Red alert. Danger. This is a bad move.
Sam is still being a bit quiet and says that she’s normally the loud one. She does talk extremely fast though. He wants to have a fanny for 24 hours to try it out, as he’s wary of the tits and chop surgery. She’s more like a tranny to me. She dreams of getting pregnant. Hmmm. I’d like to see how she’d cope with periods. Would she be as mental as our kid who flew off the handle when Dicky told her he would be cooking in a couple of hours when she went to make a sandwich? Grace thinks that this is the first sign of Dicky trying to dominate the house, which is something she obviously wants to do herself. Our Kid’s face started leaking and she had a good cry. The plastics and Mikey gave her hugs. She had a marvellous rant whereby she told us that she hates two-faced people, she’s not false her, she’s got it in for Dicky & Dolly, Sam’s too over friendly and that Chantelle’s getting on her nerves. It’s better out than in. She told Dimogen that she told D&D that they had been two faced and that’s why she nominated them. Oh oh. Then Dimogen told Our Kid that she had been banned from nominating again this week. Can’t they keep their mouths shut?
The plastics and Dolly laid into Sam. Dolly got Glynn involved. Group bitch. Grace is disgusted as Sam said they had lots in common and popped her head around the toilet door when she was having a poo. They are calling her a stalker. Sam eventually got to have a girly chat with Our Kid and Dim and they all talked freely and gave their opinions on other housemates, in particular Dolly. Does she know the girly rules about keeping stum? We’ll see. Our Kid and Dim continued the cat chat once Sam had left and continued to bitch, mainly about Dicky. Our Kid said ‘I’m not plastic anyway”, not realising that she’s not been included in the equation. Anyway, Our Kid and Dim have vowed to look after Sam now. Ah, again.
Dicky led him and Dimogen in a stab at reconciliation. She thinks that everyone got on with Sleazy. Good God. There were daily rows. She’s a little lonely and thinks that Dicky is stopping her from being herself as he’s encouraging her to shine without the black cloud of Sleazy, and it’s intimidating her. When Dicky won the shouting task his prize was dinner and champagne for 2 and he invited Dimogen to get to know her better and reconcile. Aw, more hugs and awwwws. He hopes Sleazy won’t be jealous. Dimogen had previously said that he is possessive. As Dimogen was the quietest HM BB gave her a loud hailer. Grace and Dim had a good old bitch after the dinner and it may as well never have happened. They think the invite is part of his game plan and they think worse of him for having extended an olive branch.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
i can’t wait to have a garden #289
Well, so much for my hopes of a restful weekend. I think that this is only the second sunny weekend this year and instead of the 2 park trips that I thought of as soon as I saw the sun, I was busy re-representing again. I started yesterday with a gentle sweep of the garden during which my Estate Agent rang to tell me there would be a viewing at 1pm. I then spent the next 2 hours finding things to clean and clearing up. A gorgeous Estate Agent turned up but no buyer. Booooo. Still, it was good to talk him through the property and give him all my tips for future presentations. There are huge advantages to living on a hill that you might not think about unless you’ve done it. Being close to Crystal Palace means that you can use a digital box with a paperclip as an aerial and the water pressure from my handheld shower attachment is akin to a power shower. His name is Solomon and Shark would eat him up. Cor.
Downstairs had some people viewing and I seemed to bump into every single one of them whilst tidying the garden. None of them seemed too impressed with the flat, which surprised me no end. I then did my best Bree Van der Camp impression by sinking ½ bottle of red wine during England’s 6-0 trouncing of Jamaica in a World Cup friendly. Fuelled by alcohol when I spotted 2 of the old downstairs tenants park in the driveway I grassed them up immediately by calling Marj the Landlady. I thought that I was free of them forever but no, as she had foolishly said that they could come back and use the garden, in exchange for some gardening. I carefully threw the word ‘squatting’ into the conversation and she immediately changed her mind and asked me to get them to drop off the keys to me. I didn’t mind doing her dirty work one little bit in order to ensure that they did not come back. I suggested to Marj that they do something about the wild pivot hedge in the front garden. This suggestion did not sit well with them and they obviously had no intention of doing anything other than lounge. They are excellent at this. So, I really enjoyed telling them that I’d do it as they were dropping the keys off with me later. A ha ha ha. She wasn’t happy. Marj rang again and I reported the excellent progress that I had made in a very short time, and I, to train for my own garden, offered to cut the front hedge myself.
In exchange for this, and I wasn’t expecting it, but I have the keys to downstairs and can use the garden at anytime. A man from Council turned up next to remove this clapped out rust bucket that’s been in the same position for a year, left by the showers of shits that left, at the same time as more viewers for downstairs. Boy it was manic, but I was then able to get rid of the 2 smelly squatters by asking them to move their car, which speeded everything up nicely. They are out of my life forever. I have the keys!!!!! Anyway I was right, as it did not look good, them sunning themselves in the garden, with viewers around. Once they’d gone I was straight in the shed for the hedge cutters and began work immediately. Suddenly some of the viewers retuned to quiz me about downstairs, and in particular why it’s on the market for more that the same flat next door which doesn’t smell of damp, is decorated and in much better nick. I was as positive as I could be and told them what a nice area it is etc etc. Suddenly, again, Solomon turned up with some viewers for my property. Now I didn’t mind but had been told that a call would always precede a visit. So, being tipsy, in my tiny shorts, with shearers in my hand, I was too overexcited to accompany him and thought it best to leave him to it. I’m not sure how it went, other than the lady saying “your flat’s lovely” as she left. I vow to be less hysterical next time, but I am not going to be too hard on myself as I was very excited about having a go at gardening.
Anyway, I cannot wait to have my own front and back gardens as you meet everyone. During my 3 hours back breaking labour yesterday, 3 people stopped to thank me for cutting the bush as previously pedestrians had to go dangerously close to the kerb just to pass the house. An old friend walked past 3 times and I had a chat with my neighbour. One man stopped to give me a Double Mint chewing gum and lots of people shouted out “you’re doing a great job. It was fab.
I was 50/50 lucky with callers today. The next-door neighbour leant me a great pair of cutters that sliced through branches cleanly and easily. I think it saved my life as before that kind act I was using a rusty saw. A man from over the road popped over to ask if he could take a lot of the foliage for his florist brother. That was brilliant as the Council only pick up 4 bags. He then revealed that he is a gardener and told me what I had to do and cut off a few things that I would never have dreamt of touching. You couldn’t make it up.
However, on the down side, one man scared the life out of me by asking me the time while I was at the top of the ladder cutting a very high piece of pivot. I was very rude to him, as he had nearly caused me to topple. The man opposite popped over, not to help or anything but just top have a nose about the FOR SALE sign. I was pleasant to him.
After another 4 hours work, 5 if you include the cleaning up, I love gardening and cannot wait to have my own.
Downstairs had some people viewing and I seemed to bump into every single one of them whilst tidying the garden. None of them seemed too impressed with the flat, which surprised me no end. I then did my best Bree Van der Camp impression by sinking ½ bottle of red wine during England’s 6-0 trouncing of Jamaica in a World Cup friendly. Fuelled by alcohol when I spotted 2 of the old downstairs tenants park in the driveway I grassed them up immediately by calling Marj the Landlady. I thought that I was free of them forever but no, as she had foolishly said that they could come back and use the garden, in exchange for some gardening. I carefully threw the word ‘squatting’ into the conversation and she immediately changed her mind and asked me to get them to drop off the keys to me. I didn’t mind doing her dirty work one little bit in order to ensure that they did not come back. I suggested to Marj that they do something about the wild pivot hedge in the front garden. This suggestion did not sit well with them and they obviously had no intention of doing anything other than lounge. They are excellent at this. So, I really enjoyed telling them that I’d do it as they were dropping the keys off with me later. A ha ha ha. She wasn’t happy. Marj rang again and I reported the excellent progress that I had made in a very short time, and I, to train for my own garden, offered to cut the front hedge myself.
In exchange for this, and I wasn’t expecting it, but I have the keys to downstairs and can use the garden at anytime. A man from Council turned up next to remove this clapped out rust bucket that’s been in the same position for a year, left by the showers of shits that left, at the same time as more viewers for downstairs. Boy it was manic, but I was then able to get rid of the 2 smelly squatters by asking them to move their car, which speeded everything up nicely. They are out of my life forever. I have the keys!!!!! Anyway I was right, as it did not look good, them sunning themselves in the garden, with viewers around. Once they’d gone I was straight in the shed for the hedge cutters and began work immediately. Suddenly some of the viewers retuned to quiz me about downstairs, and in particular why it’s on the market for more that the same flat next door which doesn’t smell of damp, is decorated and in much better nick. I was as positive as I could be and told them what a nice area it is etc etc. Suddenly, again, Solomon turned up with some viewers for my property. Now I didn’t mind but had been told that a call would always precede a visit. So, being tipsy, in my tiny shorts, with shearers in my hand, I was too overexcited to accompany him and thought it best to leave him to it. I’m not sure how it went, other than the lady saying “your flat’s lovely” as she left. I vow to be less hysterical next time, but I am not going to be too hard on myself as I was very excited about having a go at gardening.
Anyway, I cannot wait to have my own front and back gardens as you meet everyone. During my 3 hours back breaking labour yesterday, 3 people stopped to thank me for cutting the bush as previously pedestrians had to go dangerously close to the kerb just to pass the house. An old friend walked past 3 times and I had a chat with my neighbour. One man stopped to give me a Double Mint chewing gum and lots of people shouted out “you’re doing a great job. It was fab.
I was 50/50 lucky with callers today. The next-door neighbour leant me a great pair of cutters that sliced through branches cleanly and easily. I think it saved my life as before that kind act I was using a rusty saw. A man from over the road popped over to ask if he could take a lot of the foliage for his florist brother. That was brilliant as the Council only pick up 4 bags. He then revealed that he is a gardener and told me what I had to do and cut off a few things that I would never have dreamt of touching. You couldn’t make it up.
However, on the down side, one man scared the life out of me by asking me the time while I was at the top of the ladder cutting a very high piece of pivot. I was very rude to him, as he had nearly caused me to topple. The man opposite popped over, not to help or anything but just top have a nose about the FOR SALE sign. I was pleasant to him.
After another 4 hours work, 5 if you include the cleaning up, I love gardening and cannot wait to have my own.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
big brother : day 16
They awoke to the ominous peels of bells ringing the Death March.
Glyn sings a lot. He doesn’t have the voice of Tom Jones and knows it. Yesterday he sang Aled Jones. Most of his tunes have a Welsh theme, naturally for a raving racist bigot. Is there such a thing as a green green grass of home shirt? Chantelle shook her booty in front of him. Good job he was in a bubble bath at the time. However, her charms have apparently eluded him and he later declared that he no longer fancies her. I think he still fancies Dolly though.
The sun is out and the bikinis are on. Dolly’s melons are hemmed in by a couple of hammocks. Chantelle wears little enough as it is and has been portrayed in The Sun lounging around with no knickers on but her bikinis are by far the most risqué that we have ever seen on BB. They are even worse than the grotesque Orlaith’s. Chantelle wears G-string bikinis and chandelier bikinis that a stripper would be proud of. Of course this sparked a bitch fest with the Plastics and Our Kid declaring that she doesn’t even have a nice bum. It’s not that bad. Grace has found someone new to trash. She seems to have forgotten that only last week her rants were directed at seeing everything that Nicki had to offer via her hot pants and extremely short shorts. Her meat and 2 veg, so to speak. Since Nice But Posh left Grace has become more accepting of Nicki as there is less conflict. Lisa still group hops, like Pete. Our Kid shrilled out loud that Chantelle had been in the bedroom naked, much to the group’s disgust. Grace rolled her eyes to high heaven.
The Grace/Chantelle hostility is down to jealousy again. Leah’s spotted Mikey staring at Chantelle, so perhaps Grace has noticed too. Mikey and Chantelle were playfully wrestling and he ended up on top of her on the couch giggling. Cue Grace storming through the room barking “Mikey come and help me look for my earring”. It was a direct order. He chose to ignore it. I think he fancies Chantelle and is cooling on Grace. She has started being too bossy with him and uses a raised voice a lot. I think he’s tiring of the bitching and wants people to chill and accept each other more. He’s still a dickhead like.
Grace has had it in for Chantelle since her arrival but her flirting and constant near nudity has made it worse. According to Grace, Chantelle’s feet look like a hobbit’s, she’s a slag, a moose, she wants to be black, she thinks she’s a black ghetto hoochy, she’s vain, her hair falls out and the house is full of freaks. She says that Sam is a brown nose. The plastics told Mikey that Chantelle fancies him. Bad move ladies. Grace thinks that herself, Nicki and Imogen will be up for eviction next week. I think she could be right. At the moment I want Grace out next.
The plastics and Our Kid are being vile to Sam, who is delusional. She only sees a slight divide and is ecstatic and feeling positive, she thinks that everyone is wonderful and that there is a great group atmosphere. She feels closest to Chantelle, Nicki and in particular Imogen. The later 2 loathe her. She doesn’t feel close to Grace, although she is amazing, obviously. This woman cannot take a hint. No wonder she wants to have so many girly chats. She ain’t got the hang of it yet. Cut the chop, if you see what I mean.
Leah didn’t want to be evicted, as she is scared of getting stoned. This is because she was booed on the way in, when no one knew her and just saw a blonde with juggernaut tits. Also, previously a young child described her in a task as follows “She looks a bit iffy I don’t really like her. She thinks she’d the best of the best but she’s not.” This mad her cry. Anyone who has had as much surgery as her must have self-esteem issues and hates themselves. Staying in has boosted her morale a little but thankfully not her silicone implants. Pete is thrilled that Dolly is staying and may have a crush on her.
Grace and Imogen assumed that Sleazy would stay and couldn’t decide whom they wanted to leave more, Dicky or Dolly. Dolly correctly guessed that Sleazy would go but there may have been a sliver of wish fulfilment in it. Sleazy was adamant that he would not be evicted. He thought that Dolly should go home to her family and that Dicky is a bully. He was so sure that he would not be out that he didn’t even put on an eviction outfit. Then he said, “what if I do go? I’m going to look like a compete and utter fool”. He then did a rap about how women want to touch his chest. TV gold.
It was only seconds before hearing Davina’s voice for the first time that he suddenly realised that like the lottery it could be him. Re-watching his face when Davina said his name was beautiful. I could watch it on a loop for a month. The plastics went into meltdown. They got their knifes out and said to make sure Davina was set right about Dicky. Chantelle upset them by shouting “yes” and jumping on Dicky. They called her a stupid bitch for laughing, behind her back naturally. The plastics, and Our Kid, cannot believe it and did not see it coming. Even though the boos were eardrum shattering when the doors opened, the word ‘fixed’ was mentioned. Ha ha. 91.6% worth of fixed. This has solidified the divide; Grace declared ”we” are not losing this. The battle lines are drawn and the weapons have been selected. The plastic fantastic weapon of choice: bikinis and make-up every day.
Glyn sings a lot. He doesn’t have the voice of Tom Jones and knows it. Yesterday he sang Aled Jones. Most of his tunes have a Welsh theme, naturally for a raving racist bigot. Is there such a thing as a green green grass of home shirt? Chantelle shook her booty in front of him. Good job he was in a bubble bath at the time. However, her charms have apparently eluded him and he later declared that he no longer fancies her. I think he still fancies Dolly though.
The sun is out and the bikinis are on. Dolly’s melons are hemmed in by a couple of hammocks. Chantelle wears little enough as it is and has been portrayed in The Sun lounging around with no knickers on but her bikinis are by far the most risqué that we have ever seen on BB. They are even worse than the grotesque Orlaith’s. Chantelle wears G-string bikinis and chandelier bikinis that a stripper would be proud of. Of course this sparked a bitch fest with the Plastics and Our Kid declaring that she doesn’t even have a nice bum. It’s not that bad. Grace has found someone new to trash. She seems to have forgotten that only last week her rants were directed at seeing everything that Nicki had to offer via her hot pants and extremely short shorts. Her meat and 2 veg, so to speak. Since Nice But Posh left Grace has become more accepting of Nicki as there is less conflict. Lisa still group hops, like Pete. Our Kid shrilled out loud that Chantelle had been in the bedroom naked, much to the group’s disgust. Grace rolled her eyes to high heaven.
The Grace/Chantelle hostility is down to jealousy again. Leah’s spotted Mikey staring at Chantelle, so perhaps Grace has noticed too. Mikey and Chantelle were playfully wrestling and he ended up on top of her on the couch giggling. Cue Grace storming through the room barking “Mikey come and help me look for my earring”. It was a direct order. He chose to ignore it. I think he fancies Chantelle and is cooling on Grace. She has started being too bossy with him and uses a raised voice a lot. I think he’s tiring of the bitching and wants people to chill and accept each other more. He’s still a dickhead like.
Grace has had it in for Chantelle since her arrival but her flirting and constant near nudity has made it worse. According to Grace, Chantelle’s feet look like a hobbit’s, she’s a slag, a moose, she wants to be black, she thinks she’s a black ghetto hoochy, she’s vain, her hair falls out and the house is full of freaks. She says that Sam is a brown nose. The plastics told Mikey that Chantelle fancies him. Bad move ladies. Grace thinks that herself, Nicki and Imogen will be up for eviction next week. I think she could be right. At the moment I want Grace out next.
The plastics and Our Kid are being vile to Sam, who is delusional. She only sees a slight divide and is ecstatic and feeling positive, she thinks that everyone is wonderful and that there is a great group atmosphere. She feels closest to Chantelle, Nicki and in particular Imogen. The later 2 loathe her. She doesn’t feel close to Grace, although she is amazing, obviously. This woman cannot take a hint. No wonder she wants to have so many girly chats. She ain’t got the hang of it yet. Cut the chop, if you see what I mean.
Leah didn’t want to be evicted, as she is scared of getting stoned. This is because she was booed on the way in, when no one knew her and just saw a blonde with juggernaut tits. Also, previously a young child described her in a task as follows “She looks a bit iffy I don’t really like her. She thinks she’d the best of the best but she’s not.” This mad her cry. Anyone who has had as much surgery as her must have self-esteem issues and hates themselves. Staying in has boosted her morale a little but thankfully not her silicone implants. Pete is thrilled that Dolly is staying and may have a crush on her.
Grace and Imogen assumed that Sleazy would stay and couldn’t decide whom they wanted to leave more, Dicky or Dolly. Dolly correctly guessed that Sleazy would go but there may have been a sliver of wish fulfilment in it. Sleazy was adamant that he would not be evicted. He thought that Dolly should go home to her family and that Dicky is a bully. He was so sure that he would not be out that he didn’t even put on an eviction outfit. Then he said, “what if I do go? I’m going to look like a compete and utter fool”. He then did a rap about how women want to touch his chest. TV gold.
It was only seconds before hearing Davina’s voice for the first time that he suddenly realised that like the lottery it could be him. Re-watching his face when Davina said his name was beautiful. I could watch it on a loop for a month. The plastics went into meltdown. They got their knifes out and said to make sure Davina was set right about Dicky. Chantelle upset them by shouting “yes” and jumping on Dicky. They called her a stupid bitch for laughing, behind her back naturally. The plastics, and Our Kid, cannot believe it and did not see it coming. Even though the boos were eardrum shattering when the doors opened, the word ‘fixed’ was mentioned. Ha ha. 91.6% worth of fixed. This has solidified the divide; Grace declared ”we” are not losing this. The battle lines are drawn and the weapons have been selected. The plastic fantastic weapon of choice: bikinis and make-up every day.
go home to your mammy
OUT OUT OUT BOOOOOO screamed the baying crowd. Sleazy told Mikey to be a man and look after the girls. Imogen had a face on her but it’s hard to tell with her. Very moody. Very dull. Grace said “it’s all good babe” which makes no sense at all to an emasculated man who may never have a stiffy again. There were some screaming birds but what do they matter now? By all accounts it was women who were storming into the bookies in droves to vote him out. He thought that he could play the viewers but forgot that it’s not just the HMs who have learned how to play the game, it’s the viewers, hence us the voters too. He talked through his strategy non-stop with Imogen. Did he forget that we were listening too? He told her, and us, that being part of a couple would help them both stay in the house longer. But being part of vile, bitchy, separatist couple did not help Saskia and Maxwell last year. How quickly he forgot. That’s not to say that Dicky and Dolly are not showing those attributes at times too though.
He thought there would be 3 big evictions and that he’d be one them. He didn’t know what he did wrong at first but Davina helped him to see. He guessed that Dicky, Leah and Pete voted for him. On seeing what they had said about him when nominating, it started dawning on him that his comments on women may have had something to do with being voted out and his total conceit, vainness and nastiness. On being shown some clips he was ashamed of himself.
He said that he will wait for Imogen and be faithful. He said that if she had been voted out he would have walked. But was just acting and it’s all too late.
When asked who was the:
Dullist – he said Sam. He said she’s like Shebaz, creepy
Most annoying – Dicky
Most intelligent – Dicky. In BB tests before they went into the house, Glynn came first and Sleazy second. He didn’t like that.
Who will win - Pete (if he doesn’t get ill!!!!!!!!!!!! What?)
What he learned about himself – that he’s slightly perverted
Davina told him that he got the highest ever vote!!!! Ha ha. Davina told him that he should have listened to his mother when she told him to be nice. Back home to Mammy, for despite his claims of being a stock broker with 3 companies, he lives at home and the companies are all insolvent.
The Kit Kat winner goes into the house live next Friday. It’s not me, honest.
He thought there would be 3 big evictions and that he’d be one them. He didn’t know what he did wrong at first but Davina helped him to see. He guessed that Dicky, Leah and Pete voted for him. On seeing what they had said about him when nominating, it started dawning on him that his comments on women may have had something to do with being voted out and his total conceit, vainness and nastiness. On being shown some clips he was ashamed of himself.
He said that he will wait for Imogen and be faithful. He said that if she had been voted out he would have walked. But was just acting and it’s all too late.
When asked who was the:
Dullist – he said Sam. He said she’s like Shebaz, creepy
Most annoying – Dicky
Most intelligent – Dicky. In BB tests before they went into the house, Glynn came first and Sleazy second. He didn’t like that.
Who will win - Pete (if he doesn’t get ill!!!!!!!!!!!! What?)
What he learned about himself – that he’s slightly perverted
Davina told him that he got the highest ever vote!!!! Ha ha. Davina told him that he should have listened to his mother when she told him to be nice. Back home to Mammy, for despite his claims of being a stock broker with 3 companies, he lives at home and the companies are all insolvent.
The Kit Kat winner goes into the house live next Friday. It’s not me, honest.
Friday, June 02, 2006
big brother : eviction night 2 & day 15
Over the last few days a lot has happened. Nice but Posh left the house as he couldn’t cope with the fame. His last words were “Infamy, infamy, they’ve got it in for me”. Actually that’s a lie. He didn’t get it together with either Grace or Nicki. 2 new housemates entered the house as prizes via the game show task. Prize 1, Sam, a 19-year-old Scottish Lady Boy. Prize 2, Ashleen a Chantelle look-a-likey, but with a gob! Pete backed well away from Our Kid, but not without a big ta do. He foolishly discussed the situation with ‘the others’ and the term Bunny Boiler leaked back to Our Kid, who then kicked off with her best Liam Gallagher impression. She said that she had only been joking. Yes, right. Dicky and Leah have renamed themselves Dicky and Dolly. I which that I’d thought of Dolly first! Dicky has started calling Imogen, Grace and Nicki ‘the plastics’. There is a huge divide in the house with Sleazy, Grace, Imogen and Mikey thinking that they are the crème de la crème. They have tried their best to seclude the new HMs. Chantelle feels like a spare part, the new kid. Glynn is a homophobic, sexist racist who reminds me more and more of Forest Gump. There were a lot of rows. They dressed up like geeks. With Glynn you couldn’t tell. Grace is horrid. Mikey is dull.
Here’s how the nominations went :
Glynn: went for Grace and Richard.
Grace: chose Lea and Richard.
Imogen: was disqualified from nominations this week following
discussions about the other housemates.
Lea: wanted Sezer and Lisa to face the public vote.
Lisa: revealed that Lea and Richard was on her eviction wish
list.
Mikey: confessed that he wanted Richard and Lisa to leave the
House.
Nikki: told Big Brother that Lea and Grace needed the swift
exit.
Pete: felt that he could do life without Imogen and Sezer next
week.
Richard: chose Imogen and Sezer for the public vote.
Sezer: was disqualified from nominations this week following
discussions about the other housemates
And here we are on eviction night again……come on! We have the power. I spent £1 on Sleazy and persuaded people who had never voted before to text in for him very easily.
The morning after another row. Dicky woke up crest-fallen. They had only got to sleep at 4.45am and are all tired. Dicky thinks words were put into his mouth and that he was backed into a corner, isolated and that no one stuck up for him. Apart from Pete, of course. He says he didn’t call Imogen a bitch, he just called her boring and plastic, to her face, in front of everyone and the nation. Leah is upset with Nicki as she has worked out that she nominated her. Her tits are ridiculous. Leah says she tried to stick up for Dicky but couldn’t get a word in edgeways. They are both disappointed in their child Nicki. Dicky feels beaten up and bullied. Nicki confronted the situation with Mom and Pops and reminded Leah that BB is a game. Leah brushed her to one side and said there would be an atmosphere all day. Nicki went to see BB. She thinks that Pete is being off with her. She thinks that Pete is wedged up Leah’s bum and in awe of her. She doesn’t know why Leah is upset when it’s a game show and they all have to nominate. Let’s see what happens when she’s nominated for eviction. Dicky made his peace with Sleazy later and offered to look after Imogen if Sleazy leaves.
BB asked Sleazy how he felt on potentially his last night in the house. He called Dicky heartless and cruel and thinks that Dicky will leave. He doesn’t want to leave. He would miss Imogen the most as he’s grown attached to her. He wants to be remembered as Sezer the Sleazer. Deal. The thing he’s enjoyed the most is seeing women walking around half naked. Chantelle called Imogen Sleazy’s girlfriend. “She’s not my girlfriend”. I think he may fancy her. He said that Imogen is a bit of fun, a bit of affection. Boooo. Get him out.
Our Kid is hanging about with the plastics a lot. She wears shorts all the time. However every single pair looks like a nappy. Grace, Imogen and Our Kid had a bitch about Sam. They imitated her saying everything is “amazing” and somehow Sam became Trans Atlantic and no longer Scottish.
Imogen is in trouble again for telling the others in the middle of the row that she wasn’t allowed to nominate this week and wasn’t going to f**ing nominate you anyway to Dicky. She is banned from nominating next week too. Hurrah. Can she keep her mouth shut this time? Noooo, minutes later she told Sleazy. He called her Ims. Yuck.
SEZER IS OUT. A RECORD 91.6% OF VOTES. HE LOOKED SHOCKED. I DON'T THINK HE WILL EVER GET A HARD ON AGAIN. LEAH CRIED A LOT.
Here’s how the nominations went :
Glynn: went for Grace and Richard.
Grace: chose Lea and Richard.
Imogen: was disqualified from nominations this week following
discussions about the other housemates.
Lea: wanted Sezer and Lisa to face the public vote.
Lisa: revealed that Lea and Richard was on her eviction wish
list.
Mikey: confessed that he wanted Richard and Lisa to leave the
House.
Nikki: told Big Brother that Lea and Grace needed the swift
exit.
Pete: felt that he could do life without Imogen and Sezer next
week.
Richard: chose Imogen and Sezer for the public vote.
Sezer: was disqualified from nominations this week following
discussions about the other housemates
And here we are on eviction night again……come on! We have the power. I spent £1 on Sleazy and persuaded people who had never voted before to text in for him very easily.
The morning after another row. Dicky woke up crest-fallen. They had only got to sleep at 4.45am and are all tired. Dicky thinks words were put into his mouth and that he was backed into a corner, isolated and that no one stuck up for him. Apart from Pete, of course. He says he didn’t call Imogen a bitch, he just called her boring and plastic, to her face, in front of everyone and the nation. Leah is upset with Nicki as she has worked out that she nominated her. Her tits are ridiculous. Leah says she tried to stick up for Dicky but couldn’t get a word in edgeways. They are both disappointed in their child Nicki. Dicky feels beaten up and bullied. Nicki confronted the situation with Mom and Pops and reminded Leah that BB is a game. Leah brushed her to one side and said there would be an atmosphere all day. Nicki went to see BB. She thinks that Pete is being off with her. She thinks that Pete is wedged up Leah’s bum and in awe of her. She doesn’t know why Leah is upset when it’s a game show and they all have to nominate. Let’s see what happens when she’s nominated for eviction. Dicky made his peace with Sleazy later and offered to look after Imogen if Sleazy leaves.
BB asked Sleazy how he felt on potentially his last night in the house. He called Dicky heartless and cruel and thinks that Dicky will leave. He doesn’t want to leave. He would miss Imogen the most as he’s grown attached to her. He wants to be remembered as Sezer the Sleazer. Deal. The thing he’s enjoyed the most is seeing women walking around half naked. Chantelle called Imogen Sleazy’s girlfriend. “She’s not my girlfriend”. I think he may fancy her. He said that Imogen is a bit of fun, a bit of affection. Boooo. Get him out.
Our Kid is hanging about with the plastics a lot. She wears shorts all the time. However every single pair looks like a nappy. Grace, Imogen and Our Kid had a bitch about Sam. They imitated her saying everything is “amazing” and somehow Sam became Trans Atlantic and no longer Scottish.
Imogen is in trouble again for telling the others in the middle of the row that she wasn’t allowed to nominate this week and wasn’t going to f**ing nominate you anyway to Dicky. She is banned from nominating next week too. Hurrah. Can she keep her mouth shut this time? Noooo, minutes later she told Sleazy. He called her Ims. Yuck.
SEZER IS OUT. A RECORD 91.6% OF VOTES. HE LOOKED SHOCKED. I DON'T THINK HE WILL EVER GET A HARD ON AGAIN. LEAH CRIED A LOT.
big brother : day 10 (old news)
George allowed Bunny Boiler, sorry Bunny Girl Nicki to sleep in his bed last night. Grace thinks he’s giving her mixed signals. Pot and kettle. However, it seems that he did in fact tell her to her face that he doesn’t fancy her. She thinks that George doesn’t like her as she’s not posh and hasn’t been to public school. Lisa hasn’t jumped Pete as she thinks that he is shy. Leah and Dicky think Pete wants Lisa as a friend. Lisa is possessive of the others jumping on his bed and he in theirs. He hates jealousy by all accounts and thinks she’s clingy. Pete confided to BB that Lisa fancies him. Ah. He doesn’t know what to do and is a bit scared. She has a gob on her you see. He went to bed after she was asleep. Cunning. He jumped into Leah’s bed and she went to get him and dragged him to their bed. On no, he talked to Sleazy and George about it. Bad move.
Sleazy and Imogen slept in their own beds last night, that’s separately folks. It’s killing Sleazy who hasn’t had sex for an outrageous 3 weeks. He thinks he’s charming and sexy. He’s used to getting his own way. According to the Sunday tabloids if he doesn’t get his way he turns into a pest who uses Photo Shop, makes up fake web-sites and makes numerous late night nuisance phone calls to those who do not succumb to his prowess. She said she’d never met anyone like him before. Quite. He thinks she loves him. Loves. I hope that she wakes up and smells the leeks soon as he is a scumbag. Grace and Mikey got steamy in the shower, if you know what I mean.
They are talked for a bit about the Royal family. Leah thinks the country would be shit without the monarchy. George stuck up for them and said that he has met the Queen. Mikey says he’s met Prince Charles. Pah, he’s been to his pub more like. Glynn wants a Welsh man to be the Prince of Wales. What are the Welsh like? Which one is Prince Charles? he said.
Grace said that she would not glamour model for Nuts, but would for a ‘classy’ mag like Maxim or FHM. Nicki said she’d done Nuts, but wouldn’t do topless (ahem I’ve seen the News of the World and challenge that) and then got upset and said she’d been belittled in front of the boys. Grace asked Nicki if she had upset her and apologised if she had offended her. It looks sorted but it ain’t. Nicki insists Grace said I wouldn’t “lower” myself. Dicky wants a page 2 fella. The gang spent a fair time bitching about Nicki after ‘the settlement’. They discussed it later. Nicki is paranoid about the public’s opinion of her. Thank God they don’t get the papers in there. Endless topless shots of Nicki. Dear dear.
Grace sees Nicki and Leah as a Mother / daughter outfit with Dicky as Daddy. Grace sees through the little girl act. Grace feels like she is baby-sitting and I think she will hit her soon.
Sleazy and Imogen slept in their own beds last night, that’s separately folks. It’s killing Sleazy who hasn’t had sex for an outrageous 3 weeks. He thinks he’s charming and sexy. He’s used to getting his own way. According to the Sunday tabloids if he doesn’t get his way he turns into a pest who uses Photo Shop, makes up fake web-sites and makes numerous late night nuisance phone calls to those who do not succumb to his prowess. She said she’d never met anyone like him before. Quite. He thinks she loves him. Loves. I hope that she wakes up and smells the leeks soon as he is a scumbag. Grace and Mikey got steamy in the shower, if you know what I mean.
They are talked for a bit about the Royal family. Leah thinks the country would be shit without the monarchy. George stuck up for them and said that he has met the Queen. Mikey says he’s met Prince Charles. Pah, he’s been to his pub more like. Glynn wants a Welsh man to be the Prince of Wales. What are the Welsh like? Which one is Prince Charles? he said.
Grace said that she would not glamour model for Nuts, but would for a ‘classy’ mag like Maxim or FHM. Nicki said she’d done Nuts, but wouldn’t do topless (ahem I’ve seen the News of the World and challenge that) and then got upset and said she’d been belittled in front of the boys. Grace asked Nicki if she had upset her and apologised if she had offended her. It looks sorted but it ain’t. Nicki insists Grace said I wouldn’t “lower” myself. Dicky wants a page 2 fella. The gang spent a fair time bitching about Nicki after ‘the settlement’. They discussed it later. Nicki is paranoid about the public’s opinion of her. Thank God they don’t get the papers in there. Endless topless shots of Nicki. Dear dear.
Grace sees Nicki and Leah as a Mother / daughter outfit with Dicky as Daddy. Grace sees through the little girl act. Grace feels like she is baby-sitting and I think she will hit her soon.
text SEZER to 84444
Catch up to follow tomorrow, in the meantime I’m putting my money on Sleazy to go.
And sign up @ http://groups.myspace.com/sezergetoutofthebbhouse
And sign up @ http://groups.myspace.com/sezergetoutofthebbhouse
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
take a break
Sorry to all you TV addicts who thrive on my voyeuristic streak and love of character annihilation of sick freaks. I have been busy re-representing. The keys are now with the Estate Agent and I will update at the weekend.
Rest assured that I have been watching and have much to say…….
The WB is threatening to start buying Kitkats to get me into the house to sort out the youngsters. Says the nation will love me ha. Bless, the Sunday papers would kill my Mother though.
Rest assured that I have been watching and have much to say…….
The WB is threatening to start buying Kitkats to get me into the house to sort out the youngsters. Says the nation will love me ha. Bless, the Sunday papers would kill my Mother though.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
big brother : day 9
Nicki is moaning again. She feels locked up and like a cooped up chicken. She says that she can’t take much more. She wishes that SHE was up for eviction. She wants to go clubbing. She’s used to her freedom. It’s all about her. Then she started bawling like Violet Elizabeth. Pete had some patience with her but Sleazy told Imogen that Nicki is starting to grate on people because of her moaning. He’s started grooming people for the nomination process. He has George on side already and I think he will nominate Nicki. I can’t wait for the nominations to begin.
Grace says she gets on with Mikey, Imogen, Sleazy and George. A clique if forming here that excludes Nicki. The others are happy to be floaters. This grouping is Grace and Sleazy’s doing. Sleazy thinks that couples last longer in the house and Grace wants Nicki away from George. Grace wanted to sleep alone last night and says that Mikey keeps jumping into her bed. She doesn’t want things to get too routine and is not tied down. She said that despite any rumours, George does not fancy Nicki OK! She’s checked with the man himself and agreed to be his snuggle partner. I think that’s a euphemism for prick tease or wanting the opportunity to change one’s mind about one’s man in the near future. George admitted that he saw potential in Nicki at first but has gone off her as she’s boring, moans all the time and only cares about her appearance. Whereas Grace listens and cares. Sweet.
Nicki came over all Jodie Marsh and bemoaned the lack of fit men in the house. She wants a pretty boy in there. She says that she’s given up on George. He’s been off with her since she fell asleep as he told her a story. Nicki slagged off Grace saying that she is tripleted off and that she wants all the men. It’s because George fancies Grace. Nicki feels silly for having said that she liked George previously and for the unrequited effort that she has put in. Later Nicki found Grace, George and Lisa in the bath together (yes there’s a bath) and said it looked cosy. She ran straight to Mikey to grass and told him to get Grace out of the bath. Mikey told her to chill out. Pete asked if George had a semi. Nicki can see that Grace is preparing to dump Mikey. She knows the man / woman game as she plays it outside of the house all the time.
None of this stopped her from jumping in George’s bed later that night though. She told him that she likes cuddles but he did not give her one. She then said that she thought that he liked Grace. He gave a non-committal response. She added that she won’t be sloppy seconds to Grace. He had made NO sign of a move on her during this speech. Run man. Run for your life.
Grace says she gets on with Mikey, Imogen, Sleazy and George. A clique if forming here that excludes Nicki. The others are happy to be floaters. This grouping is Grace and Sleazy’s doing. Sleazy thinks that couples last longer in the house and Grace wants Nicki away from George. Grace wanted to sleep alone last night and says that Mikey keeps jumping into her bed. She doesn’t want things to get too routine and is not tied down. She said that despite any rumours, George does not fancy Nicki OK! She’s checked with the man himself and agreed to be his snuggle partner. I think that’s a euphemism for prick tease or wanting the opportunity to change one’s mind about one’s man in the near future. George admitted that he saw potential in Nicki at first but has gone off her as she’s boring, moans all the time and only cares about her appearance. Whereas Grace listens and cares. Sweet.
Nicki came over all Jodie Marsh and bemoaned the lack of fit men in the house. She wants a pretty boy in there. She says that she’s given up on George. He’s been off with her since she fell asleep as he told her a story. Nicki slagged off Grace saying that she is tripleted off and that she wants all the men. It’s because George fancies Grace. Nicki feels silly for having said that she liked George previously and for the unrequited effort that she has put in. Later Nicki found Grace, George and Lisa in the bath together (yes there’s a bath) and said it looked cosy. She ran straight to Mikey to grass and told him to get Grace out of the bath. Mikey told her to chill out. Pete asked if George had a semi. Nicki can see that Grace is preparing to dump Mikey. She knows the man / woman game as she plays it outside of the house all the time.
None of this stopped her from jumping in George’s bed later that night though. She told him that she likes cuddles but he did not give her one. She then said that she thought that he liked Grace. He gave a non-committal response. She added that she won’t be sloppy seconds to Grace. He had made NO sign of a move on her during this speech. Run man. Run for your life.
Friday, May 26, 2006
trailer
For future presentation.
The BBhood is over, disbanded, gone. Get over it.
Even the hats have gone.
Check here on Monday to see how BB is going to deal with the 2 extra missing people situation. Luckily for you I have Monday off from work. Plus it's Diary Room Uncut day.
GASP.
The BBhood is over, disbanded, gone. Get over it.
Even the hats have gone.
Check here on Monday to see how BB is going to deal with the 2 extra missing people situation. Luckily for you I have Monday off from work. Plus it's Diary Room Uncut day.
GASP.
big brother : eviction 1 (?)
Reinforcing what MM had called the show, a ‘pantomime’, Davina encouraged the baying crowd to boo the “cheat”. At the moment that MM was evicted she must have thought that she was Bono as all she could say was “shut up, shut up” over and over again. I half expected her to say “whatever”. The eviction must have gone badly as Davina said “MM if you are watching shut up”.
The baying crowd booed Bono whenever her name was mentioned and cheered Baywatch Glynn.
Back to yesterday’s highlights…….Pete has some buts over Lisa. “It’s only been a week. It takes me ages”. He has to be careful. Come and find me Pete, I’m the same. Pete thinks that Lisa is a bit possessive. He doesn’t want to be tied down, unless he’s in an S&M basement in Brighton. Nicki and Leah think that Grace actually fancies George and not the scally she is currently paired up with. Poor George fancies Grace and has a broken heart. Ahhhhhhh. All together now. Ahhhhhhhhh. Plus he split up with a bird to come onto the show and is by all accounts upset about it. He didn’t think it was fair to stay together as he was going onto BB but he wasn’t fair enough to actually tell her the truth about the reason for the split.
There was a boozy party last night and all the couples dirty danced, especially Pete and Our Kid. Leah gave Glyn a dirty dance and he got a boner! Maybe his first ever. It only lasted seconds however. Poor Perry. George felt left out and went to bed early. All the girls wanted to comfort him. Nicki wanted to go first but Grace insisted that she went first. Leah was next, and she kept the petulant Nicki at bay. Cue a strop. Leah got as close to George as Glynn’s bargepole. That’s very close folks. He did not like being comforted by either of them and told Grace when she jumped into bed with him to comfort him some more. Seems she is not exclusive to Mikey. Ar eh. She kissed Mikey goodnight and then went to her side of the bed. I smell a break up and right now she is sat with George.
Bono and Glynn were given the chance to win the contents of their suitcase, not the suitcase, the contents in a Generation Game type 3 minute memory quiz. Time flew….
Bono “hoodie, leopard print, pink, fluffy, pink”.
Glynn ““Crymn tee-shirt, Welsh rugby shirt, socks, a hat, pants, a belt”
Bono got her clothes back but no sign of the promised personality.
Anyway Bono is out and goodness knows how on earth are they going to make up her best bits. W H A T E V E R.
The baying crowd booed Bono whenever her name was mentioned and cheered Baywatch Glynn.
Back to yesterday’s highlights…….Pete has some buts over Lisa. “It’s only been a week. It takes me ages”. He has to be careful. Come and find me Pete, I’m the same. Pete thinks that Lisa is a bit possessive. He doesn’t want to be tied down, unless he’s in an S&M basement in Brighton. Nicki and Leah think that Grace actually fancies George and not the scally she is currently paired up with. Poor George fancies Grace and has a broken heart. Ahhhhhhh. All together now. Ahhhhhhhhh. Plus he split up with a bird to come onto the show and is by all accounts upset about it. He didn’t think it was fair to stay together as he was going onto BB but he wasn’t fair enough to actually tell her the truth about the reason for the split.
There was a boozy party last night and all the couples dirty danced, especially Pete and Our Kid. Leah gave Glyn a dirty dance and he got a boner! Maybe his first ever. It only lasted seconds however. Poor Perry. George felt left out and went to bed early. All the girls wanted to comfort him. Nicki wanted to go first but Grace insisted that she went first. Leah was next, and she kept the petulant Nicki at bay. Cue a strop. Leah got as close to George as Glynn’s bargepole. That’s very close folks. He did not like being comforted by either of them and told Grace when she jumped into bed with him to comfort him some more. Seems she is not exclusive to Mikey. Ar eh. She kissed Mikey goodnight and then went to her side of the bed. I smell a break up and right now she is sat with George.
Bono and Glynn were given the chance to win the contents of their suitcase, not the suitcase, the contents in a Generation Game type 3 minute memory quiz. Time flew….
Bono “hoodie, leopard print, pink, fluffy, pink”.
Glynn ““Crymn tee-shirt, Welsh rugby shirt, socks, a hat, pants, a belt”
Bono got her clothes back but no sign of the promised personality.
Anyway Bono is out and goodness knows how on earth are they going to make up her best bits. W H A T E V E R.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
play school : day 7
It seems that Glynn has been badly edited as the HMs all love him and think that he will be there until the end. Entertaining apparently. Tricky Dicky took the clippers to him to make a man of him and the ladies lurve his new hair do. Glynn gave the clippings to BB, for e-bay I presume. He says that he is celebrity now, although he wants to go back to a normal life in the Valleys when the show ends. At least that’s what I think he said. I still cannot penetrate his thick accent. Glynn reminds me of my old pal Ray (Perry). Bless.
Sleazy, Mikey and George had a lad’s chat about hard ons while Imogen, Lisa and Imogen had a girly chat. Imogen cooed on about Sleazy kissing the back of her head. Nicki, although an awful Violent Elizabeth, talks sense from time to time. She knows that George doesn’t really want her, and that he wants any woman. Imogen is trying to convince her otherwise. It didn’t stop Nicki sitting on his lap all evening though. Lisa said that she could sleep with Pete for his personality. Ahem not his 11-inch cock then! Leah, the tart with a heart, asked Pete if he fancies Lisa and he said he did but didn’t want to ruin things. He then spent the rest of the day stroking all the other women and making a bosom for a pillow of Leah’s chest. Lisa admitted that she would snog Pete. I’m not convinced Pete wants to be tied down. We’ll see.
Finally we know what’s up with Bono. She still refuses to suck up to anyone in order to get her suitcase but is most upset that BB has taken away her eyeliners and lip sticks. She says that’s her way to display her personality. A ha ha ha ha. I think she’ll need 2 gallons of snake bike for that. I don’t like many of them in there now after their Lord of the Flies performance with Jodie but I want her out of there. I don’t want to have to see her big belly again. Put it away. I wish Sleazy would get a pair of trousers that fit him too. What is it with these young boys and showing their pants and half their arses?
The time came for the BBhood to select their 2 new members in front of the house. They chose Nicki and Imogen and so Bonnie, MM and Glynn know they are up for eviction. MM then announced that she was going to leave, as she did not want to be evicted in her smelly clothes. She first threatened to walk when she found out that she would probably not get her suitcase back. What no clean knickers? She refused to be humiliated and called the show a pantomime. The only reason we didn’t ever hear people saying “behind you” is cos everyone knew already, they could smell her. MM went into the DR and told BB that she wanted to leave. BB told her that her sister is ill. She then came out and told the group that she had received a coded message. She had devised a plan with her family and friends and if there were any bad press about her, she would receive a secret message 'your sister is ill'. What a big mouth.
Her admitting to a code led to the rest of the group bad mouthing her and all agreeing that she was conniving, clever and not to be trusted. Of course now BB could officially evict her and did. BB says that she has been evicted but MM fiercely contests this and says that she left the House! Either way, she’s gone and they are 2 men down before the first official eviction.
Sleazy, Mikey and George had a lad’s chat about hard ons while Imogen, Lisa and Imogen had a girly chat. Imogen cooed on about Sleazy kissing the back of her head. Nicki, although an awful Violent Elizabeth, talks sense from time to time. She knows that George doesn’t really want her, and that he wants any woman. Imogen is trying to convince her otherwise. It didn’t stop Nicki sitting on his lap all evening though. Lisa said that she could sleep with Pete for his personality. Ahem not his 11-inch cock then! Leah, the tart with a heart, asked Pete if he fancies Lisa and he said he did but didn’t want to ruin things. He then spent the rest of the day stroking all the other women and making a bosom for a pillow of Leah’s chest. Lisa admitted that she would snog Pete. I’m not convinced Pete wants to be tied down. We’ll see.
Finally we know what’s up with Bono. She still refuses to suck up to anyone in order to get her suitcase but is most upset that BB has taken away her eyeliners and lip sticks. She says that’s her way to display her personality. A ha ha ha ha. I think she’ll need 2 gallons of snake bike for that. I don’t like many of them in there now after their Lord of the Flies performance with Jodie but I want her out of there. I don’t want to have to see her big belly again. Put it away. I wish Sleazy would get a pair of trousers that fit him too. What is it with these young boys and showing their pants and half their arses?
The time came for the BBhood to select their 2 new members in front of the house. They chose Nicki and Imogen and so Bonnie, MM and Glynn know they are up for eviction. MM then announced that she was going to leave, as she did not want to be evicted in her smelly clothes. She first threatened to walk when she found out that she would probably not get her suitcase back. What no clean knickers? She refused to be humiliated and called the show a pantomime. The only reason we didn’t ever hear people saying “behind you” is cos everyone knew already, they could smell her. MM went into the DR and told BB that she wanted to leave. BB told her that her sister is ill. She then came out and told the group that she had received a coded message. She had devised a plan with her family and friends and if there were any bad press about her, she would receive a secret message 'your sister is ill'. What a big mouth.
Her admitting to a code led to the rest of the group bad mouthing her and all agreeing that she was conniving, clever and not to be trusted. Of course now BB could officially evict her and did. BB says that she has been evicted but MM fiercely contests this and says that she left the House! Either way, she’s gone and they are 2 men down before the first official eviction.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
big brother : day 6
Another day of Jodie baiting with Sezer picking on him from the moment that he woke up. The rows continued in the kitchen. The kiss has obviously got Sleazy’s testosterone turned up to 11 and he told Jodie that he would not allow him to hurt anyone in the house again. Alpha male. To enforce his bullying tactics he threw away the cereal that Jodie had momentarily put down. Very clever. Sleazy had been constantly baiting Jodie about being immature and then he did this. Jodie made another bowl and had a pop at Sleazy who was vile to him again. “You try that again and I’ll…”. The petulant Sleazy saw this as a threat to his masculinity, and immediately threw the new bowl of cereal away. This happened once more before Smoking Woman flew at Jodie in a rage for wasting food. BB rightly called her into the DR to calm her down. Leah laid into Jodie too calling him a sleaze. They all left Jodie alone in the kitchen area. He followed them and they all groaned and left that room, all apart from George, as he’s an individual. Pete was not there at the time. Jodie followed them again and this time they did not move but instead all took the time to pick a fight with him. Leah flew at him and was called into BB too. Even MM had a pop and Bono finally found her voice and had a row to a round of applause from MM. Sezer locked him out in the garden and they all laughed. When he got in the pool they, led by Sleazy and George, ran out and took his clothes. Oh how funny.
What a bunch of horrors. They have all been vile! Vile! They should all be ashamed of themselves. Sleazy in particular has showed his true colours. I would have left too but not before punching every single one of them in the face, pissing in their beds and pouring all the booze, fags and food into the pool.
VOTE SLEAZY OUT. Jodie and Sezer hate each other but at least Jodie got to call him before he left. He told the nation that Sleazy is a sexist chauvinist prick. Hurrah. Alas he’s not up for eviction as the clique group building has begun and the prettiest and fittest have been selected, leaving Miss Motivator, Glynn and Bono up for eviction on Friday. It’s a tough one to call. It wasn’t just Jodie who misled BB with his pre-show interview, MM did too. She claimed to be tough, no nonsense and a loner. It’s just not happened. Instead she’s a smelly old crybaby. Glynn is duller than dishwater but you know what the Welsh are like. They’d vote to keep in a bunch of leeks. Bono is surly, boring and dull. I suspect that she’d be a lot of fun if your idea of fun is getting your tits out and drinking cider until you are unconscious but she’s not had a chance to do this yet. The young straight fellas on the show this year, apart from Pete who I currently want to win, only care about pulling the ‘classiest’ bird. They think that they are the height of sophistication and a far cry from the likes of that knob that pulled Saskia last year. So, Bono doesn’t stand a chance of pulling, unless someone gets paralytic. But I think that Bono will go. She is dull dull dull. I think she knows she’s off soon.
The group were told that Jodie had left and that there was now a vacant place in the BBhood. Mikey filled the position by going into the DR first. His first duty was to chose a new member. He chose George, or Nice But Dim, as I think of him now. The BBhood had to pick 3 new members and BB then stuck the knife in again by saying that the people who do not get to join the BBhood after the vote will NOT GET THEIR SUITCASE FOR THE DURATION OF THE SHOW.
All that plus another kiss yesterday. Well nearly, Sezer lunged in for seconds with Imogen but she backed off. Ha ha, I hope that Jodie was watching. Mikey succeeded where Sleazy failed and got his gal, Grace. These people so shallow.
Good luck Jodie, wish him luck as you wave him goodbye. He had to go.
What a bunch of horrors. They have all been vile! Vile! They should all be ashamed of themselves. Sleazy in particular has showed his true colours. I would have left too but not before punching every single one of them in the face, pissing in their beds and pouring all the booze, fags and food into the pool.
VOTE SLEAZY OUT. Jodie and Sezer hate each other but at least Jodie got to call him before he left. He told the nation that Sleazy is a sexist chauvinist prick. Hurrah. Alas he’s not up for eviction as the clique group building has begun and the prettiest and fittest have been selected, leaving Miss Motivator, Glynn and Bono up for eviction on Friday. It’s a tough one to call. It wasn’t just Jodie who misled BB with his pre-show interview, MM did too. She claimed to be tough, no nonsense and a loner. It’s just not happened. Instead she’s a smelly old crybaby. Glynn is duller than dishwater but you know what the Welsh are like. They’d vote to keep in a bunch of leeks. Bono is surly, boring and dull. I suspect that she’d be a lot of fun if your idea of fun is getting your tits out and drinking cider until you are unconscious but she’s not had a chance to do this yet. The young straight fellas on the show this year, apart from Pete who I currently want to win, only care about pulling the ‘classiest’ bird. They think that they are the height of sophistication and a far cry from the likes of that knob that pulled Saskia last year. So, Bono doesn’t stand a chance of pulling, unless someone gets paralytic. But I think that Bono will go. She is dull dull dull. I think she knows she’s off soon.
The group were told that Jodie had left and that there was now a vacant place in the BBhood. Mikey filled the position by going into the DR first. His first duty was to chose a new member. He chose George, or Nice But Dim, as I think of him now. The BBhood had to pick 3 new members and BB then stuck the knife in again by saying that the people who do not get to join the BBhood after the vote will NOT GET THEIR SUITCASE FOR THE DURATION OF THE SHOW.
All that plus another kiss yesterday. Well nearly, Sezer lunged in for seconds with Imogen but she backed off. Ha ha, I hope that Jodie was watching. Mikey succeeded where Sleazy failed and got his gal, Grace. These people so shallow.
Good luck Jodie, wish him luck as you wave him goodbye. He had to go.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
big brother : day 5 : the first bb kiss
in one : Sleazy + Imogen
in two : Mikey & Grace
in three : Our Kid & Pete
Who will be first?
Dawn is still without her suitcase, she still smells and it’s spreading as she’s stinking out all the clothes that are lent to her. She sat on a top that Grace had lent to Nicki. Nicki wasn’t happy and thinks that Grace isn’t really happy about lending her clothes. I think she’s right there. Nicki wants to say something but the others won’t let her. She cares you know. She went into see BB in tears about Pete saying “I’m such a feeling person that if someone is afflicted by something I feel it”. She wants to look after him. Great as that role is now vacant as NEWSFLASH Shebaz has left the house.
It all comes back to the missing food. The HMs, at first, assumed that BB had taken their food as some sort of punishment. Jodie listened to the growing commotion coming from the kitchen from the safety of his bed in Coventry, as that’s where they had all sent him. Lisa asked BB if they taken the food. It was such a bizarre act that they did not even suspect Jodie until they found it all in the bin in the garden. Leah tried to give him a pep talk, he mimed and she spoke to him like a 5 year old or a puppy dog, “you be a good boy today” (possibly a line out of her porn film?) and refused to accept that Jodie had hidden the food. But it didn’t take Jodie long to blurt out that he had done it. His strange defence was “don’t fight the hand that feeds you.” With that he considered himself back from Coventry and began to speak again. Blah blah blah. Our Kid put him straight and reminded him that he had not done don’t a bloody thing to help out. Another HMs V Jodie argument erupted. Afterwards Pete gave Jodie a pep talk with both parties speaking this time. It seems Pete accepts that Jodie is playing a role and genuinely understands him. I suppose he has experience of role play from his S&M clubs. In the midst of this Pete found time to call Jodie a letch. He really is. And right in your face. He needs Pete. Bono said that she doesn’t find Jodie that offensive but that’s the event of the fan club, with Leah trying once more later with another pep talk but no one got anywhere.
Suddenly out of nowhere Jodie confessed to having messed the shopping list up on purpose. He realised when the essential fresh mint and basil had not turned up. Bizarrely this led to him being embarrassed about having hidden the food, led to an apology and led to him packing his things to leave again. There’s not a lot of sense in it. I can just see tomorrow’s headlines “What ever happened to Baby Shaz?”. I hope the public are kind to him and that he doesn’t do anything stupid. Still, it will be interesting to see how the house dynamic changes now.
in two : Mikey & Grace
in three : Our Kid & Pete
Who will be first?
Dawn is still without her suitcase, she still smells and it’s spreading as she’s stinking out all the clothes that are lent to her. She sat on a top that Grace had lent to Nicki. Nicki wasn’t happy and thinks that Grace isn’t really happy about lending her clothes. I think she’s right there. Nicki wants to say something but the others won’t let her. She cares you know. She went into see BB in tears about Pete saying “I’m such a feeling person that if someone is afflicted by something I feel it”. She wants to look after him. Great as that role is now vacant as NEWSFLASH Shebaz has left the house.
It all comes back to the missing food. The HMs, at first, assumed that BB had taken their food as some sort of punishment. Jodie listened to the growing commotion coming from the kitchen from the safety of his bed in Coventry, as that’s where they had all sent him. Lisa asked BB if they taken the food. It was such a bizarre act that they did not even suspect Jodie until they found it all in the bin in the garden. Leah tried to give him a pep talk, he mimed and she spoke to him like a 5 year old or a puppy dog, “you be a good boy today” (possibly a line out of her porn film?) and refused to accept that Jodie had hidden the food. But it didn’t take Jodie long to blurt out that he had done it. His strange defence was “don’t fight the hand that feeds you.” With that he considered himself back from Coventry and began to speak again. Blah blah blah. Our Kid put him straight and reminded him that he had not done don’t a bloody thing to help out. Another HMs V Jodie argument erupted. Afterwards Pete gave Jodie a pep talk with both parties speaking this time. It seems Pete accepts that Jodie is playing a role and genuinely understands him. I suppose he has experience of role play from his S&M clubs. In the midst of this Pete found time to call Jodie a letch. He really is. And right in your face. He needs Pete. Bono said that she doesn’t find Jodie that offensive but that’s the event of the fan club, with Leah trying once more later with another pep talk but no one got anywhere.
Suddenly out of nowhere Jodie confessed to having messed the shopping list up on purpose. He realised when the essential fresh mint and basil had not turned up. Bizarrely this led to him being embarrassed about having hidden the food, led to an apology and led to him packing his things to leave again. There’s not a lot of sense in it. I can just see tomorrow’s headlines “What ever happened to Baby Shaz?”. I hope the public are kind to him and that he doesn’t do anything stupid. Still, it will be interesting to see how the house dynamic changes now.
Monday, May 22, 2006
big brother : day 4
Shebaz will henceforth be known as Jodie Marsh, Sezer as Sleazy and Lisa as Our Kid or Smoking Lady, Dawn as Miss Motivator
Grace dressed Sleazy in drag. He looked really good. Richard simulated sex with him. Sexual terrorist, self-titled. Sleazy snuggled up to Imogen and nearly got a kiss before she backed out. Nicki says he doesn’t fancy any of the men but gave BB her low-down on possible hot love action…..She thinks that all the man are after Imogen. She thinks that Imogen will end up with Mikey. She thinks that Grace is after Mikey but if he can’t have Imogen and she can’t have him / or Sleazy / or anyone else, then she’ll have George now that she has found out he lives in Sloane Square. If Sleazy gets Imogen, Mikey will go with Grace. If Mikey gets her, Sleazy will have Grace. Nicki marked Sleazy card by calling him a womanising perv. He didn’t stop her sitting in his lap for a while later though. Sleazy thinks Imogen is trying to play him and Mikey, his main man, off against each other and is clearly trying to get in there first. Imogen seems the type to fall for all the attention but we know that it will end in tears. Kinder garden stuff eh. Later in the swimming pool action, which has a camera that they don’t know about Richard suggested passing sipped wine from mouth to mouth, while launching an attack on George who ran. Pete showed everyone his huggggggeeeeeeeeeeeee penis. I think that he’d been dying to show it off. Lisa jumped onto him straight away and he likes her – he told BB that he likes her spark. Expect some romance there.
Miss Motivator needs to have a shower but can’t as she does not have her suitcase and she wants to shower in her swimming costume so that no one can see her naked body. She doesn’t want to jeopardise her career in exercise. I thought that lot would be more liberal. Any place I have ever exercised had a whole host of exhibitionist nudies running around. Even at in the Shark’s gym, where I only went to once, I saw sights that I will never ever forget. High-pitched screams from Bonny Langford in the bathroom alerted the house to the horrid odour of BO on Leah’s towel, where she had not left one. Sleazy and Nicki grassed the culprit up to Leah, it was Miss Motivator. I cannot believe that she has not had a shower yet. It’s day 3. She is huge and had been doing exercises every day. More horrors followed shortly as Richard discovered that a vest top he had leant to MM also stunk to high heaven. After much bitchy discussion Sleazy finally said that maybe they should pipe down as MM was bound to have heard and we’ve already seen tears from her. This didn’t stop Nicki and Richard telling BB the story with great relish. Someone tell em, no one likes a grass.
Jodie wanted to help his friend Leah and boiled the towel. However shortly after his kind community act he became care in the community once again and lay crying in bed yet again and refused to eat until he was sure that everyone was happy. This was under the pretence of getting the shopping wrong and jeopardising the loo roll situ (te he). The BBhood were responsible for this week’s shopping and got it wrong. Jodie had overall responsibility for the budget and overspending and went over the list with BB in the DR again but still somehow managed to overspend by £120. BB crossed off the last 14 items including loo roll and beer. Smoking Lady confronted Jodie who turned on the water works immediately. She’s annoyed that he didn’t come and get her. I suspect that he did it on purpose to get the beers knocked off, as surely one couldn’t be £120 worth of out? I think that he has a problem with people drinking, among other problems that is. He’s clearly deranged, even as Sleazy was trying to comfort him about his error over the shopping he said “I don’t like you” and later told him to f**k off. Richard gathered the group and told them all NOT to talk about the situation, as the attention is exactly what Jodie wanted. How Pete Burns of him. It will be interesting to see what the real Jodie says about Shebaz, seeing as he’s playing her role.
Jodie told BB again that he wanted to leave. He did this with his back to BB and while hiding on the floor and said that BB was making fun of him. As he was talking to BB the whole group were slating him, while simultaneously attempting to bond with Bono in order to complete the lynch mob. Only Pete has voiced any concern over what he sees as the group’s complete intolerance to Jodie’s behaviour. Jodie says that he has proved what he wanted to by coming onto the show, that is showing people that he is still alive, but is fed up being a number. He is not a Prisoner OK. Too much telly is clearly bad for you.
Meanwhile the BBhood had to designate wrapped prizes to those not in the group. Jodie tired of the group’s inefficiency pretty quickly and insisted on talking over as the task said one of the leaders should do it. He was then rude to all the other members and spat out “you’re drunk” at them. He was so vile that Lisa was spitting venom at hit and really wanted to hit him. There was a BBhood hat hidden in one of the prizes and it went to Sleazy. There is no way that Jodie would voluntarily let Sleazy into the BBhood, so this could be an interesting development. Jodie went on and on after the task was over and kept making faces at the cameras. Smoking Lady started to imitate him and got quite into it, possible because she was actually quite pissed. Jodie called her an imbecile, which Leah took great exception to. She shouted at him “don’t f**king inflict you pain on other people” and had quite a rant before being calmed down by Richard. This was all alcohol fuelled. Richard told everyone not to speak to Jodie. He performed a magic trick, a little bit of theatre that I’m sure Jodie would have appreciated another time, and made him disappear in a flash. If only.
Dawn had a word later and told Jodie that he was using the terms Paki and Poof to hide his BAD behaviour behind. He seemed to be taking it all in but then later when everyone was asleep he took all ALL all of the food out of the kitchen and put it into a bin in the garden. Where are the men in white coats? How long can this go on for? It’s so hard to believe that it’s only been 3 days!
Grace dressed Sleazy in drag. He looked really good. Richard simulated sex with him. Sexual terrorist, self-titled. Sleazy snuggled up to Imogen and nearly got a kiss before she backed out. Nicki says he doesn’t fancy any of the men but gave BB her low-down on possible hot love action…..She thinks that all the man are after Imogen. She thinks that Imogen will end up with Mikey. She thinks that Grace is after Mikey but if he can’t have Imogen and she can’t have him / or Sleazy / or anyone else, then she’ll have George now that she has found out he lives in Sloane Square. If Sleazy gets Imogen, Mikey will go with Grace. If Mikey gets her, Sleazy will have Grace. Nicki marked Sleazy card by calling him a womanising perv. He didn’t stop her sitting in his lap for a while later though. Sleazy thinks Imogen is trying to play him and Mikey, his main man, off against each other and is clearly trying to get in there first. Imogen seems the type to fall for all the attention but we know that it will end in tears. Kinder garden stuff eh. Later in the swimming pool action, which has a camera that they don’t know about Richard suggested passing sipped wine from mouth to mouth, while launching an attack on George who ran. Pete showed everyone his huggggggeeeeeeeeeeeee penis. I think that he’d been dying to show it off. Lisa jumped onto him straight away and he likes her – he told BB that he likes her spark. Expect some romance there.
Miss Motivator needs to have a shower but can’t as she does not have her suitcase and she wants to shower in her swimming costume so that no one can see her naked body. She doesn’t want to jeopardise her career in exercise. I thought that lot would be more liberal. Any place I have ever exercised had a whole host of exhibitionist nudies running around. Even at in the Shark’s gym, where I only went to once, I saw sights that I will never ever forget. High-pitched screams from Bonny Langford in the bathroom alerted the house to the horrid odour of BO on Leah’s towel, where she had not left one. Sleazy and Nicki grassed the culprit up to Leah, it was Miss Motivator. I cannot believe that she has not had a shower yet. It’s day 3. She is huge and had been doing exercises every day. More horrors followed shortly as Richard discovered that a vest top he had leant to MM also stunk to high heaven. After much bitchy discussion Sleazy finally said that maybe they should pipe down as MM was bound to have heard and we’ve already seen tears from her. This didn’t stop Nicki and Richard telling BB the story with great relish. Someone tell em, no one likes a grass.
Jodie wanted to help his friend Leah and boiled the towel. However shortly after his kind community act he became care in the community once again and lay crying in bed yet again and refused to eat until he was sure that everyone was happy. This was under the pretence of getting the shopping wrong and jeopardising the loo roll situ (te he). The BBhood were responsible for this week’s shopping and got it wrong. Jodie had overall responsibility for the budget and overspending and went over the list with BB in the DR again but still somehow managed to overspend by £120. BB crossed off the last 14 items including loo roll and beer. Smoking Lady confronted Jodie who turned on the water works immediately. She’s annoyed that he didn’t come and get her. I suspect that he did it on purpose to get the beers knocked off, as surely one couldn’t be £120 worth of out? I think that he has a problem with people drinking, among other problems that is. He’s clearly deranged, even as Sleazy was trying to comfort him about his error over the shopping he said “I don’t like you” and later told him to f**k off. Richard gathered the group and told them all NOT to talk about the situation, as the attention is exactly what Jodie wanted. How Pete Burns of him. It will be interesting to see what the real Jodie says about Shebaz, seeing as he’s playing her role.
Jodie told BB again that he wanted to leave. He did this with his back to BB and while hiding on the floor and said that BB was making fun of him. As he was talking to BB the whole group were slating him, while simultaneously attempting to bond with Bono in order to complete the lynch mob. Only Pete has voiced any concern over what he sees as the group’s complete intolerance to Jodie’s behaviour. Jodie says that he has proved what he wanted to by coming onto the show, that is showing people that he is still alive, but is fed up being a number. He is not a Prisoner OK. Too much telly is clearly bad for you.
Meanwhile the BBhood had to designate wrapped prizes to those not in the group. Jodie tired of the group’s inefficiency pretty quickly and insisted on talking over as the task said one of the leaders should do it. He was then rude to all the other members and spat out “you’re drunk” at them. He was so vile that Lisa was spitting venom at hit and really wanted to hit him. There was a BBhood hat hidden in one of the prizes and it went to Sleazy. There is no way that Jodie would voluntarily let Sleazy into the BBhood, so this could be an interesting development. Jodie went on and on after the task was over and kept making faces at the cameras. Smoking Lady started to imitate him and got quite into it, possible because she was actually quite pissed. Jodie called her an imbecile, which Leah took great exception to. She shouted at him “don’t f**king inflict you pain on other people” and had quite a rant before being calmed down by Richard. This was all alcohol fuelled. Richard told everyone not to speak to Jodie. He performed a magic trick, a little bit of theatre that I’m sure Jodie would have appreciated another time, and made him disappear in a flash. If only.
Dawn had a word later and told Jodie that he was using the terms Paki and Poof to hide his BAD behaviour behind. He seemed to be taking it all in but then later when everyone was asleep he took all ALL all of the food out of the kitchen and put it into a bin in the garden. Where are the men in white coats? How long can this go on for? It’s so hard to believe that it’s only been 3 days!
diary room uncut
BB “How are you?”
Bono “Alright – is that it?”
BB “How are you finding the BB house?”
Bono “Blah blah.”
Bono “Is that it?”
Bono “Is there anything else?
Bono “Is that it?”
Bono “Is that it?”
Bono “See you whenever.”
Bono is still not talking to Our Kid Lisa for naming and shaming her to the nation. She’s still in the same pink outfit that she came in. Our Kid feels a little guilty as Bono is skulking in corners and seems genuinely upset.
Shebaz has found the route cause of his problems, he filled all the hours on the dole by watching films and now he’s not sure of his real character and just what reality is. He got a little upset and cried blah blah blah but said that he did not want to leave and wanted another chance. As he left the DR BB said “And Shebaz, don’t forget that tomorrow is another day.” Oh the look he gave BB. He’s the leading lady and clearly gives a damn about BB stealing his role.
Bono “Alright – is that it?”
BB “How are you finding the BB house?”
Bono “Blah blah.”
Bono “Is that it?”
Bono “Is there anything else?
Bono “Is that it?”
Bono “Is that it?”
Bono “See you whenever.”
Bono is still not talking to Our Kid Lisa for naming and shaming her to the nation. She’s still in the same pink outfit that she came in. Our Kid feels a little guilty as Bono is skulking in corners and seems genuinely upset.
Shebaz has found the route cause of his problems, he filled all the hours on the dole by watching films and now he’s not sure of his real character and just what reality is. He got a little upset and cried blah blah blah but said that he did not want to leave and wanted another chance. As he left the DR BB said “And Shebaz, don’t forget that tomorrow is another day.” Oh the look he gave BB. He’s the leading lady and clearly gives a damn about BB stealing his role.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
day 3
Bonnie cannot pronounce her name, she either says Bon eh? or Bono. Honest. I don’t think she will be here for long.
Pete’s in the Big Brotherhood. Hurrah. I think that Lisa fancies him. Grace was let in next as long as she agreed to share her clothes. BB asked Shebaz how he was coping with being a founder member of the Big Brotherhood. He said that he found it hard and then cried and said that everyone had been so nice and no one hated him even though he had behaved badly. If only he knew. He chose Richard to join the BB next claiming that he wanted to see his wardrobe but I suspect that he thinks it might endear himself to him too but it won’t.
Shebaz had actually talked to himself for only 27 mins yesterday, before the camera turned on him, it just felt like longer. Sezer and Glynn thinks he’s a nutter. They could actually hear him from the bedroom. Glynn doesn’t like Shebaz touching him and somehow found the balls to tell him. At least I think that’s what he’s said. He is very Welsh and I think he normally speaks it every day. Shebaz told him that he understood but that he won’t be changing and that he is a touchy feely person. He also gave Glynn the stuff of nightmares when he told him that some of the people that he plays rugby with must be gay. I don’t think that we’ve heard the last of this yet.
Shebaz admitted to having been in Prison for 1 week, as he had been caught prostituting his body in Glasgow. He maintains he was falsely imprisoned and that he didn’t do it, well not at the time. He said that he had tried to be a rent boy once and did turn a trick when he was homeless and hungry but would never do it again. He was paid £10 but the punter took it back and beat him up. Ah.
Pete, I love him, was out in the garden whistling to the birds. The real birds, found in the sky. He admitted what we all read about in the tabloids today – that he used to go to S&M clubs and dress up and get whipped and dominated. He didn’t mention his threesomes though. Nicki asked if he went to the kind of club where you get peed on. Pete told the HMs that his Tourettes didn’t kick in until he was bullied at school at around age 14. He lay in Grace’s arms for hours. It was quite cute. But then she doesn’t know he’d rather be whipped and stepped on in stilettos and has been exposed in the tabloids. He had a funny half hour in the garden where he screamed and laughed like a loony into a pillow. I think he got some relief from doing it. Grace later lay hugging with Mikey too and said that she’s a huggy person.
Sezer asked Leah if she is a porn star. He said that he recognised traits in her appearance but I think he’s seen her film. What would Pete say? Her hideous eyebrows are tattooed on. He got into bed with Imogen again.
The BB members were supplied with food and booze for a party and asked to dress for the occasion but the other HMs were not on the list and only got a packed lunch. They were separated and the music commenced for the BB. Shebaz refused to dance and hid in the toilets. He said that he wasn’t joining in, as it wasn’t a party without the whole house. Pah, it’s because he needs to be the centre of attention. I wonder if his ears were burning as Dawn, his friend (?) retold the Glynn and touching story. They all think he’s a perv, although they had thought that before anyway.
Leah was getting really upset about not having a clean concrete bra to defy gravity with and was relieved to be the next to join the group. Pete had suggested Nicki but Grace pooh-poohed this so that Dawn could share Leah's clothes. Well, that’s what she said. Tonight’s cliffhanger was Leah telling BB in the DR that the group were solid, not fighters and that they would all stick together. “We’re not like any house you’ve ever had before”.
Or dear, is this the cue for carnage?
Pete’s in the Big Brotherhood. Hurrah. I think that Lisa fancies him. Grace was let in next as long as she agreed to share her clothes. BB asked Shebaz how he was coping with being a founder member of the Big Brotherhood. He said that he found it hard and then cried and said that everyone had been so nice and no one hated him even though he had behaved badly. If only he knew. He chose Richard to join the BB next claiming that he wanted to see his wardrobe but I suspect that he thinks it might endear himself to him too but it won’t.
Shebaz had actually talked to himself for only 27 mins yesterday, before the camera turned on him, it just felt like longer. Sezer and Glynn thinks he’s a nutter. They could actually hear him from the bedroom. Glynn doesn’t like Shebaz touching him and somehow found the balls to tell him. At least I think that’s what he’s said. He is very Welsh and I think he normally speaks it every day. Shebaz told him that he understood but that he won’t be changing and that he is a touchy feely person. He also gave Glynn the stuff of nightmares when he told him that some of the people that he plays rugby with must be gay. I don’t think that we’ve heard the last of this yet.
Shebaz admitted to having been in Prison for 1 week, as he had been caught prostituting his body in Glasgow. He maintains he was falsely imprisoned and that he didn’t do it, well not at the time. He said that he had tried to be a rent boy once and did turn a trick when he was homeless and hungry but would never do it again. He was paid £10 but the punter took it back and beat him up. Ah.
Pete, I love him, was out in the garden whistling to the birds. The real birds, found in the sky. He admitted what we all read about in the tabloids today – that he used to go to S&M clubs and dress up and get whipped and dominated. He didn’t mention his threesomes though. Nicki asked if he went to the kind of club where you get peed on. Pete told the HMs that his Tourettes didn’t kick in until he was bullied at school at around age 14. He lay in Grace’s arms for hours. It was quite cute. But then she doesn’t know he’d rather be whipped and stepped on in stilettos and has been exposed in the tabloids. He had a funny half hour in the garden where he screamed and laughed like a loony into a pillow. I think he got some relief from doing it. Grace later lay hugging with Mikey too and said that she’s a huggy person.
Sezer asked Leah if she is a porn star. He said that he recognised traits in her appearance but I think he’s seen her film. What would Pete say? Her hideous eyebrows are tattooed on. He got into bed with Imogen again.
The BB members were supplied with food and booze for a party and asked to dress for the occasion but the other HMs were not on the list and only got a packed lunch. They were separated and the music commenced for the BB. Shebaz refused to dance and hid in the toilets. He said that he wasn’t joining in, as it wasn’t a party without the whole house. Pah, it’s because he needs to be the centre of attention. I wonder if his ears were burning as Dawn, his friend (?) retold the Glynn and touching story. They all think he’s a perv, although they had thought that before anyway.
Leah was getting really upset about not having a clean concrete bra to defy gravity with and was relieved to be the next to join the group. Pete had suggested Nicki but Grace pooh-poohed this so that Dawn could share Leah's clothes. Well, that’s what she said. Tonight’s cliffhanger was Leah telling BB in the DR that the group were solid, not fighters and that they would all stick together. “We’re not like any house you’ve ever had before”.
Or dear, is this the cue for carnage?
big brother - name and shame
SHEBAZ : THIS MAN IS AN IDIOT
Tat from the tabloids :
Shebaz is a trannie. He has been on the dole for years.
Nicki is a slapper, lots of topless shots
Pete likes going to S&M clubs
Imogen slept with Ronaldo
Nobody believes that Leah is 35
Saturday, May 20, 2006
big brother day 2
Dawn led Lisa & Pete in exercises first thing. I wish I had her free of charge for 3 months.
Glyn is a mute hobbit from The Lord of the Rings. I won’t be trying to steal his ring. It wouldn’t fit me. Not if it fit him. All his friends are at school!!!!!! Doing their A levels. He is so Welsh that I cannot understand a word he says. Not that he speaks much. Vote him out please, after Shebaz. Drip.
Nicki Bimbo to Bonnie “you don’t sound weird, I didn’t think you were from up North”. She is from Loughborough, not the Junction. Grace asked where Nicki’s volume switch is. The claws are out. Some of them suspect that she is a tart. Apparently she let it all hang out of her bunny girl costume.
I blame case gate. The BB founder members were called into the DR while the others watched them on TV – they did not know. Shebaz thought that he knew and warned Lisa. She didn’t believe him, or chose not to while she told BB that she doesn’t like Sezer and Bonnie. Cue faces like thunder, although Bonnie’s face is like a slapped arse anyway. They let Richard and Pete join the group. BB then told them that they could discuss the task with the group and some spoilsport told them that they had been watched while in the DR. Bonnie cried after being named and shamed while Sezer just mouthed off. Bonnie will fight back. Leah comforted her with her bosom for a pillow. Bonnie fears that she has an ASBO and that the situation will get her evicted. Lisa confronted the situation once she found out that she had been heard. Good on her. Sezer asked what she didn’t like about him and she replied “I find you slightly arrogant”. Who cares – I wouldn’t.
Nicki cried like a banshee in the DR because she is without her industrial strength mascara and remover to reapply and has no no clothes to put on. Dawn of all people brought her into the DR. Dawn!! I suspect it was for her own self-preservation. Bless, Nicki could barely prop her head up. She was a shadow of her former self. Her skull was shrunken. Her eyes were black. She was within an inch of consciousness, although she seemed fine later. She screamed to BB “I have a migraine. I need bottled water. I cannot drink tap water. I need my clothes. I need my clothes. I’m going home. I’m dehydrated. I’m a homeless tramp. I hate it. I f**king hate it here. And I am crying because of you, because you won’t give me my f**king clothes.” Picture Bonnie Langford. She will scream and scream and scream until she makes herself sick. SHE NEEDS TO BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BB for God’s sake have pity, on US, the viewer. Give her a mascara wand and no clothes to put on.
Pete prefers the girls’ company. When asked how he found the group, I don’t know if his response, “w****ers”, was an involuntary action or not. We’ll see.
George thinks he’s black but he is not. George is white and George is posh. He has used the words “respect” and “Daddy” in the DR. Surely he knows Ali G is not real. It’s cos he’s posh innit.
Sezer managed to snuggle in bed up with Imogen, tarts, both of em. They are most likely to snog each other first and then regret it afterwards. He showed her a photo of his mum and sister and then said he might be 10 minutes in the toilet???? W***er. That was the Pete in me. He also knows how big his Gran’s knickers are. Suspect. He later claimed that fat birds give you more in bed. He sees the show as a marathon and thinks that Shebaz will burn out. He would rather not have his suitcase than suck up to him. In the DR he called Shebaz the house buffoon, a bully, a drama queen and then said, “I don’t know if that’s his real character”. This is his real character. He’s the character out of Little Britain. Doh. He called him an embarrassment to gay men and warned him not to hussle a hussler. Ha ha. He called Lisa a geezer bird and common.
Shebaz meanwhile claims that the group do not understand him and that he was just having a theatrical moment for the whole of the previous night, a little bit of theatre. I wish he were a mime artist. He made Dawn cry. She is not the woman I thought she was. Unless her comeback is good. Richard told him to tone it down and begged to see the real him. God, this is the real him. Vote him out. He’s a vicious queen. They all had a pop at him and he threatened to leave. Zzzzzzzzzs. Whatever features a lot in his vocabulary. He asked BB if he could leave as the group did not like his leading lady act, his Mommy Dearest act, his Bet Davis act – yes he’s mad. BB would not let him leave (as he suspected all along) but he asked to go straight to bed with no encore. Hurrah. Oh oh, tears in the toilet first. As you know we got his encore this morning.
Strangely the Marigolds did not get a mention.
Cough. This is Lea before the house. Over 18s only please.
Glyn is a mute hobbit from The Lord of the Rings. I won’t be trying to steal his ring. It wouldn’t fit me. Not if it fit him. All his friends are at school!!!!!! Doing their A levels. He is so Welsh that I cannot understand a word he says. Not that he speaks much. Vote him out please, after Shebaz. Drip.
Nicki Bimbo to Bonnie “you don’t sound weird, I didn’t think you were from up North”. She is from Loughborough, not the Junction. Grace asked where Nicki’s volume switch is. The claws are out. Some of them suspect that she is a tart. Apparently she let it all hang out of her bunny girl costume.
I blame case gate. The BB founder members were called into the DR while the others watched them on TV – they did not know. Shebaz thought that he knew and warned Lisa. She didn’t believe him, or chose not to while she told BB that she doesn’t like Sezer and Bonnie. Cue faces like thunder, although Bonnie’s face is like a slapped arse anyway. They let Richard and Pete join the group. BB then told them that they could discuss the task with the group and some spoilsport told them that they had been watched while in the DR. Bonnie cried after being named and shamed while Sezer just mouthed off. Bonnie will fight back. Leah comforted her with her bosom for a pillow. Bonnie fears that she has an ASBO and that the situation will get her evicted. Lisa confronted the situation once she found out that she had been heard. Good on her. Sezer asked what she didn’t like about him and she replied “I find you slightly arrogant”. Who cares – I wouldn’t.
Nicki cried like a banshee in the DR because she is without her industrial strength mascara and remover to reapply and has no no clothes to put on. Dawn of all people brought her into the DR. Dawn!! I suspect it was for her own self-preservation. Bless, Nicki could barely prop her head up. She was a shadow of her former self. Her skull was shrunken. Her eyes were black. She was within an inch of consciousness, although she seemed fine later. She screamed to BB “I have a migraine. I need bottled water. I cannot drink tap water. I need my clothes. I need my clothes. I’m going home. I’m dehydrated. I’m a homeless tramp. I hate it. I f**king hate it here. And I am crying because of you, because you won’t give me my f**king clothes.” Picture Bonnie Langford. She will scream and scream and scream until she makes herself sick. SHE NEEDS TO BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BB for God’s sake have pity, on US, the viewer. Give her a mascara wand and no clothes to put on.
Pete prefers the girls’ company. When asked how he found the group, I don’t know if his response, “w****ers”, was an involuntary action or not. We’ll see.
George thinks he’s black but he is not. George is white and George is posh. He has used the words “respect” and “Daddy” in the DR. Surely he knows Ali G is not real. It’s cos he’s posh innit.
Sezer managed to snuggle in bed up with Imogen, tarts, both of em. They are most likely to snog each other first and then regret it afterwards. He showed her a photo of his mum and sister and then said he might be 10 minutes in the toilet???? W***er. That was the Pete in me. He also knows how big his Gran’s knickers are. Suspect. He later claimed that fat birds give you more in bed. He sees the show as a marathon and thinks that Shebaz will burn out. He would rather not have his suitcase than suck up to him. In the DR he called Shebaz the house buffoon, a bully, a drama queen and then said, “I don’t know if that’s his real character”. This is his real character. He’s the character out of Little Britain. Doh. He called him an embarrassment to gay men and warned him not to hussle a hussler. Ha ha. He called Lisa a geezer bird and common.
Shebaz meanwhile claims that the group do not understand him and that he was just having a theatrical moment for the whole of the previous night, a little bit of theatre. I wish he were a mime artist. He made Dawn cry. She is not the woman I thought she was. Unless her comeback is good. Richard told him to tone it down and begged to see the real him. God, this is the real him. Vote him out. He’s a vicious queen. They all had a pop at him and he threatened to leave. Zzzzzzzzzs. Whatever features a lot in his vocabulary. He asked BB if he could leave as the group did not like his leading lady act, his Mommy Dearest act, his Bet Davis act – yes he’s mad. BB would not let him leave (as he suspected all along) but he asked to go straight to bed with no encore. Hurrah. Oh oh, tears in the toilet first. As you know we got his encore this morning.
Strangely the Marigolds did not get a mention.
Cough. This is Lea before the house. Over 18s only please.
big brother : day 1 again
I’ve watched the first programme 3 times now just for you all who can’t be here. And I’ve seen a bit of live coverage too. All for you! Bro woke up with a cold this morning and sadly can’t be here today but fingers crossed for a DIY frenzy tomorrow. I have painted the bathroom though.
Bonnie : dull. She asked Pete if he was on something but quickly took it back. I don’t blame her for asking, anyone would have. I suspect she will get her kit off soon as she has not got a lot to say for herself. I suspect that she has terrible boobs.
Pete : I love him and think that he has a good chance of winning. He’s a lot less twitchy when he is calmer. Lisa likes him and he now has his suitcase.
George : is dull. Zzzzzzzzzz. I have nothing to say about him except having one’s eyebrow pierced does not make one hard.
Shebaz : is an idiot. I cannot believe that he is escaping eviction next week, although they did not specify a day so hopefully the first eviction will be Tuesday and he will be out next Friday. He spent a long time with BB last night and by all accounts apologised to the group for freaking them out. His excuse for being so confrontational was that he said he was expecting opposition and when he did not get it still acted as if he was provoked as he was in the zone. I suspect that he was being a twat as Richard said that he would not flirt with him and that Shebaz would not get any man on man action. This morning though he spent at least 45 minutes talking to the camera in the bathroom, until it turned on him. It actually turned on him, i.e. away from him. There he was bleating on about Princess Diana, telling us all that we were idiots if we did not believe that she was murdered. He compared his life to hers just because the year that she did Panorama he did a video diary. He was telling us all, those who stuck with it 40 minutes zzzzzzzzs that he had told the video diary that one day he would get his chance and here it
CUT
CAMERA GONE
But but but “this is my big chance”. Hurrah BB has a sense of humour.
“Are you sulking?” he asked the camera.
No, the camera was bored. You are not Hamlet and we are not interested in 40-minute soliloquies.
Idiot be gone.
He spent nearly an hour titivating himself, at least 15 minutes applying moisturiser to his face, another 10 minutes patting down his hair, straightening his eyebrows etc.
Loser. By the time he had left the bathroom the other fool housemates were up and he apologised to the HMs one by one for his actions of the night before whereas he had just spent an hour justifying them to us, the viewer. I should add here that Shebaz does not drink; he was 100% sober all the time. Incidentally the housemates thought it was 7am when it was actually 10am. Fools.
Leah : is a hideous looking woman. I am reserving judgement as from time to time she talks sense but she look hideous. She has an 11-year-old son.
Imogen was a Miss Wales once or something. She’s a fag hag to Richard. Lisa likes her. She knows that Sezer likes her but is not into him….yet.
Mikey : dull so far. Thinks he is it but he is not.
Dawn : had the boys doing exercises this morning. I watched and learned too. As long as people listen to her she will be fine but when they stop listening she will kick off. This woman will lose it big time and it will be fun. Shebaz thinks f her as a soul mate but we will have to wait and see. She has a huge arse.
Glynn : yawn. How can he believe that he is attractive? He has good abs but so did I until a year ago (I will again).
Richard : entertaining so far.
Grace : yawn.
Lisa : loud, gobby. Smokes 30 a day. Always has a fag in her mouth. I cannot wait until she has none.
Sezer : the Paul Danon of Big Brother. When Shebaz was talking to BB last night went on and on and on about him. Yaps like a fishwife. Move on boy, it’s boring. Loves to talk too much and thinks he is gorgeous. He has a nice face and a good body but he is a class A twat. I suspect he has given the go a head for ex birds to talk to the Sunday papers about his prowess in bed.
Nicky : vacuous moaner. The Jodie Marsh of the camp. I am going to love laying into her. The type of bird I hate.
Bonnie : dull. She asked Pete if he was on something but quickly took it back. I don’t blame her for asking, anyone would have. I suspect she will get her kit off soon as she has not got a lot to say for herself. I suspect that she has terrible boobs.
Pete : I love him and think that he has a good chance of winning. He’s a lot less twitchy when he is calmer. Lisa likes him and he now has his suitcase.
George : is dull. Zzzzzzzzzz. I have nothing to say about him except having one’s eyebrow pierced does not make one hard.
Shebaz : is an idiot. I cannot believe that he is escaping eviction next week, although they did not specify a day so hopefully the first eviction will be Tuesday and he will be out next Friday. He spent a long time with BB last night and by all accounts apologised to the group for freaking them out. His excuse for being so confrontational was that he said he was expecting opposition and when he did not get it still acted as if he was provoked as he was in the zone. I suspect that he was being a twat as Richard said that he would not flirt with him and that Shebaz would not get any man on man action. This morning though he spent at least 45 minutes talking to the camera in the bathroom, until it turned on him. It actually turned on him, i.e. away from him. There he was bleating on about Princess Diana, telling us all that we were idiots if we did not believe that she was murdered. He compared his life to hers just because the year that she did Panorama he did a video diary. He was telling us all, those who stuck with it 40 minutes zzzzzzzzs that he had told the video diary that one day he would get his chance and here it
CUT
CAMERA GONE
But but but “this is my big chance”. Hurrah BB has a sense of humour.
“Are you sulking?” he asked the camera.
No, the camera was bored. You are not Hamlet and we are not interested in 40-minute soliloquies.
Idiot be gone.
He spent nearly an hour titivating himself, at least 15 minutes applying moisturiser to his face, another 10 minutes patting down his hair, straightening his eyebrows etc.
Loser. By the time he had left the bathroom the other fool housemates were up and he apologised to the HMs one by one for his actions of the night before whereas he had just spent an hour justifying them to us, the viewer. I should add here that Shebaz does not drink; he was 100% sober all the time. Incidentally the housemates thought it was 7am when it was actually 10am. Fools.
Leah : is a hideous looking woman. I am reserving judgement as from time to time she talks sense but she look hideous. She has an 11-year-old son.
Imogen was a Miss Wales once or something. She’s a fag hag to Richard. Lisa likes her. She knows that Sezer likes her but is not into him….yet.
Mikey : dull so far. Thinks he is it but he is not.
Dawn : had the boys doing exercises this morning. I watched and learned too. As long as people listen to her she will be fine but when they stop listening she will kick off. This woman will lose it big time and it will be fun. Shebaz thinks f her as a soul mate but we will have to wait and see. She has a huge arse.
Glynn : yawn. How can he believe that he is attractive? He has good abs but so did I until a year ago (I will again).
Richard : entertaining so far.
Grace : yawn.
Lisa : loud, gobby. Smokes 30 a day. Always has a fag in her mouth. I cannot wait until she has none.
Sezer : the Paul Danon of Big Brother. When Shebaz was talking to BB last night went on and on and on about him. Yaps like a fishwife. Move on boy, it’s boring. Loves to talk too much and thinks he is gorgeous. He has a nice face and a good body but he is a class A twat. I suspect he has given the go a head for ex birds to talk to the Sunday papers about his prowess in bed.
Nicky : vacuous moaner. The Jodie Marsh of the camp. I am going to love laying into her. The type of bird I hate.
big brother : day 1
First in was Bonnie, and it’s immediately obvious that she is 19 going on 40. What is it with these reality birds and the need to wear pink? She thinks that she is very sexy but she is not. She likes to get naked but does not have the body for it. She is very dull. She was left alone with, and got a little freaked by, the behaviour of the next housemate……Pete. He immediately come across as a Norman Wisdom / Michael Barrymore / Lee Evans composite but I suspect that he’s quite an individual really. He’s a rock and roll singer with Tourettes and whistles and coughs his way through life. W***ers is his most common outburst. He fell down the stairs on the way into the house and is a mad excitable fool. I’m sure that the WB is going to start calling me Pete as we do seem to share some traits.
Next in was George, a very calm student. Dull dull dull. He comes from good stock, he hunts and shoots and has an allowance from Mater and Pater. An ex border. Rich. Posh. Sloaney. He hates hyper gay men. Hmmm, wonder who will be in next.
Shebaz A HYPER GAY MAN. Who would have thought? Shebaz is a 37-year-old Asian who has only left Glasgow twice and calls himself a Paki Poof. He is very high-pitched, very camp and very tactile. He carries his handbag like Emily Bishop carries hers and reminds me of the Matt Williams transvestite in Little Britain. Loud. Annoying.
Leah is a hideous exercise in cosmetic surgery with huge, disgusting, out of proportion silicone tits and of course she got booed on the way in for looking like a blow up doll. A 35-year-old blow up doll. Shebaz immediately offered to look after her, as he loves her. She used to be 22 stone and I suspect that she will count every calorie and pretend to do regular exercise but is really a lazy lard guzzler. No matter how much she spends on surgery, she will never look good.
Imogen is pretty and Welsh. I can’t understand a word that she says. WB has predicted that she will be in the last 3. She hit it off with Richard.
Next is Mikey, a scouse model. He hates Feminists. He fancies himself. Good job, as I don’t. WB thinks that him and Imogen might fall in love. Soppy sod.
Dawn is an exercise scientist (?). She looks like she will kick some butt. She doesn’t like people, she’s a self confessed complainer, she doesn’t want any friends and has never been in love. Shebaz said that she looks exotic but she looks far from it. She seems quite angry and bitter about life, which she says is shit. She reminds me of someone. Me!
Glynn is a lifeguard and strode in like something out of Baywatch, ie in a pair of red shorts. He says that he’s good looking but I can’t see it, although his body seems OK. Another Welsh. Flipping heck, the size of his ego. He is vain and competitive.
Richard, the self-titled ‘Sexual Terrorist’ is a gay camp bitchy Canadian who works out. He’s a cross between Jodie Marsh and Pete Burns. He’s gagging for it and prayed for there to be some fit blokes and a bar in the house but has already recoiled from the tactile Shebaz and gave him a bit of a verbal bitch slapping. Has found a fag hag in Imogen. Promising.
Grace is a posh, rich, spoiled young Sloane. Into clubbing and designer clothes. Shebaz loves her.
Lisa is a Chinese Scary Spice. She’s from Manchester and talks at 100 mph. She’s a plain talker who is dead loud and dead common.
Sezer sees himself as a Ladies Man and has had Bonnie on his lap already. He also fancies the Welsh bird and showed his affection by snapping at her thong. He's some sort of entrepreneur on the Stock Exchange. City twat. Boy does he love the sound of his own voice. Loves himself and got his kit off first!
Nicky wants to marry a footballer or a rich man. She thinks that she is special but special needs is more likely. She came in wearing a Bunny Girl outfit that cut off her circulation. She’s a screamer, a moaner and a winger and has already been into the DR with the water works as she can’t take off her mascara. Boo hoo. A crybaby. Yuck. She accepted Sezer’s invite to snuggle in bed. My least favourite kind of woman: one who has to be hugged and paid attention to all the time. I cannot wait until Dawn lays into her.
Shebaz has guessed Pete’s condition, has mentioned it to him and is going to look after him. He won’t let anything happen to him and I can see the Craig / Anthony unrequited love drama happening all over again. Shebaz wore yellow Marigolds for the duration of the first evening and I have found no apparent explanation.
As part of the first task Big Brother won’t let them have their suitcases. As Task # 1 they all had to select 2 housemates to go in the DR. Lisa and Shebaz went in and were told that are the founding leaders of the Big Brother Hood and their special privileges are :
- they got their suitcases that night
- they are immune from the first eviction
- they can select other housemates to join the Big Brother Hood
This is funny as Lisa had just been into the DR and said that she probably wouldn’t get on with Shebaz as he is a bit of a “woman” but now they must be allies. Shebaz is also the most unlikely to gel with the group, no matter how he tries. Nicky was going to go into the DR but backed out when Leah advised her that BB might be tricking them. I think Nicky will hold a grudge over this.
Live coverage : Shebaz is too much for them. They’ve all had a big barney with him about his behaviour or what he terms his “theatre’’. They think he’s a psycho. He’s threatened to leave and has been in with BB for a while. But he did have the balls to tell them all that BB chose him for a reason and that it was most likely to annoy them all. Ha ha. Job done. But surely they all want to be in his gang and get their suitcases???
Next in was George, a very calm student. Dull dull dull. He comes from good stock, he hunts and shoots and has an allowance from Mater and Pater. An ex border. Rich. Posh. Sloaney. He hates hyper gay men. Hmmm, wonder who will be in next.
Shebaz A HYPER GAY MAN. Who would have thought? Shebaz is a 37-year-old Asian who has only left Glasgow twice and calls himself a Paki Poof. He is very high-pitched, very camp and very tactile. He carries his handbag like Emily Bishop carries hers and reminds me of the Matt Williams transvestite in Little Britain. Loud. Annoying.
Leah is a hideous exercise in cosmetic surgery with huge, disgusting, out of proportion silicone tits and of course she got booed on the way in for looking like a blow up doll. A 35-year-old blow up doll. Shebaz immediately offered to look after her, as he loves her. She used to be 22 stone and I suspect that she will count every calorie and pretend to do regular exercise but is really a lazy lard guzzler. No matter how much she spends on surgery, she will never look good.
Imogen is pretty and Welsh. I can’t understand a word that she says. WB has predicted that she will be in the last 3. She hit it off with Richard.
Next is Mikey, a scouse model. He hates Feminists. He fancies himself. Good job, as I don’t. WB thinks that him and Imogen might fall in love. Soppy sod.
Dawn is an exercise scientist (?). She looks like she will kick some butt. She doesn’t like people, she’s a self confessed complainer, she doesn’t want any friends and has never been in love. Shebaz said that she looks exotic but she looks far from it. She seems quite angry and bitter about life, which she says is shit. She reminds me of someone. Me!
Glynn is a lifeguard and strode in like something out of Baywatch, ie in a pair of red shorts. He says that he’s good looking but I can’t see it, although his body seems OK. Another Welsh. Flipping heck, the size of his ego. He is vain and competitive.
Richard, the self-titled ‘Sexual Terrorist’ is a gay camp bitchy Canadian who works out. He’s a cross between Jodie Marsh and Pete Burns. He’s gagging for it and prayed for there to be some fit blokes and a bar in the house but has already recoiled from the tactile Shebaz and gave him a bit of a verbal bitch slapping. Has found a fag hag in Imogen. Promising.
Grace is a posh, rich, spoiled young Sloane. Into clubbing and designer clothes. Shebaz loves her.
Lisa is a Chinese Scary Spice. She’s from Manchester and talks at 100 mph. She’s a plain talker who is dead loud and dead common.
Sezer sees himself as a Ladies Man and has had Bonnie on his lap already. He also fancies the Welsh bird and showed his affection by snapping at her thong. He's some sort of entrepreneur on the Stock Exchange. City twat. Boy does he love the sound of his own voice. Loves himself and got his kit off first!
Nicky wants to marry a footballer or a rich man. She thinks that she is special but special needs is more likely. She came in wearing a Bunny Girl outfit that cut off her circulation. She’s a screamer, a moaner and a winger and has already been into the DR with the water works as she can’t take off her mascara. Boo hoo. A crybaby. Yuck. She accepted Sezer’s invite to snuggle in bed. My least favourite kind of woman: one who has to be hugged and paid attention to all the time. I cannot wait until Dawn lays into her.
Shebaz has guessed Pete’s condition, has mentioned it to him and is going to look after him. He won’t let anything happen to him and I can see the Craig / Anthony unrequited love drama happening all over again. Shebaz wore yellow Marigolds for the duration of the first evening and I have found no apparent explanation.
As part of the first task Big Brother won’t let them have their suitcases. As Task # 1 they all had to select 2 housemates to go in the DR. Lisa and Shebaz went in and were told that are the founding leaders of the Big Brother Hood and their special privileges are :
- they got their suitcases that night
- they are immune from the first eviction
- they can select other housemates to join the Big Brother Hood
This is funny as Lisa had just been into the DR and said that she probably wouldn’t get on with Shebaz as he is a bit of a “woman” but now they must be allies. Shebaz is also the most unlikely to gel with the group, no matter how he tries. Nicky was going to go into the DR but backed out when Leah advised her that BB might be tricking them. I think Nicky will hold a grudge over this.
Live coverage : Shebaz is too much for them. They’ve all had a big barney with him about his behaviour or what he terms his “theatre’’. They think he’s a psycho. He’s threatened to leave and has been in with BB for a while. But he did have the balls to tell them all that BB chose him for a reason and that it was most likely to annoy them all. Ha ha. Job done. But surely they all want to be in his gang and get their suitcases???
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
hallelujah
News just in! All the noisy neighbours are moving out. Every single one, in a couple of weeks.
We are talking about a group of people that are so lazy that they put 2 disposable bar b ques onto a REAL bar- b-que. I don’t understand the yearning for burnt food anyway but this is beyond a joke.
We are talking about a group of people that are so lazy that they put 2 disposable bar b ques onto a REAL bar- b-que. I don’t understand the yearning for burnt food anyway but this is beyond a joke.
bored. me? pah
A wonderful German woman sits behind me at work. Her sister was visiting recently and she asked me if the shops would be open on the first of the Bank Holiday Mondays. She was pleased when I said that they would be open, and because she’s only lived here for the last, say 10 years, I told her what weekends were like when I was young hours and how it’s only minimum wage workers on soulless shifts that have made the change possible.
When I was young time stood still on Sundays and Bank Holidays. I thought that they dragged on forever. They were brilliant in the summer holidays or if I was camping or by the seaside but when I was stuck on a dull rainy London detached street it was pure torture. I was bored. We were all bored, until Doctor Who came on or the late night Hammer Horror film! Boxing Day was the worst, as I would have money and vouchers burning a hole in my pocket. Easter was the pits, and on Sundays I had to go to Church. Had to. And bearing in mind that as I went to a Catholic Primary School and a Convent High School, I’d already had my fair share of prayers and hymns by the time that the weekend came along.
When I started work, for about 10 years, Saturday was either when I went shopping for clothes that I would never wear or it began at approx 5pm while I slept off the night before. It was just in time for me to eat and go out again. I would never go through my 20s again. In my late 20s and early 30s I would normally work at the weekend and they became just another day. But once I resume normal(ish) working hours I began to recognise the weekend as a time to rest. I learned all about the joys of waking early, going to the park, spending time with friends and family, watching football results come flooding in, doing DIY (a hobby for me) or reading the papers, anything really. Sometimes I did nothing but at least I got up. After a few years spent in pursuit of hobbies I now have many.
Indeed, now that one, Art Class, has finished and moving is my new project I am busier than ever. This Saturday Bro Dom came round with my great nephew. Bro Dom was doing a reccy for next Saturday and the Saturday after (fingers crossed). Together we will spruce up my ‘tired’ kitchen. He’s a genius. He actually installed my kitchen 10 years ago. He knew a rich lady who had just bought a Chelsea Mews and when she said the kitchen had to go, he said, “I’ll have it”. And so it was transported in a Transit van. The only thing that I had to pay for was the van and a work bench. I can immediately recall getting the 12-foot long and very heavy bench into the flat. The only way was via the window in my smaller bedroom. Bro levied it up and I had to hold onto it while it rested on the windowsill and he ran up the stairs and hauled it into the room. That only took approx 30 secs but it was easily one of the longest 30-secs that I have ever known as I managed to balance something 3 times my body weight. By the time he ran up the stairs to grab it I was a gibbering wreck. I was shaking and laughing hysterically and shouting out “Look. Look. Look”’. We got it in but I’ll never know how. He installed my fully functional but now ‘tired’ kitchen in a day. Wow, he’s one of my heroes. And I’ve got him for 2 more days. With us working together, for he and Daddy have taught me all I know, this place will be a Palace. Anyway, before the reccy we went to the park and together with great nephew we spent 3 hours having riotous fun. We played football, petanque, we rolled down hills, ran, found the secret garden, had a picnic, ice cream, flew a kite and laughed our heads off.
Once they had left I went to B&Q to buy 2 cheap mirrors, for re-representation purposes. And now I know why it takes women so long to leave the house as both of them make my bum look big in this or anything. I feel short, fat and wretched but at least the flat looks great.
Off to do more sugar soaping. I love it.
When I was young time stood still on Sundays and Bank Holidays. I thought that they dragged on forever. They were brilliant in the summer holidays or if I was camping or by the seaside but when I was stuck on a dull rainy London detached street it was pure torture. I was bored. We were all bored, until Doctor Who came on or the late night Hammer Horror film! Boxing Day was the worst, as I would have money and vouchers burning a hole in my pocket. Easter was the pits, and on Sundays I had to go to Church. Had to. And bearing in mind that as I went to a Catholic Primary School and a Convent High School, I’d already had my fair share of prayers and hymns by the time that the weekend came along.
When I started work, for about 10 years, Saturday was either when I went shopping for clothes that I would never wear or it began at approx 5pm while I slept off the night before. It was just in time for me to eat and go out again. I would never go through my 20s again. In my late 20s and early 30s I would normally work at the weekend and they became just another day. But once I resume normal(ish) working hours I began to recognise the weekend as a time to rest. I learned all about the joys of waking early, going to the park, spending time with friends and family, watching football results come flooding in, doing DIY (a hobby for me) or reading the papers, anything really. Sometimes I did nothing but at least I got up. After a few years spent in pursuit of hobbies I now have many.
Indeed, now that one, Art Class, has finished and moving is my new project I am busier than ever. This Saturday Bro Dom came round with my great nephew. Bro Dom was doing a reccy for next Saturday and the Saturday after (fingers crossed). Together we will spruce up my ‘tired’ kitchen. He’s a genius. He actually installed my kitchen 10 years ago. He knew a rich lady who had just bought a Chelsea Mews and when she said the kitchen had to go, he said, “I’ll have it”. And so it was transported in a Transit van. The only thing that I had to pay for was the van and a work bench. I can immediately recall getting the 12-foot long and very heavy bench into the flat. The only way was via the window in my smaller bedroom. Bro levied it up and I had to hold onto it while it rested on the windowsill and he ran up the stairs and hauled it into the room. That only took approx 30 secs but it was easily one of the longest 30-secs that I have ever known as I managed to balance something 3 times my body weight. By the time he ran up the stairs to grab it I was a gibbering wreck. I was shaking and laughing hysterically and shouting out “Look. Look. Look”’. We got it in but I’ll never know how. He installed my fully functional but now ‘tired’ kitchen in a day. Wow, he’s one of my heroes. And I’ve got him for 2 more days. With us working together, for he and Daddy have taught me all I know, this place will be a Palace. Anyway, before the reccy we went to the park and together with great nephew we spent 3 hours having riotous fun. We played football, petanque, we rolled down hills, ran, found the secret garden, had a picnic, ice cream, flew a kite and laughed our heads off.
Once they had left I went to B&Q to buy 2 cheap mirrors, for re-representation purposes. And now I know why it takes women so long to leave the house as both of them make my bum look big in this or anything. I feel short, fat and wretched but at least the flat looks great.
Off to do more sugar soaping. I love it.
Friday, May 12, 2006
I simply cannot wait to have a garden (pt 150)
Since my regular boxing class stopped I have been developing bingo wings. They are now getting out of hand and quick frankly I need to shape up, upper body wise. My legs are getting there, I’m happy with the progress there but I need a punch bug. When I get my garden I’m going to have a punch bag. I’ll also have a little skipping area. Plus a petanque area too, if it doesn’t ruin the grass. For the ex-pats, it’s the 4th beautiful day in a row. Sun, blue skies and beautiful clear night skies. It feels like summer.
Jupiter it right next to the waxing moon which is due to be full tomorrow and the light is bouncing off it and onto Jupiter making it appear to be a huge sparkling jewel in the sky. It’s creeping over the rooftops opposite now and will shortly be followed by the nearly full and oh so bright moon. Oh, to be able to sit in a garden to observe. It’s beautiful. Someone that I haven’t spoken to since Glastonbury last year actually texted me this morning to say that she had seen the moon last night and thought of me. Ah. Cos of the moon we’re going to meet up again. What a spell it casts. Oh the moon is coming I can see it’s illumination. I’ll be back in a minute.
RING SIDE SEATS PLEASE (I'll have to get a tripod)
Jupiter it right next to the waxing moon which is due to be full tomorrow and the light is bouncing off it and onto Jupiter making it appear to be a huge sparkling jewel in the sky. It’s creeping over the rooftops opposite now and will shortly be followed by the nearly full and oh so bright moon. Oh, to be able to sit in a garden to observe. It’s beautiful. Someone that I haven’t spoken to since Glastonbury last year actually texted me this morning to say that she had seen the moon last night and thought of me. Ah. Cos of the moon we’re going to meet up again. What a spell it casts. Oh the moon is coming I can see it’s illumination. I’ll be back in a minute.
RING SIDE SEATS PLEASE (I'll have to get a tripod)
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
did I mention that I’m selling my flat?
Luckily by Monday morning I had gained full use of my fingers, essential for typing at work, although my arms were still sore. On Monday I went to the Album Chart Show again. This time I saw Richard Hawley, who was spurred on by us birds by the side of the stage, Matt Willis (formerly of Busted) who was kind enough to flirt with an older lady TWICE and the Don of rock n’ roll, the maestro himself, the sexiest man on stage ever……… Mr Bobby Gillespie of Primal Scream. They did about 8 numbers and were simply excellent!
I took today off as my as a man was coming around to service my boiler. Pnar. As discussed before, I am useless at waiting so I filled my day with re-representing my flat. On a whim I called the bed shop and they were able to deliver my bed today. If I can just have a Jodie Marsh moment, man was the deliveryman gorgeous! He was some sort of South American laid-back totally scrumptious being and he was in my bedroom today! So what if he was just delivering my bed. He said that if there were any problems putting it together I could call him, he would have actually done it for £25 but a mixture of being perfectly capable of doing it myself (without instructions) and only having Jodie Marsh moments on very rare occasions meant that I didn’t call him. I cannot wait to sleep on it tonight. Although I have been perfectly happy on my futon for 10 years it does feel divine and I can see totally new things out of the window too, as I am a foot higher. There were a few hours of pain when I realised that the new bed makes my bedroom look a lot smaller, however, I have shifted furniture about and now it looks great. A full-length mirror, which I know I need, (shark) will finish off the bedroom nicely.
The flat is now stripped of any sign of personality, rope lighting and junk in my instance, to make it more attractive to Everyman. The purple bedroom rope light has been re-positioned to a useless under the bed and the hallway one is stripped, waiting for the DON’T WALK ON IT IN SHOES cream carpet.
The funny room is now a bedroom/study. The desk unfortunately ruins the shape of the room but can I live without my blog until it’s sold. Or can I find a smaller desk? Well, if it drags I’ll have to but until then it stays.
What a great day to take off, I also had 2 hours being roasted in the sun in the park today too, plus a 4-mile jog in sweltering conditions. My tomatoes are coming along nicely thanks.
Blah blah….. x
I took today off as my as a man was coming around to service my boiler. Pnar. As discussed before, I am useless at waiting so I filled my day with re-representing my flat. On a whim I called the bed shop and they were able to deliver my bed today. If I can just have a Jodie Marsh moment, man was the deliveryman gorgeous! He was some sort of South American laid-back totally scrumptious being and he was in my bedroom today! So what if he was just delivering my bed. He said that if there were any problems putting it together I could call him, he would have actually done it for £25 but a mixture of being perfectly capable of doing it myself (without instructions) and only having Jodie Marsh moments on very rare occasions meant that I didn’t call him. I cannot wait to sleep on it tonight. Although I have been perfectly happy on my futon for 10 years it does feel divine and I can see totally new things out of the window too, as I am a foot higher. There were a few hours of pain when I realised that the new bed makes my bedroom look a lot smaller, however, I have shifted furniture about and now it looks great. A full-length mirror, which I know I need, (shark) will finish off the bedroom nicely.
The flat is now stripped of any sign of personality, rope lighting and junk in my instance, to make it more attractive to Everyman. The purple bedroom rope light has been re-positioned to a useless under the bed and the hallway one is stripped, waiting for the DON’T WALK ON IT IN SHOES cream carpet.
The funny room is now a bedroom/study. The desk unfortunately ruins the shape of the room but can I live without my blog until it’s sold. Or can I find a smaller desk? Well, if it drags I’ll have to but until then it stays.
What a great day to take off, I also had 2 hours being roasted in the sun in the park today too, plus a 4-mile jog in sweltering conditions. My tomatoes are coming along nicely thanks.
Blah blah….. x
Sunday, May 07, 2006
can't tpye
I am absolutely knackered and I am typing with 2 stump-like claws. Daddy and I spent at least 3 hours turning over the earth in-between his potatoes in order to dislodge weeds before it rains next. The weeds love the rain and grow at a great rate then, of course making them harder to dislodge. I noticed that he uses carpet along the pathway and I told him that on my cycle to their house that I had spotted lots of rolled up carpet just one street down from them. Off we went with a trolley in order to carpet his pathways. I was the designated driver and chose to travel on the road rather than the path. I did look a little mad but it was also a lot quicker and quieter and the roads around there are not the mad racetracks of South London. In the end our skip raiding failed as conscientious builders (!!!!) had taken their mess way with them. After a short break for roast chicken, yum, we resumed with another 2 hours of trimming grass edges. This is a very unpleasant job. My hands are blistered claws. I met some of his mad allotment friends, whereby I was introduced as codenameelizabeth and told that the Bible blesses the childless and that I should be one of the happiest people in the word without the burden of a child. I dunno, and they call me loopy. We returned to the house where I attempted to sit down only to discover that I would fall straight to sleep, so I upset my Mummy by leaving immediately. However, although I arrived home literally dragging my tired body I somehow found the energy to sweep the front garden and to attack the ivy with a big knife. Mum’s advice, “just go mental with a knife”. It began to rain mid-task and I can only marvel at my Daddy’s timing. Bro Dom called while I was cleaving and I was sure that the Police helicopter that had suddenly started to hover over the flat was trained on the mad woman in the rain brandishing a knife in the air while plotting a crime on her mobile phone. Bro Dom is coming over Wednesday, fingers crossed, to collect my boxes and to do a reccy on the jobs in hand, which is booked I for the Saturday after that. Hurrah, like I said, every girl needs her big bro and he’s a dab hand at re-reperesenting.
Still cannot wait to have a garden though!!!!!
Still cannot wait to have a garden though!!!!!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
lesson #2 re-representation
Recalled in the order that it happened.
The first Estate Agent (do they get capital letters?) advised me that he would put the flat on the market at £220K. He advised me immediately to lay a bright carpet in the hallway. I have to admit that the new carpet in the shared hallway feels heavenly to walk on. He said that the kitchen and bathroom feel a little ‘tired’, at which point I felt physically pain. He may as well have stabbed me in the heart. I’ve never had the money to replace my avocado bathroom suite even though it clashes violently with my skin tone and makes me look ill when I am lying in it. I wince in pain whenever anyone sees it for the first time and always feel the need to apologise. A little sensitively would not have gone amiss. He should have seen it before. I still recall the pain of the 3 days of intensive de-grouting, re-grouting and painting the tiles that make up 80% of the wall space and (badly) laying the floor tiles that I went through last year. I’ve only meddled with the very smallest of DIY jobs since then because the pain can be recalled so easily. The kitchen only needs a few new doors in order to become a palace. It’s light, airy, well presented, functional and huge. There’s only so much that a single woman with a limited income and limited DIY skills can do on her own, for codenamed has had very few offers of help apart from Daddy. Sob. He also advised that I could possibly re-represent my funny room/study as either a bedroom or a dining room. I’m not going to do that as I do not have an extra bed and I have nowhere to put my stuff. Well, I might if the offers don’t come flooding in.
While waiting for the next estate agent, fuelled by caffeine, I arranged a carpet measuring for next Saturday. The man on the phone didn’t cope that well with me and explained that I had to choose a carpet before I could get measured. I don’t see the sense in that but I just blurted out that I’d have the same as the shared hallway and left it at that. I love my hallway with a painted floor but I can appreciate that people want carpet, hell even I’m looking forward to it now and wish I could have afforded it years ago.
I was more prepared for Estate Agent 2 and gave her some blurb as we walked around the East and West wings. I explained that I was arranging carpet for the hallway and that a double futon fitted quite easily in my funny room, and in fact looks bigger when it’s a bedroom. “No harm in showing that then” she said. I took it a lot better from her as she’s an obvious drinker and smoker and was positively down to earth. She told me that the average turn around time is 2 months. Goodness, if I could move in August that would be brilliant. August is quiet at work, hopefully, sunny and it would be in time to put up bird boxes in the hope that they could be nested in next year.
I couldn’t wait for her to leave but it was nothing personal. I just wanted to get down to Brixton and really chose some carpet. I chose a cheaper one, after all I am moving, and went up to see the very bored man behind the desk and explained that I had called earlier. He immediately recited my address to me without even consulting his notes. I apologised to him for being so excitable and explained that I was no calmer then and eventually we got there. I have picked a cream carpet in confidence, after seeing the carpet cleaning results at the shark’s UK gaff. I even chose some lino for the bathroom but I may renege on that.
I rang Mummy and Daddy and charted the progress. Mummy tried to pay for everything as she always tries to do. Bless. I have to fight her off all the time. I explained that I really, really appreciate the offer but perhaps I’d need the help more once I moved and maybe then she could buy me the bed that she desperately wants me to have. She hates me sleeping on a futon! And then I went barmy. Fuelled by a 4 mile run, 3 cups of strong coffee and just a bowl of cereal my mind went into overdrive. Unless I said, you buy me the bed now and I re-represent, as advised, my funny room, into a bedroom with my futon?????? “Great” she said and I ran to M&S for an egg and prawn roll and then to the end my road to buy a bargain but comfortable bed. It’s being delivered next Saturday. They had the gorgeous type of mattress that I slept on at the shark & TH’s NYC pad but sadly they were out of my reach.
So, sometime soon, when the Estate Agents come to take their photographs, I will have 2 bedrooms and carpet in the hallway. Brother Dom has yet to call me back as he’s not well, but I’m sure that he will have some ideas on how to waken up my ‘tired’ bathroom and kitchen. Well, he’d better, I’ve been waiting for nearly 10 years for him to finish off the fitted kitchen that he so excellently secured and fitted for me when I first moved in. Grrrrrr. Every girl needs her big bro.
I spent the rest of the day packing up bits and bobs (i.e. TOTAL CRAP THAT I WILL NEVER EVER NEED) to store at my parents until I move. I’m hoping to cycle there tomorrow so that I can store my bike there too. Weather permitting I have 6 hours of digging waiting for me in Daddy’s allotment. Oh, plus Mummy’s roast chicken. Yum.
The first Estate Agent (do they get capital letters?) advised me that he would put the flat on the market at £220K. He advised me immediately to lay a bright carpet in the hallway. I have to admit that the new carpet in the shared hallway feels heavenly to walk on. He said that the kitchen and bathroom feel a little ‘tired’, at which point I felt physically pain. He may as well have stabbed me in the heart. I’ve never had the money to replace my avocado bathroom suite even though it clashes violently with my skin tone and makes me look ill when I am lying in it. I wince in pain whenever anyone sees it for the first time and always feel the need to apologise. A little sensitively would not have gone amiss. He should have seen it before. I still recall the pain of the 3 days of intensive de-grouting, re-grouting and painting the tiles that make up 80% of the wall space and (badly) laying the floor tiles that I went through last year. I’ve only meddled with the very smallest of DIY jobs since then because the pain can be recalled so easily. The kitchen only needs a few new doors in order to become a palace. It’s light, airy, well presented, functional and huge. There’s only so much that a single woman with a limited income and limited DIY skills can do on her own, for codenamed has had very few offers of help apart from Daddy. Sob. He also advised that I could possibly re-represent my funny room/study as either a bedroom or a dining room. I’m not going to do that as I do not have an extra bed and I have nowhere to put my stuff. Well, I might if the offers don’t come flooding in.
While waiting for the next estate agent, fuelled by caffeine, I arranged a carpet measuring for next Saturday. The man on the phone didn’t cope that well with me and explained that I had to choose a carpet before I could get measured. I don’t see the sense in that but I just blurted out that I’d have the same as the shared hallway and left it at that. I love my hallway with a painted floor but I can appreciate that people want carpet, hell even I’m looking forward to it now and wish I could have afforded it years ago.
I was more prepared for Estate Agent 2 and gave her some blurb as we walked around the East and West wings. I explained that I was arranging carpet for the hallway and that a double futon fitted quite easily in my funny room, and in fact looks bigger when it’s a bedroom. “No harm in showing that then” she said. I took it a lot better from her as she’s an obvious drinker and smoker and was positively down to earth. She told me that the average turn around time is 2 months. Goodness, if I could move in August that would be brilliant. August is quiet at work, hopefully, sunny and it would be in time to put up bird boxes in the hope that they could be nested in next year.
I couldn’t wait for her to leave but it was nothing personal. I just wanted to get down to Brixton and really chose some carpet. I chose a cheaper one, after all I am moving, and went up to see the very bored man behind the desk and explained that I had called earlier. He immediately recited my address to me without even consulting his notes. I apologised to him for being so excitable and explained that I was no calmer then and eventually we got there. I have picked a cream carpet in confidence, after seeing the carpet cleaning results at the shark’s UK gaff. I even chose some lino for the bathroom but I may renege on that.
I rang Mummy and Daddy and charted the progress. Mummy tried to pay for everything as she always tries to do. Bless. I have to fight her off all the time. I explained that I really, really appreciate the offer but perhaps I’d need the help more once I moved and maybe then she could buy me the bed that she desperately wants me to have. She hates me sleeping on a futon! And then I went barmy. Fuelled by a 4 mile run, 3 cups of strong coffee and just a bowl of cereal my mind went into overdrive. Unless I said, you buy me the bed now and I re-represent, as advised, my funny room, into a bedroom with my futon?????? “Great” she said and I ran to M&S for an egg and prawn roll and then to the end my road to buy a bargain but comfortable bed. It’s being delivered next Saturday. They had the gorgeous type of mattress that I slept on at the shark & TH’s NYC pad but sadly they were out of my reach.
So, sometime soon, when the Estate Agents come to take their photographs, I will have 2 bedrooms and carpet in the hallway. Brother Dom has yet to call me back as he’s not well, but I’m sure that he will have some ideas on how to waken up my ‘tired’ bathroom and kitchen. Well, he’d better, I’ve been waiting for nearly 10 years for him to finish off the fitted kitchen that he so excellently secured and fitted for me when I first moved in. Grrrrrr. Every girl needs her big bro.
I spent the rest of the day packing up bits and bobs (i.e. TOTAL CRAP THAT I WILL NEVER EVER NEED) to store at my parents until I move. I’m hoping to cycle there tomorrow so that I can store my bike there too. Weather permitting I have 6 hours of digging waiting for me in Daddy’s allotment. Oh, plus Mummy’s roast chicken. Yum.
Friday, May 05, 2006
here comes the sun
It appears that spring has finally sprung and at last I do not get shouted at when I dare to open a window by a crack at work. I’ve been a little perky at work of late, it’s all those early morning runs and the WB told me that I needed to go out and get drunk so that I could go into work like the more sullen codename of last year. When the sun came out yesterday I did just that and sat under my tree on a spontaneous whim. I sipped lager with a work colleague who has just moved into the area. On arrival my radar detected a strange man. Anyone walking around the park in the evening with a huge rucksack suggests that they are out for a while and have nowhere to go. I was pleased when he walked around us after having eyed us for a good 20 minutes. 10 minutes later the Rossers appeared to take him away in a meat wagon. It appears that he has mental problems and had chased someone through the park. It tool the Police about 20 minutes to calm him down. Normally a magnet for trouble it was good to have avoided it on my first sit down visit of the year. Today I thanked the WB for his advise as I did have a nice time but somehow I woke up this morning with no less than 12 mosquito bits. Boooooooooo.
I simply cannot wait to have a garden. I’d love to sit out on balmy evenings such as tonight and observe clear night skies. Tonight I can see Mars to the right of the waxing moon and a bright and shiny Jupiter rising. The moon is so bright that I have a window of light in my bedroom. It’s magical. In lieu of my own garden I am growing tomatoes in a sunny office at work. I planted them today and will naturally chart their progress. I know how to have fun eh.
And look, someone has managed to photograph my woodpecker. I can't wait to have a bird box and bath. And so the list goes on.... Valuations tomorrow…………
I simply cannot wait to have a garden. I’d love to sit out on balmy evenings such as tonight and observe clear night skies. Tonight I can see Mars to the right of the waxing moon and a bright and shiny Jupiter rising. The moon is so bright that I have a window of light in my bedroom. It’s magical. In lieu of my own garden I am growing tomatoes in a sunny office at work. I planted them today and will naturally chart their progress. I know how to have fun eh.
And look, someone has managed to photograph my woodpecker. I can't wait to have a bird box and bath. And so the list goes on.... Valuations tomorrow…………
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
lesson 1
Estate Agent Speak
Earlier on today when I was just about to mail the Shark I realised where Poet’s Corner is. I actually typed and then deleted “what do you think of around Milton and Shakespeare Road?”. Poet’s Corner, just near P*** Artists Lane. Not moving there OK!
Still I am beside myself with excitement.
Earlier on today when I was just about to mail the Shark I realised where Poet’s Corner is. I actually typed and then deleted “what do you think of around Milton and Shakespeare Road?”. Poet’s Corner, just near P*** Artists Lane. Not moving there OK!
Still I am beside myself with excitement.
Monday, May 01, 2006
buying or selling?
The flat is clean and I am ready to make the make the call and arrange the valuation. Shudder. Scary. However, it’s a good time to sell. There are 2 flats next door up for grabs. One was on the market for approx 1 week before being sold and the other for 1 week before getting a CASH offer.
Daddy has advised me that although I will get a lot for my flat I will need to pay a lot to buy one. Bless him I love him. Any other invaluable advice from you bloggers?
In my brief trip to the Estate Agents on Saturday he dangled Poets Corner under my nose. Well, I’ve looked on maps galore but cannot locate the area and now fear the term is Estate Agent’s speak. I’ve not seen any Dulwich types putting up road signs advertising Poets Corner, or is it too exclusive for that? Will they let me in.......if I can find it?
Daddy has advised me that although I will get a lot for my flat I will need to pay a lot to buy one. Bless him I love him. Any other invaluable advice from you bloggers?
In my brief trip to the Estate Agents on Saturday he dangled Poets Corner under my nose. Well, I’ve looked on maps galore but cannot locate the area and now fear the term is Estate Agent’s speak. I’ve not seen any Dulwich types putting up road signs advertising Poets Corner, or is it too exclusive for that? Will they let me in.......if I can find it?
Saturday, April 29, 2006
they call me codename lizzy i’m back i’m back
Phhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeee. It’s been so long that I don’t know where to start. I’ve had to get my calendar out! So, a brief recap………..the week before last I went to see Erasure on tour with their acoustic CD ‘Union Street’. They had a stage full of Nashville musicians and backing singers. It was a great show and quite a radical departure from their normally firmly electronic sound. It really demonstrated Andy Bell's skills. He has the voice (and eyes) of an angel. I was more than a little nervous about bumping into He Who Cannot Be Named but in the end we talked to each other quite a few times and I got used to it by the end. He even helped me win a bet with the youngsters in the bar. They were watching the crew pack up the stage via plasma screens in the bar and foolishly bet me that I wouldn’t get up onto the stage to dance. Ha ha, I should have put some money on it. Needless to say I had full permission of the Stage Manager. Even though seeing HWCBN went a lot better than expected I was still pleased when I could leave at the end of the evening, not least as I could take the heels off.
Talking of heels, I bought another pair last weekend. They are only slightly lower but I can walk in them all day. Last weekend I completed my renaissance while in the hairdresser’s chair. It was the third time with my new hairdresser and I finally got him to understand that I only need the illusion of long hair, I don’t actually need a haystack on my head! So, my barnet is now a cross between Angie and David Bowie circa Ziggy phase. Yum, course I’ve had it this way before, so I knew it would be good. I’ve also completed the new wardrobe that I began in Madrid last year, worked on in New York and have now finished in London. I have stacks of outfits that are smart and flattering but remain indisputably codenamed NOT LAYDEE. Among the new items……….a short sleeved blouse. GASP!!! I drew gasps galore from everyone at work and rather enjoyed it all.
So, recapping a go go. Last Sunday I went to a recording of Top of the Pops. It was all rather bizarre walking past Jamie Callum, Graham Coxon, Dirty Pretty Things (Carl Barrett of The Libertines fame) and Jamie Foxx etc, all before 2pm. I’m more used to walking past artists at the other end of the day. We even saw John Prescott arrive for a Sunday politics programme and the fella from Sunday’s Match of the Day. I watched the Pet Shops Boys rehearse and saw the Flaming Lips and Goldfrapp run through their tracks twice, as TOTP has gone back to it’s old skool style and goes out live on occasion. Although not everyone sang live. Ssssh. All very bizarre. The last time I went to TOTP Martin Mclutchene [spelling ?], aka Tiffany from Enders, was numero uno, her words people. On Monday it was the Album Chart Show, again with live performances. I was taken aback at how small Koko appeared to be. When I used to go to the Camden Palace, oh back in those days again, it always seemed huge and cavernous. Tuesday was supposed to be my lovely evening at home on the couch doing nothing but I was spotted at the bus stop on the way home and easily persuaded by a work colleague to go to birthday drinks with one of our travel agents. Red wine went down easily as it does on these spontaneous occasions and just a handful of Japanese horseradish-covered nuts counted as tea as I tried to DJ from my laptop through 2 fist-sized speakers. Luckily after a couple of hours we realised that if we didn’t move sharpish we could easily be tempted to stay there all night. We fled into the night from the high pitched and loud, but lovely, gaggle of women, plus token gay man, around 9ish and so I had a couple of hours to myself at least. Wednesday was Popworld and the only thing that marred my day even slightly was someone who I really admire dryly commenting “We’ve seen that outfit before”. Dang, must buy more. Thursday began with a session at the Beeb. It was a flurry of activity and when it was over and everyone was shipped off in their cars we felt euphoric and returned to the office expecting to be carried on shoulders with Mexican waves and cheer leaders as the week’s activities had gone so well. No such luck but we were still high as kites. We were keen to hit the bar to celebrate but we had to look for a drinking opportunity later as it was only 12.30pm. It wasn’t until my way home, once again, that I stumbled upon an opportunity and went to see Richard Hawley knock out a few tunes at a publishing do. Firmly from Sheffield and a staunch Southern knocker he told us that he was feeling good, tired but good, from months of non-stop activity but that seeing a tramp do a s**t in the road had “tended to bring him back down to earth”. He’s quite the comedian and I love his voice. Play The Ocean, my favourite.
Now it’s just me on my lonesome. We’ve just had carpet laid in the hall and thus the house’s transformation is complete. I’m so excited about putting the flat up for sale and getting somewhere with a garden that I ill advisedly went to the Estate Agent after jogging around the park twice. Still after this I’m off to clean up and get ready for a valuation. It’s non-stop around here.
Talking of heels, I bought another pair last weekend. They are only slightly lower but I can walk in them all day. Last weekend I completed my renaissance while in the hairdresser’s chair. It was the third time with my new hairdresser and I finally got him to understand that I only need the illusion of long hair, I don’t actually need a haystack on my head! So, my barnet is now a cross between Angie and David Bowie circa Ziggy phase. Yum, course I’ve had it this way before, so I knew it would be good. I’ve also completed the new wardrobe that I began in Madrid last year, worked on in New York and have now finished in London. I have stacks of outfits that are smart and flattering but remain indisputably codenamed NOT LAYDEE. Among the new items……….a short sleeved blouse. GASP!!! I drew gasps galore from everyone at work and rather enjoyed it all.
So, recapping a go go. Last Sunday I went to a recording of Top of the Pops. It was all rather bizarre walking past Jamie Callum, Graham Coxon, Dirty Pretty Things (Carl Barrett of The Libertines fame) and Jamie Foxx etc, all before 2pm. I’m more used to walking past artists at the other end of the day. We even saw John Prescott arrive for a Sunday politics programme and the fella from Sunday’s Match of the Day. I watched the Pet Shops Boys rehearse and saw the Flaming Lips and Goldfrapp run through their tracks twice, as TOTP has gone back to it’s old skool style and goes out live on occasion. Although not everyone sang live. Ssssh. All very bizarre. The last time I went to TOTP Martin Mclutchene [spelling ?], aka Tiffany from Enders, was numero uno, her words people. On Monday it was the Album Chart Show, again with live performances. I was taken aback at how small Koko appeared to be. When I used to go to the Camden Palace, oh back in those days again, it always seemed huge and cavernous. Tuesday was supposed to be my lovely evening at home on the couch doing nothing but I was spotted at the bus stop on the way home and easily persuaded by a work colleague to go to birthday drinks with one of our travel agents. Red wine went down easily as it does on these spontaneous occasions and just a handful of Japanese horseradish-covered nuts counted as tea as I tried to DJ from my laptop through 2 fist-sized speakers. Luckily after a couple of hours we realised that if we didn’t move sharpish we could easily be tempted to stay there all night. We fled into the night from the high pitched and loud, but lovely, gaggle of women, plus token gay man, around 9ish and so I had a couple of hours to myself at least. Wednesday was Popworld and the only thing that marred my day even slightly was someone who I really admire dryly commenting “We’ve seen that outfit before”. Dang, must buy more. Thursday began with a session at the Beeb. It was a flurry of activity and when it was over and everyone was shipped off in their cars we felt euphoric and returned to the office expecting to be carried on shoulders with Mexican waves and cheer leaders as the week’s activities had gone so well. No such luck but we were still high as kites. We were keen to hit the bar to celebrate but we had to look for a drinking opportunity later as it was only 12.30pm. It wasn’t until my way home, once again, that I stumbled upon an opportunity and went to see Richard Hawley knock out a few tunes at a publishing do. Firmly from Sheffield and a staunch Southern knocker he told us that he was feeling good, tired but good, from months of non-stop activity but that seeing a tramp do a s**t in the road had “tended to bring him back down to earth”. He’s quite the comedian and I love his voice. Play The Ocean, my favourite.
Now it’s just me on my lonesome. We’ve just had carpet laid in the hall and thus the house’s transformation is complete. I’m so excited about putting the flat up for sale and getting somewhere with a garden that I ill advisedly went to the Estate Agent after jogging around the park twice. Still after this I’m off to clean up and get ready for a valuation. It’s non-stop around here.
my keith allen stories
I had to chuckle when I read this as I have 3 of my own.
The first time I met him was during my ‘oh those were the days’. I was working for the Hayward Gallery press office at the time and Spellbound was the current exhibition. Damien Hirst was exhibiting his first feature film, staring Keith Allen and with music by Alex James of Blur (I think). It was the press opening and Alison was extremely busy looking after several other artists so I was entrusted with looking after this motley bunch. They rolled up obviously having either been up all night or with very little sleep. They had an obvious distrust of PR and just stood there completely ignoring me and looking at the ground whilst grumbling. While wondering just what on earth I was going to do with them all I looked down at the ground too. And thank god that I did as I noticed that Keith and Damien had the same shoes on. “So, who got em first?’ I challenged. It worked. “I did.” “No I did.” Ha ha, they were actually fighting for my attention.
The second time was backstage at Glastonbury in 1998 where we were guests of John Peel (RIP). Backstage in those days was one tent with a few bottles of warm wine and a barrel of warm beer. It’s so different now and to be avoided at ALL cost. It was a sedate affair with a handful of people reading The Guardian. Keith Allen suddenly appeared with a ghetto blaster on his shoulder. He stormed through with his entourage shouting “Come on you f*****s, it’s supposed to be a P-A-R-T-Y”.
Finally at last year’s Glastonbury New Order did a great set, which included loads of my favourites. At the time when I knew it was the last track, and knowing that Blue Monday was rehearsed and on schedule to be performed, while eagerly anticipating seeing it live for the first time, Keith Allen stormed onto the stage with a load of knobs in football shorts. They completely ruined it for me by doing World in Motion as their last encore. It shouldn’t be allowed.
By the by, his daughter is now on the music scene. You can check her out here http://www.myspace.com/lilymusic. Let’s hope that she doesn’t build a similar reputation.
The first time I met him was during my ‘oh those were the days’. I was working for the Hayward Gallery press office at the time and Spellbound was the current exhibition. Damien Hirst was exhibiting his first feature film, staring Keith Allen and with music by Alex James of Blur (I think). It was the press opening and Alison was extremely busy looking after several other artists so I was entrusted with looking after this motley bunch. They rolled up obviously having either been up all night or with very little sleep. They had an obvious distrust of PR and just stood there completely ignoring me and looking at the ground whilst grumbling. While wondering just what on earth I was going to do with them all I looked down at the ground too. And thank god that I did as I noticed that Keith and Damien had the same shoes on. “So, who got em first?’ I challenged. It worked. “I did.” “No I did.” Ha ha, they were actually fighting for my attention.
The second time was backstage at Glastonbury in 1998 where we were guests of John Peel (RIP). Backstage in those days was one tent with a few bottles of warm wine and a barrel of warm beer. It’s so different now and to be avoided at ALL cost. It was a sedate affair with a handful of people reading The Guardian. Keith Allen suddenly appeared with a ghetto blaster on his shoulder. He stormed through with his entourage shouting “Come on you f*****s, it’s supposed to be a P-A-R-T-Y”.
Finally at last year’s Glastonbury New Order did a great set, which included loads of my favourites. At the time when I knew it was the last track, and knowing that Blue Monday was rehearsed and on schedule to be performed, while eagerly anticipating seeing it live for the first time, Keith Allen stormed onto the stage with a load of knobs in football shorts. They completely ruined it for me by doing World in Motion as their last encore. It shouldn’t be allowed.
By the by, his daughter is now on the music scene. You can check her out here http://www.myspace.com/lilymusic. Let’s hope that she doesn’t build a similar reputation.
Friday, April 28, 2006
this is wonderful
Check this out. The wonderful Goldfrapp cover Boys will be Boys by The Ordinary Boys.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
ex pats
I haven’t read it yet but it’s bound to be good. A wee read for those overseas Haruki Murakami, from today’s Guardian.
Oh and the new Dr Who is fantastic.
Oh and the new Dr Who is fantastic.
buy my mate Paul’s suitcase for a good cause
In between a massive spring cleaning and mini DIY spurge I idly looked back at this which in turn lead me here and then ultimately to this.
Is this another failed auction? Is her brother ever going to get enough money to get into the studio? Come on folks, that’s got to be a good cause. Let’s get Jodie Marsh’s brother into the studio. I am accepting offers for my mate Paul’s suitcase. I’m sure he won’t mind. It comes complete with Paul’s very own European plug adaptor.
Friday, April 14, 2006
For Jane RIP
Just over a week ago Jane, my youngest brother’s wife, died of breast cancer. She was only 4 years older than me and she loved life and lived it with a positive zeal. She leaves behind my brother, 2 wonderful boys, both aged under 10 and a loving family and friends. None of it makes any sense.
It was Jane’s funeral yesterday and as we approached the Church I was happy to see the road bursting with cars. The ceremony was held in the Church that she was married in and her body is now laid to rest in the grounds, in the village where she grew up.
Jane was a beautiful, kind, funny, loving and popular person. The very best of company and I loved her from the minute I met her. She very so good for my brother and they were a spirited couple who travelled around the world together. In fact I think their first child was born in Hong Kong. She grew up with horses and on her return from Hong Kong she went to see her old horse, who she sadly had to sell in order to travel. On her return she went to see her old pal and was shocked to find the horse malnourished and in poor health. I am proud to say that she smacked the new owner and gave her what for. I learnt yesterday that we shared a love of birds and that listening to bird song was one of her favourite past times. Try it people if you haven’t. I mean properly. I hadn’t realised that she was so into wild life and I also learned that when she was young and on holiday with her family, she returned to camp base with a pony in a dog lead and said “I got one of em”. Sadly, she was not allowed to keep it. I smiled as 2 butterflies were fluttering in the altar’s stained glass windows as the story was told.
On my way home from work the day before the funeral I suddenly felt uplifted and buoyed and my mood transformed from sombre to something like elation. As I felt the wind through my hair I grew convinced of an other-worldly power coursing through me. I was convinced it was Jane. On meeting Jane’s Mum I struggled with whether or not to tell her. I worried that she would think me mad or that I was belittling Jane’s memory. But as we clasped hands and talked I felt that she would understand. “Oh yes dear, that was her. She loved to sail. She’s the wind all right. That’s why I chose the poem.”
‘I am not There’
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
I don’t think it was any coincidence that the wind was uncommonly strong yesterday and could actually blow you off your feet at the farm where we gathered after the funeral.
It was Jane’s funeral yesterday and as we approached the Church I was happy to see the road bursting with cars. The ceremony was held in the Church that she was married in and her body is now laid to rest in the grounds, in the village where she grew up.
Jane was a beautiful, kind, funny, loving and popular person. The very best of company and I loved her from the minute I met her. She very so good for my brother and they were a spirited couple who travelled around the world together. In fact I think their first child was born in Hong Kong. She grew up with horses and on her return from Hong Kong she went to see her old horse, who she sadly had to sell in order to travel. On her return she went to see her old pal and was shocked to find the horse malnourished and in poor health. I am proud to say that she smacked the new owner and gave her what for. I learnt yesterday that we shared a love of birds and that listening to bird song was one of her favourite past times. Try it people if you haven’t. I mean properly. I hadn’t realised that she was so into wild life and I also learned that when she was young and on holiday with her family, she returned to camp base with a pony in a dog lead and said “I got one of em”. Sadly, she was not allowed to keep it. I smiled as 2 butterflies were fluttering in the altar’s stained glass windows as the story was told.
On my way home from work the day before the funeral I suddenly felt uplifted and buoyed and my mood transformed from sombre to something like elation. As I felt the wind through my hair I grew convinced of an other-worldly power coursing through me. I was convinced it was Jane. On meeting Jane’s Mum I struggled with whether or not to tell her. I worried that she would think me mad or that I was belittling Jane’s memory. But as we clasped hands and talked I felt that she would understand. “Oh yes dear, that was her. She loved to sail. She’s the wind all right. That’s why I chose the poem.”
‘I am not There’
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
I don’t think it was any coincidence that the wind was uncommonly strong yesterday and could actually blow you off your feet at the farm where we gathered after the funeral.
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